Good evening!
I've finally done it. I've managed to see all 8 nominated films BEFORE the actual airing of the Oscars on this Sunday night.
There are 24 categories of awards that will be handed out, but I'm only concerning myself today with Best Picture. There are 8 nominees and a ton of controversy, so here are my brief reviews of each nominated picture and who I believe should win and who will win.
I'll review the films in the order in which I saw them.
Mad Max: Fury Road
Color me surprised when this summer flick got an Oscar nod. Not that it's not a good film, it is. "Fury Road" is another chapter (I wouldn't call it a continuation or a sequel) of the Mad Max Franchise from the late 70'sand 80's. This is the fourth Mad Max Film, and is directed by George Miller, as the other three were. "Fury Road" is a bleak, violent look at a post apocalyptic Australia where rain water and fuel are the currency and women are bought and sold. So, basically nothing different from now, except people wear a lot more spiky leather and war paint. Tom Hardy and Charlize Theron lead the cast of this high octane, low dialogue explosion heavy testosterone fest. I enjoyed the film fully. For sheer entertainment value I give it a 4 out or 5. Best Picture? Not a chance.
The Revenant
Director Alajndro G. Inarittu give us a thrill ride with the story of a frontiersman who is left for dead and spends quite a lot of time and energy trying to get revenge on the one who left him. Tom Hardy (In another Oscar nominated film!) garnered a best supporting actor nod for his work, but this film is all Leonardo DiCaprio. Dialogue is sparse, but cinematography is magnificent. Westerns are typically not my cup of tea, but there's so much more going on here. The opening fifteen minutes remind me of the opening "Cold Mountain of my very favorite movies. Leo hasn't gotten an Oscar. This will probably be his year. Give this one a 5 star rating..Best Picture? Odds on favorite. also, if Inarittu can win Best Director for that steaming pile of elitist nonsense that was "Birdman" then he's a shoe in for the award this year.
The Martian
Make all your jokes about how much the world has paid to rescue Matt Damon from places in movies. This time he's stuck on Mars all alone and everyone thinks he's dead. Based on what is turning out to be a brilliant novel by Andy Weir, "The Martian" is funny, dramatic, suspenseful and is probably the first movie that makes you really, really care about a potato crop. Director Ridley Scott (one of my favorite directors ever) uses a light touch on a storyline that could have gone the super explosive testosterone route. Golden Globes called this a comedy probably because they wanted to give it an award and were limited to five films in the dramatic category. Oscar doesn't have that limitation. 5 out of 5 stars. Best Picture? Probably going to be "The Revenant's" biggest competition.
The Big Short
The story of the 2007 housing market collapse doesn't sound like a rollicking comedy and yet this brilliant movie based on Michael Lewis' book does just that: It makes us laugh in the midst of a story
that infuriates all of us because most people who live in the US (and around the world) lost money as a result of this. (My husband and I lost 25% on the value of our house and a huge chunk of his 401K, but we didn't lose our house so we were one of the lucky ones.) "The Big Short" explains exactly what happened and who's to blame in a way that's clear and interesting and funny. The acting here is spot on with Steve Carell and Christian Bale leading a huge all star cast. This is a 5 out of 5 stars and will more than likely go on my list of favorite movies ever. Funny, informative, dramatic, and heartfelt. Best Picture? Should be. Could be. Won't be.
Brooklyn
A young woman leaves Ireland to find a new life in Brooklyn. She finds a good job, a place to live, and a young man to love. And then she's called back to Ireland where she faces temptations of the homeland. That's my synopsis. And now I have a question: What is this movie doing on this list? I'm not saying it's a bad movie, it's not. It's lovely. There are moments that are funny and sweet. But...what is this movie doing on the Best Picture list? I could classify this as a romantic comedy, although it's light on the comedy, but it's rather structured that way. The problem with that is, well, we just do not like the main character, Ellis. That's a big problem when you're trying to tell a love story from the point of view of the main character. This movie, like pretty much all of the other Best Picture noms is based on a book. I have zero interest in reading the book if it's ANYTHING like this movie. I should not HATE the main character in a love story. And it's not just me. The gentleman sitting behind us said at one critical point in the film, "That bitch!" It's a cute movie, it's well shot, but I'm giving this one a 3.5 out of 5. Best Picture? Not a chance. Will Saoirse Ronan win Best Actress? No, and her ticket to the Oscars should be taken away.
