Am I getting my REAL ID or starring in a Monty Python movie?

Good morning!  

So, since this whole Covid-19 thing has taken over the planet, everytime I think of something, I add "in the time of Cholera."  You know, like, "Going to the grocery store in the time of cholera."  "Filling my car with gas in the time of cholera."

"Getting my Real ID license done in the time of cholera."

Now, full disclosure, I've never READ the book "Love in the Time of Cholera."  But I have seen both John Cusack movies that reference it...."High Fidelity" (which is on my top 100 films of all times list) and "Serendipity" (which is not.)  

Anyway, today, since my work schedule got adjusted because I'm working cases in California and that state doesn't wake up until 10 AM my time, I have a significant amount of morning time free to do things.  And, since out DMV has opened....kind of...AND ALSO since my passport expires on Tuesday next week...it was time to get my federally approved REAL ID done.

Not that I'm planning on flying anyplace any time soon.  And, since, again, my passport expires in less than a week, I'm not going to be leaving the country any time soon...it still seemed like a good idea.

So, I checked the Wis-DOT website and loaded up my Social Security Card, my passport, my marriage license, and both of my birth certificates.  And I went to the DMV.

Now, I thought I was being clever, getting there at 7:10 when they opened at 7AM. It's Wednesday...no one will be there.

Said about a dozen other people.

Getting into the DMV building was kind of like being in some epic travel movie.  Like walking to Mordor with a bunch of senior citizen hobbits and a few youngling elves.  Or, really, more like Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail with the Black Knight, because once we got to the door, a large masked man shouted, "WHY ARE YOU HERE?"

Once we share with the masked guard we all got in line, holding our various folders of papers and whatnot and staying 6 feet apart.  Much like Monty Python's chanting monks.

Everyone had what they all needed.  Clearly, we all read the website and brought everything, and everyone got past the second guard guy...the photographer.

You know, the guy who doesn't give a crap whether you practiced your smile in the mirror or not, and whether you need to be photographed at a certain angle so you don't look like you're wearing a flesh beard.  That dude has no sense of artistry....

(And I look like I have a flesh beard.  Again.)

So now we go to the pit of chairs (all set 6 feet apart) and wait for the two...TWO... women at the window to call our numbers. 

Oh, remember a second ago when I said everyone had what they needed?  Yeah...no. there was one woman....the youngest person in the room other than the two wee ones getting their driving tests...the youngest adult in the room, the person who should have had it the most together....SHE DID NOT HAVE WHAT SHE NEEDED!

The first sign of trouble was that she needed to have her picture taken a second time. I didn't realize that was an option.  Wait, we get a second shot?  And did she wait in line to request this second picture? NO! She's young, thin, pretty...she gets to stick her unmasked face over the protective plexiglass and tell the second Orc that she needs a second picture. 

And the second Orc complies.

Which backs up the line.

Anyway, so we're sitting in chairs. And BTW, Dad there with the kid for her test?  Yeah, holding the phone inside the cover of that book isn't fooling anyone. We KNOW you're not reading any book about or by Temple Grandin.  You're checking Facebook and your Ashley Madison account while your kid is taking her test. Be honest about it.

Anyway....where was I?  Oh, right. I was waiting in chairs. And pretty girl was at the counter getting her Real ID.  Turns out...she got married recently  (YAY her) and had to change her name on top of getting the new federal ID.  One tiny hitch...she didn't bring her social security card.  That's like the first thing they tell you to bring.

And even if she had it with her, it didn't have her right name because she got married (Yay her) and had to change her name which she couldn't because of Covid-19.  (Changing your name in the time of Cholera.) and so she didn't think she had to bring it.

The desk clerk went over this point with pretty but clueless several times before she gave up and walked pretty but clueless back over to the photo orc and asked that she be photographed a THIRD time, this time with her old name, and she'd just renew her license and get "the rest of it done" once she had her social security card.

As they walked back to the desk pretty but clueless said, "Okay, so I can get the Real ID now?"

I give the clerk a lot of credit. I would have slapped the woman.  But instead, this lady said, "You cannot get Real ID without your social security card."

"Well, why am I here then?"

We've all wondered that.

So she finally left and it was my turn. I had it all. I had my old drivers license, my passport, my social security card, my birth certificate, and my marriage license.  I was prepared to pay the fees with cash, check, or credit.  I WAS READY!

Well, here's a heads up:  If you have a valid passport, you don't need the birth certificate or marriage license. But, for the love of all that's holy, you still need the SOCIAL SECURITY CARDS.

Oh, and here's something they don't tell you:  You also need a piece of mail with you name and address on it.  A check won't do.  You need TWO items with your name and address on it...and a personal check won't do.

Thank goodness, the clerk was still graveled having dealt with pretty but clueless.  She checked and said just using my license was okay.  (I had every form of ID known to man...but she had to check and make sure it was okay to do this without me having a piece of junk mail in my purse.)

