Sometimes the 5 for Friday takes a little bit because I'm in the middle of living my life and don't realize how absurd things are until I've lived everything in a certain time span. Besides...who can't use a little Friday on a Monday?
Anyway, this past weekend I make several shocking and funny discoveries and OF COURSE I'm going to share them with you!
5) Bel-Air Cantena believes in education...even in the bathrooms.
Yesterday was Hubby's birthday (HE'S 50!) so I took him out for brunch at a place of his choosing. He chose Belair Cantena, a sort of Cali-Mex place that's new to our town. (And if you don't have one in your town...move.) We've been to this place a handful of times and it's always been super crowded and quite noisy so when I have taken a chance and used the restroom, all I hear is crowd chatter. Well, yesterday we were the first ones there for brunch, so there weren't that many people in the restaurant. I used the ladies' room and what, to my surprise, do I hear than a Spanish lesson! Yes, piped into the restrooms is a woman saying English phrases, (We had a meeting, nevertheless, he did not show up.") and then two forms of Spanish, the first spoken by a man, the second by a woman, follow. Not that I learned anything, mostly because I don't believe I've every used the word "nevertheless," but I did try, which made my stay in the restroom far longer than normal (for me). Hey, when was the last time I willingly spent quality time in a restroom? (Well, except for Von Mauer, but that's another story.)
4) Who knew the key to my weight loss was racks of expensive clothing?
So my town got a Von Maur store recently and I've sort of mocked it for being a store that does not cater to to anyone but skinny rich women. And when people wrote posts on Face Book about how glorious the bathrooms were...well...I mocked them for that too.
Who knew this store would be the key to my new, and currently successful, exercise program?
For MONTHS I've been trying to get my body out of bed and go for a walk before work each morning. Nothing has worked for me. I just hit snooze 11 times and then get up at the last possible moment to run from my bedroom to my office (in the bedroom next to mine) to start work. BUT then I visited Von Maur and that all changed.
First of all, the bathrooms are not oversold. They are, quite possibly, the finest bathrooms public or private I've ever used. They are bright, shiny, clean, there are shelves in each stall for purses and bags, and the stalls are ROOMY! (They pipe the piano music from the store into the bathrooms.) I made a point of using one yesterday and I met a woman walking in as I was walking out. She looked at me, looked around at the marble appointments and the clean floors, and said, "I may not want to leave."
Oh yes, I get it.
But that's not what's getting me up in the morning. Nope, it's the promise of buying clothing there! Yes, the prices are ridiculously high. I mean, a blouse for $148 is WAY over my budget. BUT the clearance racks are huge and generous and great for the penny pinching shopper. AND...wait for it...the plus sized department is, relatively speaking, MASSIVE. Sure, it's not as big as regular ladies' departments, but it's far larger than any other store I've been in and the clothes are PRETTY! They aren't tents, they aren't ridiculous, they are clothes made for actual people who would actually wear them!
So, faced with the NEED to shop there, I made a deal with Hubby. If I get up every weekday morning for two weeks and go for a 20 minute or more walk, I get to buy something from the clearance rack.
I am six days in...four more to go. I CAN'T WAIT!
My mother has a boyfriend. No, my father didn't suddenly pass away, but I realized this past weekend that my mother, whether she believes it or not, has an admirer.
See, my mom makes a point of talking to every veteran she sees at the Farmer's Market. That's admirable and I love hearing their stories. But there's this one gentleman we see every weekend. He now stops by our booth every Saturday to chit chat. At first I thought it was cute. Now,I realize he's not there to talk to US, he's there to flirt with my mom! He stopped by last weekend and Mom was on a food run (because everything at the Waukesha Farmer's Market is so yummy) and I told him she'd be back in a couple minutes, that we could chit chat. Nope. He was not interested, in fact, he was downright disappointed. And he walked away.
This weekend he stopped and she was there and OH, MY the smiles and blushes and happy little patter that they exchanged. (Is this what it's like, for my kids to see Hubby and me talk romantically to each other?) when he FINALLY left I teased her about it. I mean, my parents have been married for 51 years and now she's flirting with this GUY? Of course MOM denies anything, says that at her age she doesn't have the energy to do anything about anything. (And of course, you know, she's MARRIED) All I'm saying is that I think the lovely older gent thinks he's making a love connection.
2) Apparently, Hubby thinks Scooters Detract from one's Sexiness
The age old question for adults is, "What do we talk about if we don't talk about our children?" Well, I can sort of answer that...because apparently Hubby and I are now at an age where we can turn anything into a debate.
I made comment that it was a nice looking scooter. Hubby agreed. I made a few more comments, I have no idea what about, and then I said, "Yep, that is a sexy scooter."
"No such thing." says hubby.
I dug my heels in, because...I have no idea why. "No, I think it's sexy."
"Scooters are not sexy, ever."
And this is when the conversations whirls into outer limits.
"So you're telling me, if Heidi Klum or Tyra Banks IN THEIR PRIME sat on that thing, it wouldn't be sexy?"
Hubby says, "Not only wouldn't it be sexy, it would make whoever is sitting on it less sexy."
"So wait, Tyra Banks, in her prime...with the Victoria's Secret Wings, sitting on that thing, not sexy?"
"Nope," says Hubby. "Not Heidi, not Tyra, Not Gisele."
I'd forgotten about Gisele. "So not even Gisele, all glammed out, on that scooter...still not sexy?"Hubby says, "Nope."
At that point we pulled into the driveway and I realized we'd been discussing this for several minutes. I was relieved. At least I know now that we can truly talk about anything, no matter how stupid, and fill the time between now and when we both go to our great reward.
So I've got that going for me.
1) Hubby has an epiphany in the bathroom.
How long have I been ranting about public bathrooms and how I think they need to be standardized? Only forever. Well, this past week, Hubby FINALLY understands what I'm talking about!
He was at Kwik Trip to get coffee and use the facilities. (He's on the road a lot, so he has to make us of public facilities.) While in there he noticed signs that the faucets were now touch faucets. You touch them, the water turns on. Everything else, he said, had to be operated manually. And then he said the words I've longed to hear for so long:
I finally get it.
WA HOO! I've been griping about bathrooms for so long, and FINALLY my husband, my life partner, the guy I talk to more than anyone else (and he says he loves talking to me, but I'm fairly certain I wear him out some days) FINALLY gets what I've been talking about.
Such a giant weight is off my shoulders. Someone finally understands!
Can you see me doing a happy dance?
And then there's this honorable mention, because I'm sassy like that.
The Swingers all think Sue's balls are delicious.
As many of you know, there are two choirs in my church: the pie eating choir and the wine drinking choir. Saturday there was a picnic for the wine drinking choir. We were all to bring a dish to pass, beverages and meat would be there. It was a lovely time! Really lovely and thank you to Mark and Rhonda who threw the bash. (And I'm so glad they only live a couple doors down from us! We didn't have to fight for parking!)
Anyway, the hosts have a back yard swing that seats two or three so I sat there with another lady and after sitting there a bit, she announced that she and I were swingers. This little bit of naughtiness was met with a round of laughter (because clever wordplay is applauded in this group, especially if it's a little naughty) so we kept that joke going.
Then another lady brought her dish to pass: yummy little nuggets of peanut butter, honey, coconut, chocolate and quinoa. SO GOOD! WELL DONE SUE!
However...Sue formed these nuggets into balls.
And thus this comment was thrown around: "Have you tasted Sue's balls? They are DELICIOUS!"
So yes, a little naughty word play is allowed in the wine drinking choir...and yes...the swingers all through Sue's balls were delicious.
And I want the recipe!
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