Bridge of Spies
What do you get when you put Steven Spielberg, Tom Hanks, and a compelling story about the high water mark in Cold War history together? Well, I know what you SHOULD get and this isn't it. Don't get me wrong. "Bridge of Spies" is a fine movie. It's interesting. And it's pretty forgettable. I expect more from Spielberg and Hanks, and maybe that's unfair. I realize their hands are tied because when you do a biopic you can't just add aliens or blow stuff up for fun. Still, this film is gray, and not just because much of it takes place in the newly minted East Berlin. Hanks gives us the same idealistic good guy we know and love, but he barely breaks a sweat. The shining moment is Mark Rylance in his understated portrayal of Rudolph Abel and he should win Best Supporting Actor. 3 out of 5 stars. Best Picture? Nope.
Room
If you haven't read the brilliant novel by Emma Donoghue then the minute you finish reading this blog go out and buy the book and read it. A mother's love, sacrifice,and implosion are seen through the eyes of her five year son who has never been outside the small room he calls home and his mother calls her prison. The movie does a more than admirable job bringing the story of a young woman abducted and caged by a man for seven years, five of which she spent protecting her son. A thrilling escape gives the young Jack a chance at a real life but may prove to much for Ma. Bri Larson is nothing short of genius and heartbreaking in this emotionally taught drama. She should, and if I'm predicting, will win Best Actress. 5 out of 5 but be ready to weep. Best Picture? If I got a vote it would be YES! This one should win.
Spotlight
The shocking priest sex scandal in Boston is brought to light by a handful of reporters battling the Church, local authorities, and their own neighbors and family. This is a story that has rocked a generation of church goers and a blight on the Catholic Church or any church. As a movie, however, I may have to blame director Tom McCarthy for a lumbering start. I almost turned this one off, not because of the content, but because it took FOR FREAKING EVER to move. Granted, it's a drama about crimes that are not witnessed and witnesses that mostly bear no visible scars. Still...have a thought about pace! Mark Ruffalo and Rachel McAdams are nominated for supporting roles and neither one should win. McAdams is boring and Ruffalo is down right awful in the fist hour of the movie. Now, granted, Ruffalo gets better. Enough so that by the time the movie is over you pretty much feel relief that he no longer looks like his fake Boston accent is painful for his mouth. The final forty minutes or so are excellent and everything a movie goer looks for. But awards should not be given to movies that are only good for forty minutes. Oh, wait, sure...but then they're called documentaries. 3 out of 5 Best Picture? No, although this one should have had more potential.
And finally, the big question: Is Oscar racist?
The Oscars broadened their Best Picture category to contain up to 10 pictures each year. This year there are two films I felt were ignored and should not have been.
The Hateful 8
Quentin Tarrantino's Western is brilliant, beautiful, and hard core. Every actor in this film is golden
on completely on point, (Except for Channing Tatum, why was he even in this film?) This is a tense, fast, heart pounding film with a wildly long run time, but you'd never ever know it. Tarrantino has matured into brilliance and with all the magnificence in this film it should have been nominated. Its' a 5 out of 5 and if you haven't seen it, find the biggest TV you can and watch it.
But the bigger overlook:
Straight Outta Compton
The story of ground breaking rap group NWA. I'm not a fan of rap music and I'm not a fan of nudity or foul language. I am a fan of movies telling me a story that rivets me to my seat and makes me feel something. This movie is no more vulgar or violent than "Wolf of Wall Street" and has many parallels in its story to the great "Citizen Kane." (Think I'm crazy? Watch the movies side by side and see if Kane and Easy-E's stories don't feel similar.) Blunt, harsh, vulgar, this is not a film for everyone, but this white woman from the suburbs thinks Oscar should have given it a nod, especially when they had more nominations available. Shoot, they could have dumped "Brooklyn 5 out of 5 and it's every bit as strong as most of the films that got nominated.
That said, I do not believe Oscar is racist. I believe Oscar is narrow. Oscar can only handle maybe a couple "controversial issues a year and this year it's LGBT. With acting nominations for "Carol" (A BAD MOVIE YOU SHOULD NOT SEE ) and "The Danish Girl" (A VERY GOOD MOVIE) and with the whole taking on the Catholic Church in "Spotlight" I think the old farts in the Academy felt they'd done their duty by special interests. Except none of this should be about being special interests. Movies should be about story telling and good story telling should be for everyone. Straight Outta Compton is a well old story. Brooklyn is not. Spotlight is not. It's not about racism. It's about not being afraid to say, "We think the best stories this year dealt with these issues."
Oscar needs work, but we still love him!
Meanwhile, if you're looking for more of my in depth reviews, I have a book!