But we were okay. I paid the fee ($14 for the license and $2 because I donated to the organ donor fund.) And I got my paper copy of my new license (which BTW, is only good until the original date of my license expiration....so I get to do this again in 2 1/2 years.)  The whole process from getting past the Black Knight to exiting out the side door was 37 minutes.

So why tell us all this?  Because, my friends, I'm sure I'm not the only one who waited until almost the deadline to get the Real ID and also, waited until less than a week before my passport expired (in the time of cholera) to do this, and I think you should all know a couple things before going in from someone who has been there.

1)  BRING YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY CARD

2) Bring your license and a piece of mail with your name and address on it.

3) If you have a valid passport, bring that. 

4)  If you do not have a passport, you're going to need a certified birth certificate.

5) If you changed your name, you need to bring proof of that. Ladies, bring that marriage certificate.

6)  Bring $14 ($16 if you're going to make that $2 donation) in cash. It's easier.

7) you can fill out the application online...if you can figure it out, but it's just as easy to fill out the paper app in person.

8)  Get there early in the day, but call ahead and check hours for your local DMV.

Also, bring a book.  Like, a book you're really reading.  You're going to need it.

Conversation Starter for this Mothers' Day Weekend.

Awwww, isn't that a pretty picture?  

I'm going to let you absorb that picture for a bit longer before I break everyone's brains with what blew up in my head during my morning walk today.

Are we all good?  Everyone's enjoyed the pretty flowers and the reminder that Mother's Day is this weekend?  

Okay, let's begin.

This whole blog is because I saw this flower.  

I remembered, as I walked past it, that someone on face book called it a "grape hyacinth."

That made me think of grapes. Which made me think about a conversation I had with Skippy recently where he told me he liked grapes, but not grape flavored foods.

Which reminded me how I craved all things "purple grape flavored" when I was pregnant with him.  THAT got me thinking about my other pregnancy craving with him:  Wedding cake.

Skippy is NOT a cake fan. He likes cheesecake.  But he's not really a cake kid.  When he was little, we did ice cream cakes for his birthdays.

As a side note, pregnancy cravings seem weird to many people, but I'm pretty sure pregnancy cravings is what gave us dishes like fried eggs on cheeseburgers and avocado toast.

Anyway...

On the flip side of the pregnancy coin, while carrying Skippy, I could not, COULD NOT, abide the thought of chicken, any kind of chicken.  We lived a block from Golden Chicken (one of my favorite fried chicken places of all time) and the smell from that place about killed me. If there was frozen chicken in our freezer, I made Hubby get ride of it.

Skippy's favorite meat for me to cook? Chicken.

Hmmmmm, thought I...is this science?

Then I thought about Peaches.  Her pregnancy was a little less dramatic, mostly because it was my second and I didn't have the time (because I was working, babysitting, and watching Skippy) to really luxuriate in all the many joys pregnancy has to offer. (Read here:  I had to show up to work whether I was barfing on my shoes or not and the parents of the kid I babysat didn't care if I was perpetually nauseous.)  I had one craving with Peaches, for a very, very specific chocolate candy bar.  (Charleston Chew, if you must know.)

Peaches, until she was maybe 12, hated chocolate.  Hated it.  Even now, it's not tops on her list of flavors.

The other thing about my pregnancy with Peaches was that I HATED the smell of meat.  HATED it.  I remember lying on the couch on Memorial Day weekend, begging for death because everyone in out neighborhood was sacrificing multiple pounds of dead animal flesh on the altar of the grill all weekend.

Now, yes, Peaches has dabbled in the fine art of vegetarianism, when she was a young teen.  BUT, what pulled her out of it a decade ago, was the sweet, beautiful juiciness of a double bacon burger.

So here's a conversation starter for everyone who's having a socially distanced Mothers' Day celebration this weekend:  If you're the mom, ponder your pregnancy cravings and then check in with your adult kids...do they hate what you craved?  What couldn't you eat?  Is that their favorite food?

If you're the kid, ask your mom...I promise you she remembers. That whole thing about forgetting the pain of labor and delivery?  That might be true, but the memory of pregnancy is forever.  Do you love the foods that made her vomit? Did she crave something you now find disgusting?

So there, I've taken care of that sense of discomfort some of you probably feel trying to talk to your adult child/aging parent.  Now when you're skyping your mom and the only part of her face you can see are her eyebrows because she hasn't figured out how to get her whole face in the screen, or when you're face timing your kids and you're mortified because your phone screen is not at all flattering when it comes to your wrinkles and extra chins, you have something to talk about!

You're WELCOME!

For all you moms, grand moms, moms to be, aunties who are second moms, I salute you. It's a magical, messy, noisy, dirty, hilarious little club we belong to.  Happy Mothers' Day to us all!