Gen X-ers REJOICE! We've taken back the malls!

Can you name this movie mall?

Hello and happy Saturday to all!

Ah, the mall.   A place where teens in the 80's and early 90's would go on a Friday night or Saturday afternoon to hang out. We'd meet friends there, we'd maybe get an Orange Julius, and we'd head over to Sam Goody or Suncoast Video to check out the latest in music or movies.

Then we grew up. And had families.  And it was suddenly sort of a pain in the rump to go to the mall, what with the stroller and the diaper bag and having no money because of what was in the stroller.  We had full time jobs and we were too tired to go anywhere on a Friday and Saturdays were taken up with soccer games for our kids or some kind of volunteering at our kids' schools.

So we stopped going to the mall. And Sam Goody and Suncoast Video went out of business.  

Flash forward to 2020.  Many of us haven't make a point of hitting the malls in a long time.  The kids are grown up, they can take themselves shopping.  Target has everything a person could possibly need and whatever Target doesn't have, Amazon does, and frankly, shopping in our sweats is awesome.  We meet our friends at coffee shops and bistros now, when we have the time or the energy to leave the house.  Netflix and all of her many streaming service sisters have replaced the need to go anywhere to see a movie.  

Oh, and our musical tastes are set.  Anything new pretty much sounds like the devil's noise. 

Also, malls are full of kids, right?  We are in the process of getting ours out of the house, why on earth would we want to go where there are more noisy kids who dress weird and have no respect for their elders? 

Sears and Boston Store went out of business.

My point here is that last night Hubby and I had a minor case of cabin fever, so we did something we haven't done in a really long time. We went to the mall on a Friday night.  I gotta be honest, I don't think we've done that since we were in college, prior to the dawn of the 90's.

Not that we haven't been to a mall since 1989, we just really haven't gone to hang out and see what's going on.

Gen X-ers, I'm here to tell you, it's a real revelation! We've taken the mall back!  

Well, not the outside of the mall. If your local shopping mall is anything like ours, it's currently going through something of a renovation.  The outside of the mall is a ring of new eateries, gastropubs, and wine bars, book ended by state of the art movie theaters with their own bars and restaurants, and entertainment venues. We have something called WHIRLEYBALL, which we watched last night.  It's like bumper cars and la crosse had a baby and the younger generation is raising it now.

No, what I'm talking about is Generation X is taking back the INSIDE of the mall!  

There we were, on a Friday night, walking laps around the mall because it was cold outside and the only other people in the place were...

More Gen-Xers!

What once was the mothership for trendy teens has become the quiet locale for a cheap date night for the 40 and up crowd.  We got coffee at our local coffee shop and then headed over to the mall to get a little exercise and talk to each other.  AND WE WERE NOT THE ONLY ONES.

Hubby noticed it first.  We walked in through the back door of the mall (The back door? Yes, we came in through the doors where the storefronts are empty no one's built a restaurant yet.  Very dark, but there was a ton of parking.)  We walked in to the barely lit end of the mall and he pointed out immediately that we were not the only middle aged couple carrying coffees.

The longer we looked, the harder we were laughing.  The storefronts that were actually open (and the mall closest to us is literally dying from the inside. The outside is fine, but the actual inside of the mall is dying.) were empty of customers (Except 5 Guys burgers, which was packed with people.) but the mall area was nicely full of people.  

Tell your friends to meet you at the mall!

I must add, these were people who had little or no intention of actually buying anything.  We were there to have a nice evening with our significant others and, having spent a lifetime together, we had our coffees and each other. We didn't need movies, we didn't need more stuff, we didn't need whirleyball. 

It. Was. Awesome!

Now, did we actually stop in a store and buy something?  Well, sure. I mean, we stopped at
Barnes and Noble and it's a rare trip there that we don't find something. Sure enough, Hubby found a Hootie and Blowfish album (on vinyl...how throwback is that?) and a healthy eating cookbook (I like his optimism) so we got that.

Then we came home, fired up a couple of episode of "Man in the High Castle" on Amazon (we're in season 4 and I'm pretty sure I still have no idea what's happening) and tossed a frozen pizza in the over.  

Dinner and a movie? Not anymore. Mall walking and streaming movies.  