You can check out reviews written by my friend Linda and me by clicking RIGHT HERE!
finally, Sunday is the Oscars! I'll be watching, will you?
Friday, February 26, 2016
Saturday, February 20, 2016
It's the Great Hubby Conspiracy...at the Gym.
Good morning!
Got back in the gym this week after a bit of an illness, and I noticed one thing has NOT changed while I was gone. Okay, pretty much nothing has changed while I was gone those four days...but one thing in particular stayed the same and it was the one thing I thought for sure would just stop happening if I didn't show up for a few days.
As you all know I am a firm believer in the "buffer treadmill" rule. This is a rule in a gym where you do NOT use the piece of exercise equipment directly NEXT TO someone else....unless the gym is so busy you do not have a choice, at which point you give the person next to you an apologetic smile to let them know you have no intention of sweating on them or making weird grunting noises or otherwise disturb their viewing of whatever movie happens to be airing on the Bravo network. The only exception to the rule is if you actually KNOW the person and you intend to have a conversation with them while on the equipment...and in that case maybe you should just leave because clearly you're either so fit you can work out AND talk at the same time (I can't) or you're planning to just sort of stroll along, look at your phone, read a book, whatever while you're not exercising all that much. I admire your commitment to slacking like that, I do, but if you're doing that, then you're
taking up a machine that could be used as a buffer between me and...well...plastic suit guy.
Plastic suit guy is probably a very nice fellow outside of Xperience Fitness. I'm sure he has friends and a job and a very nice life and I'd probably find him funny and charming. But inside Xperience Fitness, he is the guy in the plastic suit who insists on getting onto the treadmill next to me EVERY SINGLE TIME we are in the building together.
Let me paint you a mental picture: Plastic suit guy is a portly fellow who wears, you guessed it, one of those plastic sweat suits UNDER his sweat pants and sweat shirt. He also wears goggles and, for reasons I have yet to figure out, he also wears something that looks like driving gloves. He looks more like he's ready to shoot a car race scene for Downton Abbey than to run on the treadmill.
And then there's how he runs on the treadmill. He drapes a big black towel over the display, which is what the super fit cool kids do to prove they aren't worried about things like time and calories and heart rate because, hey, they're just there for a good run. (Not me. I'm checking my stats constantly,
mostly to see how much time I still have to be on the thing. I'm NOT one of the super fit cool kids.) Anyway, Plastic Suit Guy drapes the towel over the display and then he jacks the incline on the thing to "Everest". And this is where I see the need for the gloves. He then hangs on to the display with both hands while desperately trying not to slide off the back.
All this would be amusing to me, but not blog worthy if he didn't insist on always doing this next to me. Why me? I'm just sitting there doing my thing, not bothering anyone. And I'm usually in a row of fairly empty treadmills, he could pick any of those. BUT NO. In some strange, twisted sort of animal mating ritual, I feel like he's trying to attract a female (me) I can almost hear Jack Hanna or Marlin Perkins whisper something about, "The Portly Goggled Sweaty Guy is trying to attract the attention of the Portly Sweaty Girl by gripping the display on the treadmill and going as fast and as hard as he can until he falls off. If she looks his way before he falls off, then they are a match. If she ignores him, then he will either fall off and slink away in shame or try again another day."
Hey, I'm not being a mean girl here. I know exactly what I look like when I'm working out. I see the other girls working out with their flat guts and their skinny ankles and their perfect pony tails. d like I said, outside the gym I'd probably be happy to be friends with Plastic Suit Guy. But...in the gym...
HE'S WEARING A PLASTIC SUIT AND GOGGLES AND GLOVES AND DOING THAT
WEIRD THING ON THE TREADMILL AND HE IS ALWAYS NEXT TO ME.
It's like he WANTS to be in the blog.
Wait...
You know, Hubby is always in the gym with me, but rarely nearby.
Hubby knows my "buffer treadmill rule."
Hubby would rather do anything than be in the blog...including...maybe...bribing some guy to wear something ridiculous and always be in my line of sight.
Oh I get it. So this isn't some guy trying to find love in the gym. This isn't some guy seeing the fluffy pink haired lady and thinking, "Hey, I might have a shot with that one...maybe she'll like my plastic sweat suit. But how to attract her...oh I know...let's get weird. What's weirder than a plastic sweat suit? Driving gloves and goggles."
Nope, I'm convinced now. Hubby is in on it. He has to be. As my friend, Jolene tells me all the time, "Things like this just don't happen to anyone else."
Oh....he is in trouble and he doesn't even know it yet!
