Okay. I'll admit it. I'm done. The war is over and I've lost. I'm done like the day I delivered my oldest and I informed the doctors and nurses (and pretty much everyone else within hearing) that after 12 hours of labor I was done and they were the medical professionals, they were going to have to get the baby out because I WAS DONE.
And such was the same feeling, albeit I was wearing far more clothing and wasn't lying on my side screaming in anguish, last night as I realized that I'd officially lost the war on public bathrooms.
Congrats, Panera bread, you've taken my life long quest to defeat horrible public restrooms and you've beaten me at my own game. I hope you add my defeat last night to your training videos.
Oh, what, you think big corporations aren't filming us in public restrooms. Please.
Anyway, this is how it happened. Readers of my blog know I keep things as honest as possible and I don't shy away from showing myself is a less than flattering light. It's what keeps you sadistic readers coming back time after time. (Yeah, I know, you all love to watch me crumble. And I'm really, really okay with that.)
So, without further ado...here's what happened:
I have felt pretty lousy the last several days. Stomach issues continue, this time around it's again nausea and a general sense of "blech." Good for the diet, not so good for living life.
Hubby came home from visiting family and was hungry. I was not. I was on the verge of heaving. (Peaches actually asked me on Saturday if I was pregnant. I know, that would be entertaining...but no, that's not what's happening here. I just think I have the flu and it's lasted roughly 19 months.)
But I digress.
So last night we went to Panera Bread. They have clean food, and their soups are very comforting. Just what I thought I might need on a sort of rainy, gross night (not to mention the day my beloved Green Bay Packers lost their wonderful QB, Aaron Rodgers to an injury...and at the hands of the horrible hated Minnesota Vikings.)
There I go, digressing again.
I ordered the chicken noodle soup, literally the gentlest food a person can order anywhere. We had a very nice, quiet meal, but at the end I felt the need for the restroom.
Now, I've been to this Panera before, but I swear to you on my honor as an author and blogger, (Yeah, there's some kind of oath we take...or wait, was that just me) that the last time I used this restroom, this was not a problem. They've clearly updated the fixtures in the last four months.
The stall experience was not the issue. Yes, the stall was a tiny bit too small, but it's not winter yet, so I didn't feel like a sardine wrapped in a giant blanket and squeezed into a tube, as I generally do in non-handicapped stalls. (I don't use the handicapped stalls. I just don't.)
No, the problem was the washing hands portion of the bathroom experience. And here's how it went.
The faucet was automatic, as was the soap dispenser. GREAT!
BUT....
They were quite close together. And when I waved my hand under the soap, after first I got no soap, a second pass turned on the water and the soap at the same time, thereby rinsing the soap off my hands before I had a chance TO WASH.
I attempted the soap again, this time getting nothing on my hands, but some got on the dispenser itself. So I tried to rinse that off with the water, but managed to turn on the soap and the water together...again...and got MORE soap on both faucets, but now at least some was on my hands.
I went through the motion of washing, careful to avoid the faucet so as not to rinse off the soap before I was ready. However, while rinsing I also got too close to the soap faucet and again wound up with soap on my hands...and on both faucets.
This little dance went on for a couple minutes until I figured out a way (I thought) would outsmart the automatic faucets. I would not try washing the soap off with water. No, I would bypass the sink completely and get paper towel to wipe up any erstwhile soap and water.
Humans are smarter than machines!
Yeah, that sense of euphoria didn't last long.
I waved my hand under the paper towel dispenser (On my right, mounted on the wall, a foot away from the water and soap.) and actually got paper towel. SUCCESS!
Then I tried wiping down the two dispensers.
Every time I touched one or other other with the towel, they would BOTH TURN ON. And, and I have no idea why this happened, though I was holding the paper towel ABOVE both dispensers, the towel got went and managed to transfer foamy soap all over both chrome faucets.
\
Now at this point the sink area is covered in soap and water and paper towel and I'm not one bit closer to tidying up after myself than I was minutes earlier. Oh, and my arms are wet. Good thing I was wearing short sleeves.
I take a deep breath and get as much paper towel as the dispense will allow. Armed with several sheets, I decide to take a "Top and bottom" approach, you know, occupying the dispensers from below while wiping them off from above.
Do I really need to tell you how this played out?
I had to admit defeat. I deposited the wet, foamy, towels into the garbage and walked away from the still foam covered faucets. There was just no wiping them down.
All I said to Hubby when I returned to the table was this: "Now I have a blog post."
That's it. I admit defeat. The machines have taken over and I can't beat them. All I can do now is give up and stop using public restrooms forever (Which means I won't be going places much anymore). The alternative, to leave a restroom in worse shape than I found it, is horrifying to me.
Yes, yes. Big Automatic Faucet has me right where it wants me now.
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