And, with no kids hanging around to bother us, it's PERFECTION!

Valentine's blast from the past...Remembering NOelle C.

This was originally posted February of 2013 when I was working at Stuff, Installed with Noelle C.  For those of you who remember her, or who had to work with her, this will be a fun trip down memory lane. For those of you who did NOT...I promise you this is 100% the truth. This was my life.

I realize it's Saturday, but if you're like me, Friday goes by in a blur, because it's the very best day of the week.  I'm as far away from my next Noelle C encounter as I'm going to be at any point in the week on Friday morning.

So Thursday was Valentine's Day and most people I know don't have a big feeling about it one way or another, especially when it lands on a week day.  Maybe we exchange cards, or, maybe, like in my house, we make a big deal about ignoring it, and then get each other "Ground hog's day" gifts.  (Actually, the anniversary of my first date with hubby in on the 27th.  It's our 27th February 27th as a couple.  So that's really our big romantic day, and we'll be spending it this year service baked potatoes at the Lenten Dinner at our church.)

Personally, I think Valentine's Day is stupid.  If you're in a relationship, and you need a specific day to have to buy your honey something nice like flowers or candy or a bottle a Jameson's Irish Whisky, then maybe you're in trouble in the love department.  And if you aren't in a relationship, Valentine's Day is just a big old day to make you feel worse about yourself.  Bonus, if you're a guy and you don't get your woman something sparkly and expensive on Valentine's Day, well, according to the TV advertisers, you're just not a man.

As always, however, Noelle C managed to make this day, which is already weird and uncomfortable for most people, even weirder and more uncomfortable for those of us who have to work with her.  And here are the top fives ways she managed that.

5)  The grandest of grand entrances.

Every single work day of her life, Noelle C enters the office jingling her keys and singing "good morning good morning"  like some sort of twisted Disney fairy sprinkling magic dust on everyone.  It's especially annoying to me because for 99% of her entrance I'm four feet or less away from her and I almost always on the phone with a customer.  Which means at 10:54 four mornings a week, while we're four hours into our work day already, Little Miss Sunshine bounds in making all sorts of racket. 

Valentine's Day she ramped it up.  Big time. 

She flung wide the door, which means all the cold air from outside washed in behind her and settled over my desk in reception for the next three hours.  She jingled her keys with one hand and with the other she held up a plastic bin of those horrible gummy chewy cinnamon hearts.  This was a HUGE bin of these things.  It truly is my least favorite candy of all.

She then did this odd little dance where she marched like she was presenting Simba to the African safari, and skipped like an 8 year girl at a May pole dance.  This she did until she crossed the showroom and leaned over my desk where she jingled her keys IN MY FACE and shouted in a high pitched voice "HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!"

I was on the phone.  With a customer.  Who was telling me some very technical details of a problem relating to the thing we installed in his home. 

4)  Just take a crow bar to the boss's personal life. He won't mind.

After harassing me, she did her weird dance right into Lumbergh's office.  She stopped with the keys, and sang her "Happy Valentines' Day" song (Think  "Ren and Stimpy's 'Happy Happy JOY Joy' song  but without the attention to musical excellence) at the top of her lungs.  (Again, I'm on the phone.  He's on the phone.)  Then she stood there and waited for him to get off the phone.  When he made the mistake of doing so, she said, "HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, IT's A DAY OF LOVE!  DO YOU HAVE ANY ROOOOOOOMAAAAAAAANTIC PLANS TONIGHT?"

This, all said in what I can only think was her attempt at a flirtatious voice.

I felt like gagging.  I know what Lumbergh was doing for Valentine's Day. He and the wife (yes, he has a wife.  She is lovely.  Noelle C has met her.) were going to one of their kids' volleyball games.

I don't know what he said, but I could hear him squirming in his chair because she also has no sense of personal space.

3) A door is no barrier to what she has to say

So for the last three days, Noelle C has been telling everyone, EVERYONE in the office to be on the lookout for a customer who was going to come in and buy something for us to install.  If he did come in and buy something, she was going to get a commission.  Her quest for commissions might be the most annoying thing yet, but that's another blog for another day.