Got back in the gym this week after a bit of an illness, and I noticed one thing has NOT changed while I was gone. Okay, pretty much nothing has changed while I was gone those four days...but one thing in particular stayed the same and it was the one thing I thought for sure would just stop happening if I didn't show up for a few days.
As you all know I am a firm believer in the "buffer treadmill" rule. This is a rule in a gym where you do NOT use the piece of exercise equipment directly NEXT TO someone else....unless the gym is so busy you do not have a choice, at which point you give the person next to you an apologetic smile to let them know you have no intention of sweating on them or making weird grunting noises or otherwise disturb their viewing of whatever movie happens to be airing on the Bravo network. The only exception to the rule is if you actually KNOW the person and you intend to have a conversation with them while on the equipment...and in that case maybe you should just leave because clearly you're either so fit you can work out AND talk at the same time (I can't) or you're planning to just sort of stroll along, look at your phone, read a book, whatever while you're not exercising all that much. I admire your commitment to slacking like that, I do, but if you're doing that, then you're
Picture these two people in one suit. Then put regular sweats over the suit. There's the mental picture! |
Plastic suit guy is probably a very nice fellow outside of Xperience Fitness. I'm sure he has friends and a job and a very nice life and I'd probably find him funny and charming. But inside Xperience Fitness, he is the guy in the plastic suit who insists on getting onto the treadmill next to me EVERY SINGLE TIME we are in the building together.
Let me paint you a mental picture: Plastic suit guy is a portly fellow who wears, you guessed it, one of those plastic sweat suits UNDER his sweat pants and sweat shirt. He also wears goggles and, for reasons I have yet to figure out, he also wears something that looks like driving gloves. He looks more like he's ready to shoot a car race scene for Downton Abbey than to run on the treadmill.
And then there's how he runs on the treadmill. He drapes a big black towel over the display, which is what the super fit cool kids do to prove they aren't worried about things like time and calories and heart rate because, hey, they're just there for a good run. (Not me. I'm checking my stats constantly,
Like this...but really not. |
All this would be amusing to me, but not blog worthy if he didn't insist on always doing this next to me. Why me? I'm just sitting there doing my thing, not bothering anyone. And I'm usually in a row of fairly empty treadmills, he could pick any of those. BUT NO. In some strange, twisted sort of animal mating ritual, I feel like he's trying to attract a female (me) I can almost hear Jack Hanna or Marlin Perkins whisper something about, "The Portly Goggled Sweaty Guy is trying to attract the attention of the Portly Sweaty Girl by gripping the display on the treadmill and going as fast and as hard as he can until he falls off. If she looks his way before he falls off, then they are a match. If she ignores him, then he will either fall off and slink away in shame or try again another day."
Hey, I'm not being a mean girl here. I know exactly what I look like when I'm working out. I see the other girls working out with their flat guts and their skinny ankles and their perfect pony tails. d like I said, outside the gym I'd probably be happy to be friends with Plastic Suit Guy. But...in the gym...
HE'S WEARING A PLASTIC SUIT AND GOGGLES AND GLOVES AND DOING THAT
WEIRD THING ON THE TREADMILL AND HE IS ALWAYS NEXT TO ME.
It's like he WANTS to be in the blog.
Wait...
You know, Hubby is always in the gym with me, but rarely nearby.
Hubby knows my "buffer treadmill rule."
Hubby would rather do anything than be in the blog...including...maybe...bribing some guy to wear something ridiculous and always be in my line of sight.
Oh I get it. So this isn't some guy trying to find love in the gym. This isn't some guy seeing the fluffy pink haired lady and thinking, "Hey, I might have a shot with that one...maybe she'll like my plastic sweat suit. But how to attract her...oh I know...let's get weird. What's weirder than a plastic sweat suit? Driving gloves and goggles."
Nope, I'm convinced now. Hubby is in on it. He has to be. As my friend, Jolene tells me all the time, "Things like this just don't happen to anyone else."
Oh....he is in trouble and he doesn't even know it yet!
Sunday, February 14, 2016
5 for Friday: Things I Learned while being Sick.
Good evening!
First of all, yes, I'm aware it's Sunday night. And yes, I'm aware, it's Valentine's Day and the last thing the world wants to think about on this international day of love is me, gacking my guts out into a garbage can for hours on end.
Or maybe that's exactly what you want to think. I'm not a mind reader, I don't know what you're into...
Anyway, this past Wednesday was Ash Wednesday and many Christians the world over pick something to give up for the 6 weeks of Lent as a sign of sacrifice. Usually I give up Cheetos. This year I gave up keeping my insides inside.
