I probably shouldn't be as proud of this as I am.

Hello everyone!

So today is "Throw out your resolutions day."  How are we all doing?

I'm doing okay, not perfect, but okay.  I'm not throwing anything out just yet.

Yesterday I had the great fortune to go to the pharmacy, which, as you all know, is my favorite place on earth to witness humanity at its most ridiculous.  Yesterday was no exception, but, as it turned out, that was only the hors d'oeuvre to the meal of nonsense that wound up being my trip to the video store.

That's when I dominated a 5 year old.

Not quite like this...wait for it.

Hubby says I probably shouldn't be proud of that.

But let's start with the pharmacy.

When I got there, only two people were in line ahead of me. I thought this was a good thing.  Plus, I'd called in all the prescriptions the day before and was told they'd be ready after 1 PM. It was 3:15. There as no way there was going to be a hitch or a wait once I got up to the counter.

Of course, first I had to get to the counter.

The lady two people ahead of me was done in a minute. YAY!

All that stood between me and finishing my monthly trip to this stupid place was one guy. One guy who was a bit older, but not Crypt Keeper old. One guy who wasn't shuffling while he walked and didn't seem to have a caregiver with him.

SCORE.

The lady at the counter knows us all, she's worked for the pharmacy for years and let's face it, when the pharmacy is in a store that requires a membership, you really do get to know your customers.  So as the gent was walking up she said, "Hello! Is this going to be for your wife, your son..."

wait for it...

"...or your dog?"

Oh crap.

Yes that is correct. My pharmacy inside Sam's offers pet meds. I've never stood behind anyone buying them before, but I sensed this would not go as smoothly as I was hoping.

Little did I know.

So the guy gets up there and he's picking up for his wife and one of his dogs.  River.  The dog's name is River.  The other dog is named Monty.  I should NOT KNOW THIS.

I will say this...the wife's prescriptions were filled very quickly.
River's...not so much.

I knew we were in trouble when the lady at the counter said, "Oh that one is super expensive" and the guy said, "It shouldn't be."

I don't have a dog. I have cats.  And I couldn't tell you the last time I got meds for one of the cats, and when I did, it was at a vet, not at a people pharmacy because, well, there aren't as many people waiting in line at the vet.

Apparently, and I know this in spite of that little plastic divider that got put there because of privacy laws, Monty's meds at 15 pills of 40 milligrams.  BUT, River's meds, the one in question, was 40 pills at 15 milligrams, with 5 refills. Mr. Man there was trying to figure out why the 40 pills cost $40.  

First he thought it was because they were charging him for all 5 refills at once.  

Um, no. They don't do that.

Then he thought he was getting all 5 refills at once.

Um, no. They don't do that.

That's when he pulled out his cell phone and called the wife and started a fairly heated debate about these pills.

And that's when my internal rage launch sequence began.

The clerk, maybe sensing my impending explosion, told Mr. Man to continue his debate on the far side of the little plastic divider so she could wait on other people. By this time there were six or seven people behind me.  I felt sure I was going to impress them with my ease of transaction because there would be no debate, there would be no wait. I'd called the pills in, we'd gotten a confirmation text that they were ready, and I had my card in hand ready for swiping.

And then she looks at my list of prescriptions and says, "Oh, one is...ALMOST READY."

So I'm standing there, card in mid air, Mr. Man yelling at his wife on the phone about which pills Monty takes and which pills River takes, and I still have to WAIT FOR MY ORDER to be COMPLETED?

I called more than 24 hours ahead.  They confirmed the order was ready.  

But, I guess it's a rule that every person has to wait for something once they get to the counter.  Is that some kind of pharmacy law that everyone has to get lousy, time consuming service no matter how many steps they take to ensure those pills are ready and waiting for them?

I finally got my order at the same time Mr. Man's wife laid down the law and told her husband just to "GET THE PILLS."  
I mean, I could have yelled that at the back of his head instead of through the phone and I think fewer people would have heard me.