She's asked if he's coming to the office every hour for the last three days.  So when he finally showed up in the showroom at about noon, she did what anyone would do in that case:  She dove behind her desk and refused to talk to him.  (See, in order for her to get the commission, she actually has to talk to him in person. So by NOT talking to him, she can blame whomever does talk to him when the thing doesn't get purchased.)

So Lumbergh went to speak with this customer.  Now the guy was not what you'd call a chatty person.  And he spent nearly half an hour staring at our displays, saying nothing.  When there's someone in the showroom, my day comes to a stop because I either have to talk to that person, which is fine, or I have to sit and work quietly without making or taking phone calls.  (Given that I'm the customer service person and 99% of the phone calls I take are unpleasant, I can't be doing that in front of new potential customers.)  So I'm sitting there, pretending to write our thank you notes to customers, while Lumbergh is standing there waiting for this guy to talk. And what's Noelle C doing?  What she always does.  She's talking to herself.

Loudly.

I had to check because at this point she was talking so loudly I thought she was actually on the phone.  Nope, she was just saying random things to make herself look good.  Things like, "well, I already booked an appointment with so I can just move on to the next person.  And oh, I booked that one too.  Well, what am I going to do?  I booked two appointments and it's not even noon."

This went on for several minutes, annoying me, and annoying Lumbergh to the point where he closed her door, so as not to disturb the corpse of a customer we had standing in the showroom. 

That didn't stop her. oh no.  She just got LOUDER so we could hear her through the door.

2) EAT THE CANDY!  EAT IT!

By three PM no one had eaten any of that vile chewy candy.  I don't like them.  Lumbergh doesn't eat candy.  And PM doesn't like non-chocolate gummy sort of candy.  And since we are the only other people in the office when she's there  (The sales guys rarely come in and the installers are gone by 7:30 every morning.) no one had eaten this rare treat from hell. 

As she was announcing that she was going to lunch in the conference room  (Another daily announcement)  she stopped and noticed that the candy hadn't been touched.

But she was.  So she picked up the candy and started shouting this.

I BROUGHT THIS CANDY IN AND SET IT NEXT TO THIS HORRIBLE BOX OF STALE DONUTS!  AND NO ONE HAS EATEN IT.  (PM brought in donuts for Fat Tuesday on Tuesday...it was a lovely gesture and they were very good donuts. Noelle C, of course, didn't eat any because she's given up sugar forever.)

SOMEONE EAT THIS CANDY OR I WILL KNOW YOU DON'T LOVE ME AND I WILL QUIT.

This was my MOMENT!

And I was weak.  She waved that horrible tub of hearts under my nose and I took one, but into it, and then held it in my mouth away from my taste buds.  Lumbergh watched this with amusement, and whispered, "Just spit it out."

Oh, great.  Suddenly I'm nine at we're at my grandmother's and she's made us all taste some weird German dish that tastes like lye and rotten eggs and Lumbergh's my mother telling me it's okay to spit it in a napkin.  This is exactly how all office people behave, right?

Well, Noelle C offered the candy to Lumbergh who said, "I don't eat candy, you know that."  So she went to PM and repeated that if he didn't eat it, she'd know he didn't love her.  PM is a good guy.  He took two.  And then he sent a text to Lumbergh  "eat the candy you coward."

Lumbergh took a piece and pretended to eat it.  This made Noelle C's heart almost explode with joy.

And I got to spit something into a garbage can.

1)  PET YOUR COWORKER

This wasn't a great week for me.  It just wasn't.  A lot of things went sideways and wrong and I had to deal with it.  But when a guy called to complain that something we installed was malfunctioning because it made his water too bouncy.  (It's a blog for another day, but I'm not making that complaint up.  The thing we installed in his tub made his water too bouncy and he was now getting water on the floor.)

After spending quality time trying to explain to this Mensa member that he probably just needed to close his shower curtain, I hung up and put my head on my desk.  "This week is giving me more gray hairs." 

Noelle C, who can't hear anything managed to hear that.  She came over to my desk, and started picking at my hair...like a monkey picking bugs out of another monkey's hair.  Then she started to pet my head.

And you wonder why I have three bottles of wine, in my fridge, ready to go the minute I get home from work.

So hey, happy Valentine's Day weekend all.  I'm going to go get some discounted candy.

Reposting my best Valentine's stories: My first married Valentine's day.