I woke up feeling okay...went to my workout, started my workday. A little stressed because I was heading up a dinner at church that night, but things seemed to be in hand. And then...right around noon, KA BAM!
You know, when a kid throws up they do it and they're pretty much done. I used to be that way. I'd expel whatever it was, usually on some church dignitaries' suit (not my fault my parents insisted I sit on the lap of every minister, principal, deacon, and district president they came across. If a kid's gotta barf...well, it's just going to happen.) and I was done. No fuss, no muss, certainly no second show and definitely no fighting the feeling for a couple hours before jamming a finger down my throat to give myself some relief the the endless roiling going on in my gut.
But I'm not here to ruin your day of chocolate and heart shaped pizza and lovey dovey activities.
Nope, I'm here to impart knowledge. Being upright and conscious the better part of today was a big deal for me...hasn't happened since Wednesday. But while in a semi-coma state, I did realize five important things, so here we go.
5) No matter how many times I've seen it, "Friends" is still funny and I should not watch it after hard heaving for eight hours.
After a solid day of screaming and heaving little more than acid into whatever receptical was closest, I turned on Netflix and let "Friends" run. I had to turn it off when I started laughing and the laughter made my worn out, super stretched, very sore gut and back muscles howl in more pain.
4) Having a tiny bathroom is perfect when your body has decided to have a self induced exorcism from both the north and the south ends...so to speak.
I'll just let you figure that one out.
3) Not everyone gets that you're joking when you tell then you might have "the zika."
I went to church this morning and people were very kind, asking me how I was and what I had. We had decided it was either the flu or an inner ear infection. After explaining this several times I decided to be cute and tell one sweet lady I had the Zika virus.
I'm pretty sure they aren't going to let me teach Sunday School anymore...
2) "Psych" has REALLY LOUD THEME MUSIC!
When you're sick you pretty much just want something in the background to lull you to sleep. It used to be soaps. Soaps were all talking. Well, there aren't many soaps anymore. So I hit Netflix again and turned on "psych" which is a great show, but it's pretty mellow, no gun shots, not screaming cars or explosions, just talking. Clever talking. AND REALLY REALLY LOUD THEME MUSIC. I'd turn it down just so I could hear sound and then every 42 minutes BAM with the theme song.
1) Hubby is a rock star. And my hero.
I give him plenty of crap but the truth is we've been together 30 years and he's always been a much better person than I am. Proved it again this week when he worked from home for two solid days to make sure I didn't get up and fall and kill myself. Didn't run from the house when I was exploding, noisily. And was very attentive the whole time.
I really hope he doesn't get this. I doubt I'll be that good of a nurse.
Oh, and also, fun fact...since I had officially given up carbonated beverages, but drank some Sprite to settle my gut on Wednesday, I blew it. Except I didn't. Guess what I hadn't had since Tuesday morning? Yep. Coffee. So....6 weeks. No coffee.
Oh this should be fun.
First of all, yes, I'm aware it's Sunday night. And yes, I'm aware, it's Valentine's Day and the last thing the world wants to think about on this international day of love is me, gacking my guts out into a garbage can for hours on end.
Or maybe that's exactly what you want to think. I'm not a mind reader, I don't know what you're into...
Anyway, this past Wednesday was Ash Wednesday and many Christians the world over pick something to give up for the 6 weeks of Lent as a sign of sacrifice. Usually I give up Cheetos. This year I gave up keeping my insides inside.
I woke up feeling okay...went to my workout, started my workday. A little stressed because I was heading up a dinner at church that night, but things seemed to be in hand. And then...right around noon, KA BAM!
You know, when a kid throws up they do it and they're pretty much done. I used to be that way. I'd expel whatever it was, usually on some church dignitaries' suit (not my fault my parents insisted I sit on the lap of every minister, principal, deacon, and district president they came across. If a kid's gotta barf...well, it's just going to happen.) and I was done. No fuss, no muss, certainly no second show and definitely no fighting the feeling for a couple hours before jamming a finger down my throat to give myself some relief the the endless roiling going on in my gut.
But I'm not here to ruin your day of chocolate and heart shaped pizza and lovey dovey activities.
Nope, I'm here to impart knowledge. Being upright and conscious the better part of today was a big deal for me...hasn't happened since Wednesday. But while in a semi-coma state, I did realize five important things, so here we go.
5) No matter how many times I've seen it, "Friends" is still funny and I should not watch it after hard heaving for eight hours.