Once freed from the horrors of the pharmacy line, I headed across town to the video store where I had to return a couple movies (because three streaming services, cable TV, and a mass collection of my own films doesn't provide me with enough entertainment) and I decided to check out the new releases and see if there was anything worth picking up for the weekend.

There was one clerk and two customers in the store, counting me.  I picked up my movies and, as happens pretty much every time I go to the video store, I found that both of us customers had completed our selections at the same time and I wound up behind the other lady and her little daughter.

Now this was a cute little girl. She had little powder puff hair buns on either side of her head and she was wearing all pink and carrying a shiny back pack.  But the child was bored.  See, Mom was new to the video store and had to open an account before renting her movies. And that takes time.  Neither the little girl nor I was too happy about waiting for this.  But the child was cute, the store wasn't overheated and I was pretty much looking for a topic for my blog and somehow I knew this was going to do the job.

I wasn't wrong.

The little girl, and her name was unusual but I'll use a fake name, let's call her Memory, because that's not far from what her real name was, was admiring all the different racks and boxes and bins of candy at the front of the store.  And by admiring, I mean she was picking pieces up and asking for them and when Mom said no, she would beg and promise she'd "NEVER ASK FOR ANYTHING EVER AGAIN." 

Moms, we've all been there, right?

I give the mom credit. She didn't break.  She finished up getting her membership going and she paid for her movies and all she had to do was herd Memory between the two counters and out the door and I could get up there, pay for my movies and go home.

All. She. Had. To. Do. Was. LEAVE.

And this is where I decided I had to dominate Memory.  This kid turned from a cutie asking for candy to a complete wild brat begging for candy, and about four second away from a serious on the floor meltdown. Mom was in the aisle between the counters. Memory was about eight feet away, holding up about three different types of candy and saying, "I promise I won't ask for anything else if you get me this candy!"

Now, again, all Mom had to do was get Memory out the door and I could continue with my day.

But if she'd done that, would I have a blog today?

No, I would not. Because the guy at the pharmacy yelling at his wife about dog meds is NOTHING compared to what happened next...and my response.

It's at this point that Mom has clearly had enough.  She backs out of the aisle  (the aisle is narrow and she is a fluffier girl) and she puts her hands on her hips and she says, "Memory, you have candy. You have candy in that back pack right there."  Memory disagrees, the candy she has is not the candy she wants.  Mom says, "You have a Snickers bar, and a kit kat bar. What do you want with more candy?"

First of all, why are you asking this child a question that requires logic?  She's beyond logic and second...could you just move this little drama ten steps forward so I can check out my movies?????

"But I want this candy!" Memory yells.

"Put it down and get over here," Mom says in that tight mom voice we all have, that voice that's not quite yelling but everyone knows this kid is in trouble.

Memory puts the candy away and stomps toward Mom, but not before shooting me some kind of look that, I don't know, seemed to beg for help.

Normally I like kids. No, really.  And I started out liking Memory.  I did. But this little showdown kept me waiting in line beyond my patience and I was not feeling sympathy for this little sugar monster at all. So that sort of cute attempt at getting me on her side failed.  Spectacularly.

 Mom finally removed Memory from the video store, but not before Memory made it clear to everyone (that would be the clerk and me) that she still wanted the candy in the store.

Now, a normal adult would just walk up to the clerk, check out her movies and go home.  But I think we've made it clear in the years that I've written this blog that I'm not a normal adult.  I tend to see things in a different light than most people.  And that's why when the clerk asked me if I wanted to pick a candy bar to get entered into a drawing for a Visa gift card, I said yes. Not because I hoped I would win the gift card. I don't win things.  But because, and I thought this consciously, I am an adult and I can buy candy whenever I want to and THAT is how I am WINNING, little miss cute Memory.

Walking out the door I saw Memory and her mom getting into the car. I thought about waving my candy bar at the kid, but I didn't. Instead, I waited until they were driving past me. I waved and smiled and said, "I dominate you, kid, because I'm and adult. An adult who gets to buy her own candy. HA!"


Of course, given the fact that I have a weight problem I'm trying to battle, it's not like I can actually EAT the candy bar...