This was originally run in February of 2018, but I did promise a few people that I'd explain why I didn't decorate my house this year for Valentine's so today and tomorrow, I'm posting my favorite horrible Valentine's Day story.

Those of you who know me know that, while I've been known to write a romance novel or two, (Four) I'm really not that into Valentine's Day.

I can't tell you where it started. I mean, in spite of my less than awesome high school career, I do not recall having any serious heartbreak on or around this Day of Love. I just remember thinking "Who needs it?"

College years, again, for the most part I had a date for V-Day, so you know, I haven't a clue why I've been a warrior against celebrations.

And then I remembered, this morning, a story from my first year of marriage, and I realized I had a fun story.

Here we go:

It was the first Valentine's Day after got married, way back in 1991.  It was a snowy day, but I wasn't worried about getting to my job as a data entry clerk for a medical equipment company.  After all, I was driving the BRAND NEW 1990 HONDA ACCORD Hubby and I bought right before we got married.  I would be super safe on the roads.

I should mention, the Accord was the ONLY car we owned. Hubby worked at the school across the parking lot from our house and our thinking was, hey, he could walk to school and I could drive and we'd NEVER NEED a second car.

We were idiots.

Now, I could have taken the interstate to my job. We lived a minute from the exit and my job was a minute from the exit. I would have arrived safe and sound and there would be no story.

Which is probably why I instead decided to drive the back roads.

I mean, what my actual thinking that morning was involved this thought, "This is Valentine's Day and I know Hubby and I have NEVER in our years together, celebrated it, and I know I've been militant in my hatred of the day, but I should get him a card. And I can stop at the grocery store on the way to work if I take the county roads instead of the interstate.

Which I did.

I'm an idiot.

So there was I was, cruising along on a snowy morning, the roads slippery and fun with snow and a little thing we here in the Northern lands call "black ice."  Which I didn't see.  Because you don't see black ice.

The next thing I remember was spinning...a lot.  I spun and spun and spun and wondered just when I would hit something to stop the spinning.

Then I did and I heard a tremendous crash, like the back window of the car had shattered.  I opened my eyes and I realized I was in a ditch, facing the wrong way on the road. I'd hit two trees, one full grown and one small one and thanks to these trees being on the drivers' side I was not able to open the door.  I was also not able to get out of the ditch.

Now this is there it gets good. See, in 1991, cell phones weren't a thing people had.  So here I'm sitting on a pretty deserted county road and I don't have a way to call for help.  I manged to crawl out of the passengers' side (and into about three feet of new snow, which filled my shoes) and get up out of the ditch. I did NOT look at the car because I knew I'd killed it.

The first house I got to didn't answer their door.  The second house did and the lady very nicely let me use the phone to call my husbands' school and say, "I killed the car."

Not knowing EXACTLY where I was, I gave him my coordinates as best I could and then staggered back to the car.  

Now on his end, Hubby had to borrow a car from one of the other teachers, because, again WE ONLY HAD THE ONE CAR.  So it took him a bit of time (let's just say the teachers at that school were less than charitable...but that's another story) to get to me.  

"I killed it." I said to him. "I shattered the back window."

He got out of the borrowed car and looked at our.  "No, you didn't. It's fine.  Look."

Friends to this day I have no idea what made that shattering noise, but every window in that vehicle was intact.

Hubby drove the car up and out of the ditch. The door was dented, but I could get in and out.  He suggested I go home, but I felt FINE and didn't want to miss a day of work for something so silly.

Again, I'm an idiot.

I drove to work, a little late now. I stopped in and explained to my boss why I was late. Now Dave was a very nice man, probably one of the kindest bosses I ever had.  And he, too, suggested I go home.  I said, no I was FINE. I mean, it's not like I was tarring roofs, I was a data entry clerk.

So I got to my desk, turned on my spiffy 1991 computer, and while I was waiting for it to heat up  (because that's what you did in 1991) I started crying.  Right there at my desk.  I sobbed for a few minutes and realized this was not going to stop any time real soon. So I turned off my computer, and went back to my boss and sobbed that I needed to go home and, hey, could he drive me?

Being a great guy, Dave did, and he had another guy from the Quality Control department follow us so he could get a ride back to work.  They dropped me and my dented car at home and then went back to work.