After a solid day of screaming and heaving little more than acid into whatever receptical was closest, I turned on Netflix and let "Friends" run. I had to turn it off when I started laughing and the laughter made my worn out, super stretched, very sore gut and back muscles howl in more pain.
4) Having a tiny bathroom is perfect when your body has decided to have a self induced exorcism from both the north and the south ends...so to speak.
I'll just let you figure that one out.
3) Not everyone gets that you're joking when you tell then you might have "the zika."
I went to church this morning and people were very kind, asking me how I was and what I had. We had decided it was either the flu or an inner ear infection. After explaining this several times I decided to be cute and tell one sweet lady I had the Zika virus.
I'm pretty sure they aren't going to let me teach Sunday School anymore...
2) "Psych" has REALLY LOUD THEME MUSIC!
When you're sick you pretty much just want something in the background to lull you to sleep. It used to be soaps. Soaps were all talking. Well, there aren't many soaps anymore. So I hit Netflix again and turned on "psych" which is a great show, but it's pretty mellow, no gun shots, not screaming cars or explosions, just talking. Clever talking. AND REALLY REALLY LOUD THEME MUSIC. I'd turn it down just so I could hear sound and then every 42 minutes BAM with the theme song.
1) Hubby is a rock star. And my hero.
I give him plenty of crap but the truth is we've been together 30 years and he's always been a much better person than I am. Proved it again this week when he worked from home for two solid days to make sure I didn't get up and fall and kill myself. Didn't run from the house when I was exploding, noisily. And was very attentive the whole time.
I really hope he doesn't get this. I doubt I'll be that good of a nurse.
Oh, and also, fun fact...since I had officially given up carbonated beverages, but drank some Sprite to settle my gut on Wednesday, I blew it. Except I didn't. Guess what I hadn't had since Tuesday morning? Yep. Coffee. So....6 weeks. No coffee.
Oh this should be fun.
Saturday, February 6, 2016
Pride and Prejudice and Lumberjacks (There's a reason I have a buffer treadmill rule.)
Happy Saturday morning to everyone!
Before I launch into what brought me here this morning, I have to say this: I went to the gym today, not something I've every done on a Saturday, and had a good workout. That's not the funny part. No, the funny part is as I was leaving the gym, feeling all healthy and good about myself and resolved that I was going to eat good, healthy meals this weekend, in walks one of the Xperience fitness trainers...carrying his breakfast...from McDonalds. Yes, a large soda and a sausage egg mcMuffin...and there was something else in the bag.
Really?
This picture of fitness strolling past my sweaty fluffiness, eating the equivalent of crack in my world.
I wanted to yell, "Hey! Guy! I was once fit and trim like you. And about 30,000 sausage egg McMuffins later, here I am!"
But I didn't. I went to Denny's instead.
Anyway I'm not here to talk about my food fail. I'm here to talk about my workout yesterday. Admittedly, I wasn't feeling all that strong yesterday morning. I was a little stiff (I've added hand weights to my afternoon walking work) and very tired. I spent some time on the bike as a warm up, but mostly I was on the treadmill.
I have rules about using the treadmill. I believe in the buffer rule. You know the buffer rule, because it applies to a lot of things like urinals, movie theater seats, chairs at the airport, chairs at the doctor's office. We as a society feel the need for a space between us and any stranger next to us. Now, it's not always possible for the treadmill because sometimes the gym is busy and you can't get a buffer mill on either side of you. Given that choice, I'll go closer to the person who is moving the slowest. I'm not a runner. I don't need to look like I'm actually moving in slow motion.
So yesterday I noticed that "Pride and Prejudice" was playing on one of the overhead TVs. I love that movie. And hey, the closed captioning was actually working. Most days the CC on the TVs at Xperience is nothing but gibberish. Hubby and I think it's because the terrorists have gotten to those networks. But only randomly. Like on Tuesday the terrorists had ESPN's CC while on Thursday they had CNN.
I was excited about watching a slow paced British cast wander through Jane Austen's dense prose. No one on my left, no one on my right, I got on the treadmill and started walking.
Five minutes later, this hulking sweaty guy got on the treadmill DIRECTLY NEXT TO ME and started running. Or rather...lumbering. Lumbering heavily. And sweating...a LOT...and grunting. And wiping his face and grunting.
It wasn't that busy. In fact in a row of 14 treadmills we were the only two people. He could have picked any of the other ones. But no, this brute of a human spent the next 20 minutes thumping and grunting and sweating and wiping less than two feet away from me.
Let's talk about sweat spray for a moment. No one thinks about it because, if we are honest, few of us work out hard enough to projectile sweat. But this guy...well, let's say he was making it rain, and not like those guys in the club with money. Ew.