Now, that's enough of a story. I mean, no cell phones, so I didn't tell Hubby I was home until he saw the car in the drive way during recess and figured it out.  But there's more to it.

See, my boss was a nice guy, but my car did NOT look all the banged up.  And I don't blame him for his next move at all.  He and the other guy from QC drove back to the office by way of my accident route.  I don't think and hour had passed, so the skid marks and the spot in the ditch where I landed were still there.  They were impressed that I hit two trees and didn't destroy the car. They were MORE impressed, however, the I completely missed hitting the transformer box that stood about six feet away from my spot in the ditch.

Dave told me the next day, when I pulled it together enough to go to work, "If we are ever under a scud missile attack, I want to stand next to you."  (This was during the first Gulf War.)

And THAT, my friends, is my Valentine's Day story.

Oh, and NO, Hubby never DID get that card.

Sarah makes her picks for Oscar's Best Picture!

Hello everyone!

I realize I'm an author, not a screenplay writer or director, but I'm obsessed with movies, especially this time of year. That's right!  It's OSCAR time!

This year I've managed to see every single Best Picture nominee. Not easy for a girl who lives in suburban fly over land where many of the more artsy movies have a theater run of about five minutes.  But yes, I've managed to see them all, and here's how I rank them, 9-1, in order of least deserving the win to most deserving.

9.  The Irishman

Bad movie. Bad cast.  Bad idea.

One wouldn't think I was talking about a movie starting De Niro, Pacino and Pesci and directed by Scorcese, right?  Well, here we are.  They got the band back together and instead of using younger actors to represent the characters in their younger years (ala "the Two Popes") these Hollywood giants decided to use technology to "young up" the senior citizen cast.  Terrible idea.  I thought the addition of a Jimmy Hoffa angle might give us some fresh material, but no. This is just a geriatric version of "The Godfather" or "Goodfellas" and honestly, at over 3 hours, it's not worth it. Thank goodness it was streaming on Netflix. At least I didn't have the guilt of paying full price at the box office for this dog.

8. Little Women

One of my favorite books growing up, "Little Women 2019" has been touted as a modern, feminist remake.  One question:  Did we need that?  Did anyone ask for it?  The gold standard of movie adaptation for Louisa May Alcott's already fairly feminist gold star novel is the 1990 Winona Ryder/Christian Bale version. While 2019 is nice and everyone does a good job, it feels like Hollywood just wanted a  movie with an all woman cast and director wedged into the awards so no one would ding the Academy for always looking at movies starring white guys.  It's a nice movie...but it's unnecessary.

7.  A Marriage Story

Again, I did enjoy watching this movie about a perfectly reasonable, friendly married couple try to divorce without acrimony and failing, thanks to their well meaning friends and lawyers.  Adam Driver is wonderful here. Scarlett Johansson does NOT deserve a best actress nom, but what can you do?  It's not that this movie was released on Netflix that somehow cheapens it, quite the opposite.  I think had this been released a couple years ago, it might be a stronger entry, but not this year.

6. Joker

The more I think about this movie, the more angry I get.  As with movie based on popular comic book icons, liberties are allowed. They are, after all, fictional characters. The thing is, this 2019 Joker is not a genius villain. He's a victim.  He's a victim who doesn't even take part in the one crime he's almost universally credited for: The murder of Batman's parents.  He's an onlooker.  Also, Bruce Wayne's parents, again, universally considered philanthropists prior to this film, are the villains in a very millennial "eat the rich" reconstructing of comic history.  While the film is compelling as a movie and the performances are strong within the construct of the movie, I feel this is irresponsible film making.

5. Ford Vs. Ferrari

Yes, I am a sucker for a biopic, I've never made any bones about that.  And I love Christian Bale. But when I heard about this car movie with a horrible title, it was a hard pass for me.  Had it not been nominated for Best Picture I probably still would not have seen it.  I'm glad I did, ultimately, because the performances are strong, and the movie is entertaining.  Best Picture?  Maybe some other year, maybe not.  Matt Damon and Christian Bale do well together, and yes, the car races are fun to watch.  Not a bad date movie, but not Best Picture. But, hey, I was wrong about "Green Book," from last year, so what do I know?

And now we come to the top four movies of the year, and I take a break here because the distance between these four movies and the previous nominees is huge.  This year they could have nominated more films, they could have nominated fewer. These four would still be in the top four.

4.  Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

Gun play loving director Quentin Tarantino takes a bit of a break from his typical all out gore fest and gives us something of a fairy tale. Pairing movie marquee giants Brad Pitt and Leonardo di Caprio, and dropping them into Hollywood during the reign of the Manson Family and the Sharon Tate murder would be only two of many pieces of genius in this film. There are no bit parts here, everyone shines in one way or another.  Margo Robbi brings a sweetness not normally found in a Tarantino picture.  At over 3 hours, it is a long film, and yes, it might just take you to the very end to understand what the heck is going on. But the entertainment value along the way is well worth the ride. This is a level of film making maturity we haven't seen from Tarantino before.

3.  1917

Again, yes, I'm a sucker for big war movies, and lately  I've been watching everything I can about World War I, so this was perfect timing for this film.  Basically using two unknown British actors (several cameos by film fan favorites like Colin Firth and Mark Strong), director Sam Mendes brings his grandfather's stories to life with brilliant scene sets, cinematography, and acting.  At certain points the scene is so bright, so beautiful, it's almost too much.  There isn't a dull, boring moment along the way because every minute brings its own tension and/or relief.  This is one that will be in the permanent collection.

2.  JoJo Rabbit

When I first saw the trailer for this movie I said two words, "Hard pass."  Had this not been nominated for a Best Picture Oscar, I would never have seen it.  Seriously, a movie where Hitler is a kid's best friend?  And it's a comedy?  What's the about?  Well, yes, "JoJo" is just about the weirdest concept for a movie ever.  And yet, this one works so well, so brilliantly, I was shocked.  Seeing World War II Germany through the eyes of a young boy on the verge of joining the Hitler Youth, we witness how Hitler's indoctrination of the young worked. Yet, we are also shown how, in the word of Whitney Houston, "Children are our future."  The movie is dark, super dark, but somehow the humor, even the stuff involving Hitler, is funny enough to make us feel like there's hope in this world. How good is this film?  I truly, deeply, and honestly believe Scarlett Johannsen should win her Best Supporting Actress award for this. And if you've been reading my reviews and blog long enough you know how I feel about Scar-Jo. Definitely adding this one to the collection.

1. Parasite  

Let's see a Korean film about the socio-economic differences between rich and poor.  Sounds like a knee slapper.  Let's run out and see that!

But seriously.  "Parasite" is the best film that came out this year and it absolutely, positively, without a doubt win Best Picture. The movie transcends language and culture barriers, and gives us a hard, honest look at how the clash between the classes is NOT always the fault of the rich, it can be a two way street.  Loaded with dark humor and just enough Korean history to make you feel smarter once you've seen it, this is the most astounding film I've seen in a long time.  It's stuck with me over the last week since I've seen it.  It didn't matter that I had to read the film. It didn't matter that I didn't know any of the actors.  The humanity each actor brought to their character is universal.

And now, here's what I think will happen on Sunday when the Best Picture award is handed out.

"Parasite" will not win. It will win for Best Foreign film, just like it did for the Golden Globes.  I don't think the Academy is going to award a film that so strongly pictures the ruling class as not only intolerant, but also really, really stupid.  It absolutely should be Best Picture, but it won't be.

"JoJo Rabbit," which I think should also win, will not. It's just too weird of a film. Scar-Jo will get her best supporting, but it won't get Best Picture.  Which is a shame, because I haven't seen anything this creative in a long time.

The real fight will be between "1917" and "Once Upon a Time".  They split Best Picture Awards at the Globes, but this is the Oscars. They don't separate comedies from dramas.  Maybe they should. Both are relatively safe choices in terms of being controversial.  I think "1917" has the ultimate edge because, well, it just does, and it should.  BUT, Hollywood is known for awarding movies about itself to itself (I'm looking at you, "Birdman" you hopeless steaming pile of grossness.) so that may put "Once Upon a Time" in front.

If I had to pick, and since this is my blog, I'm making myself pick, I'm going to go with "1917 as Best Picture.  There you go.