I seethed about this the entire time I was there because he was definitely interfering with my enjoyment of the movie. COME ON DUDE! REALLY? I'm trying to watch Keira Knightly get all in a twist about Matthew MacFadyen. WOULD YOU STOP SWEATING ON ME AND GRUNTING LIKE YOU'RE STAVING OFF A HEART ATTACK AND TAKE YOUR INCREDIBLE HULK BODY ONE TREADMILL TO THE RIGHT? And yes, I did have to wipe his sweat off of my treadmill and no, I didn't like it. Ew.
I didn't say any of that, of course. I'm a well brought up Midwestern girl We are polite and keep our negative feelings to ourselves...until we can blog about it.
Walking out of the gym with Hubby, he asked me this: "Why did you pick that treadmill?"
Me: Because it was directly in front of the TV with Pride and Prejudice.
Him: But that guy was on the one next to you.
Me: Not when I got on, no one was on any of those in the row. That's why I picked it.
Him: I thought it was weird that you picked one right next to someone. (See, he knows my rules.)
Me: Yeah, but he wasn't there. He picked the one next to me.
Him: No, he stopped to go use the bathroom or something.
Me: Well then he should have left something ON the treadmill so everyone else knows he's using it.
Him: Everyone else did know he was using it.
Me: (silent for a moment because I believe if you're going to leave a treadmill for any reason, then you're done on it. And if you're not, you should leave a towel or a water bottle or something. And he didn't. So by rule he should have then obeyed the rule of the buffer treadmill.)
Him: I'm going to call that guy Jack. (Hubby and I have nicknames for all the regulars. yellow headphones guy, black headphones guy, old couple with trainer, three guys upstairs who all look like Skippy, George who Hubby knows, guy who looks like George but isn't, and that
really old guy who talks Packers with everyone.)
Me: Why Jack?
Him: Because...he lumbers!
Anyway I'm not here to talk about my food fail. I'm here to talk about my workout yesterday. Admittedly, I wasn't feeling all that strong yesterday morning. I was a little stiff (I've added hand weights to my afternoon walking work) and very tired. I spent some time on the bike as a warm up, but mostly I was on the treadmill.
I have rules about using the treadmill. I believe in the buffer rule. You know the buffer rule, because it applies to a lot of things like urinals, movie theater seats, chairs at the airport, chairs at the doctor's office. We as a society feel the need for a space between us and any stranger next to us. Now, it's not always possible for the treadmill because sometimes the gym is busy and you can't get a buffer mill on either side of you. Given that choice, I'll go closer to the person who is moving the slowest. I'm not a runner. I don't need to look like I'm actually moving in slow motion.
So yesterday I noticed that "Pride and Prejudice" was playing on one of the overhead TVs. I love that movie. And hey, the closed captioning was actually working. Most days the CC on the TVs at Xperience is nothing but gibberish. Hubby and I think it's because the terrorists have gotten to those networks. But only randomly. Like on Tuesday the terrorists had ESPN's CC while on Thursday they had CNN.
I was excited about watching a slow paced British cast wander through Jane Austen's dense prose. No one on my left, no one on my right, I got on the treadmill and started walking.
Nothing says, "get your burn on" quite like this movie. |
Five minutes later, this hulking sweaty guy got on the treadmill DIRECTLY NEXT TO ME and started running. Or rather...lumbering. Lumbering heavily. And sweating...a LOT...and grunting. And wiping his face and grunting.
It wasn't that busy. In fact in a row of 14 treadmills we were the only two people. He could have picked any of the other ones. But no, this brute of a human spent the next 20 minutes thumping and grunting and sweating and wiping less than two feet away from me.
Let's talk about sweat spray for a moment. No one thinks about it because, if we are honest, few of us work out hard enough to projectile sweat. But this guy...well, let's say he was making it rain, and not like those guys in the club with money. Ew.
I seethed about this the entire time I was there because he was definitely interfering with my enjoyment of the movie. COME ON DUDE! REALLY? I'm trying to watch Keira Knightly get all in a twist about Matthew MacFadyen. WOULD YOU STOP SWEATING ON ME AND GRUNTING LIKE YOU'RE STAVING OFF A HEART ATTACK AND TAKE YOUR INCREDIBLE HULK BODY ONE TREADMILL TO THE RIGHT? And yes, I did have to wipe his sweat off of my treadmill and no, I didn't like it. Ew.
I didn't say any of that, of course. I'm a well brought up Midwestern girl We are polite and keep our negative feelings to ourselves...until we can blog about it.
Walking out of the gym with Hubby, he asked me this: "Why did you pick that treadmill?"
Me: Because it was directly in front of the TV with Pride and Prejudice.
Him: But that guy was on the one next to you.
Me: Not when I got on, no one was on any of those in the row. That's why I picked it.
Him: I thought it was weird that you picked one right next to someone. (See, he knows my rules.)
Me: Yeah, but he wasn't there. He picked the one next to me.
Him: No, he stopped to go use the bathroom or something.
Me: Well then he should have left something ON the treadmill so everyone else knows he's using it.
Him: Everyone else did know he was using it.
Me: (silent for a moment because I believe if you're going to leave a treadmill for any reason, then you're done on it. And if you're not, you should leave a towel or a water bottle or something. And he didn't. So by rule he should have then obeyed the rule of the buffer treadmill.)
Even in high school I had a response for nonsense like this. |
Me: Why Jack?
Him: Because...he lumbers!
Friday, February 5, 2016
5 for Friday: 6 Signs I might be influenced a bit too much by "Friends."
The TV show "Friends" has been off the air now for the better part of 12 years. But thanks to the eternity that is the home video market, I've been able to watch and re watch the series at least twice in its entirety since then. And I'm not saying I'm obsessed...I'm just saying there are parts of my life that are influenced a little too much by the show. But you be the judge. (And yes, I know it's five for Friday I have six points. That's how influenced I am by this show! It's taken over my blog!)
6) Peaches is the "Monica" in her apartment.
Sure, I can move to a completely different apartment in an hour...all I have is this lamp. |
5) I'm uncomfortable with men wearing loose shorts.
It never really occurred to me why loose sweats or basketball shorts on guys bothered me. And then I realized...I'm influenced by Friends! Phoebe dated this guy who wore loose shorts and every time he sat down he was...exposed.
Now I go to the gym every day where ALL the guys are wearing basketball shorts, (well, except the ones who are wearing JEANS, but that's another blog) and the way they have the machines set up, you can be on the treadmill and be face to face with someone on a weight machine. I just know it's a matter of time before one of those muscle dudes gets too into what he's doing and his shorts shift and then suddenly I'm seeing WAY too much of him. Unlikely in the real world, you say? Doesn't matter. It happened on "Friends." It could happen to me too.
4) I refer to my daughter's land lord as Mr. Heckles.
Peaches lives upstairs from her landlord and apparently he's constantly telling the girls they need to
be more quiet. Peaches is quite grumbly about it but all I can think is how Mr. Heckles, Monica and Rachel's downstairs neighbor, complained of the same thing. So I advise my daughter to tell Mr. Heckles they aren't making any noise. Peaches like Friends, but she's not as...into it...as I am. Straight faced she says, "Mom, my landlord's name is Bruce."
She doesn't get it.
3) I always spot "Smell the fart acting."
Thanks to Joey and his explanation of different skills in acting, I have a hard time keeping a straight face while watching serious dramatic moments because I look for, and generally spot, what Joey called "smell the fart." I try to keep it to myself, but sometimes I can't help it. I think about joey explaining "smell the fart" (which is actually pretty self explanatory if you think about it, and then I get the giggles.
Thinking about it, Joey may be have a big part of why soap operas starting dying. The great day time TV of my childhood, "Guiding Light" "As the World Turns" are gone. Some are still around, "Days of our Lives" and "General Hospital" but many have fallen by the wayside in the last ten years. I can't help but wonder if Joey, in his bumble headed way, actually toppled an industry when I believe his part was more of an homage to the genre.
2) I never move furniture without yelling, "PIVOT!"
Anyone who has seen more than ten minutes of "Friends" is almost certain to know this reference. I don't have to do too much to get a room full of people of all ages to yell this word, the word Ross pretty much destroyed while trying to move his couch upstairs. Even my kids, especially Skippy, who is in his early 20's and therefore has helped many of his friends move, uses this more as a cuss word than anything else.
1) I WANT TO QUIT THE GYM!
Well I don't really...but this line runs through my head almost every morning when I drag my fluffy butt out of bed and into the cold to go to the gym. I've quit enough gyms to know, as Ross and Chandler proved, it's just easier to go than to try and quit! (And plus, if I actually quit the gym, I wouldn't have the blog I'm going to write for you tomorrow!)
There you have it!
As a final note, I'd like to remind all my readers that it is now February 5 and therefore past Ground hog's Day. TAKE DOWN THE CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS!
Thank you.
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