Good Saturday morning to you all!
So yesterday the company I work for had a company wide day off, with pay. (Yes, I work for the best company on the planet. ) This was great because I'd had a physical on Tuesday (that was humiliating) and my doc wanted me to go in for some blood tests after I'd fasted 10-12 hours.
My new diet thing is to not eat one tiny bite between 10 PM and 10 AM. I know this sounds weak and that I shouldn't eat anything after like 7 PM, but our dinners around here are late because Peaches has school late. So 10 is still early for me. So far I haven't lost any weight, but I do feel super proud of myself. So there's that.
Anyway, I was trying to figure a way I could have a legitimate 12 hours of fasting on a work day without killing myself, since I work until 1:30, and coffee was on the list of stuff I'm not allowed to have before the blood test. Enter my boss and his wonderful day off.
I got to the clinic at 9 AM, a whole day of fun errands planned and 12 solid hours (dinner was early) of fasting under my belt. I was hungry. Very hungry. So hungry that when I saw the line for the check in at the clinic I almost gave up. I mean, how many people make Friday, 9 AM appointments?
Apparently all of them.
That line lasted about ten minutes and I was on my way to the lab for my blood test. Now, I've done these before. I've blogged about these before because the people who work in this particular lab aren't...how do I put this...really all that customer service minded. They'll see you when they see you and the lady at the desk can and will vanish for no reason and for long periods of time.
I don't know why I keep going to this clinic.
Anyway I get to the waiting room and It. Is. Full. Not like, oh hey, there are a couple ahead of me. No, more like, I have to stand in the hallway because all the chairs are filled. Which is what I had to do after again waiting in line and checking in at that desk.
Why the registration desk couldn't have passed that information to the lab I have no idea.
After standing in the hall for ten minutes a chair finally opens. (One should note, four people left the exam rooms in the lab while I stood out there, but no one went in. Must have been coffee break time. I swear I smelled donuts.) I brought a book along, prepared for this one, so I took the chair, which was in the tight far corner, right next to an old man who smelled of moldy moth balls.
Lovely.
Another ten minutes passed with no one going in or out. The old guy's smell was so strong I thought about getting up and standing in the hall again, especially since more people had come in to the lab to wait and it was getting hot in there, and a little claustrophobic. But I didn't want to be rude.
After a few more minutes the old lady sitting across from me went in and came back out in less than a minutes. She'd gotten there long before I had, and I'd been waiting almost half and hour. She was all cheerful and sweet, getting whatever it was she needed done in less than a minute after long wait. I look forward to a time when I'm old and retired and have nothing else on my schedule than waiting at the lab.
Like that's ever going to happen for me.
The old lady's son had driven her. He looked to be a little younger than I am, and he seemed equally cheerful, although it was clear from their conversation that he, indeed, did have something else better to do. He still had to go to work.
"Oh, that's fine," says old lady. "Next time I'll just drive myself. I can still drive you know."
She said this while trying...and failing...to get her arm into her coat sleeve. All I could think was, yes, and when you are driving, if you could just put out a notice on Face Book for everyone else so we can avoid the roads, that would be great.
Finally, FINALLY it was my turn. Again, as I walked back to the room I could smell coffee and donuts. At this point I'd been fasting, and more importantly not having coffee, for almost 13 hours.
The woman taking blood spent a few precious moments delaying my test so she could whine about how many people were in the waiting room.
Well hey, maybe if there were fewer donut breaks here in the lab and maybe if the front desk lady didn't flirt with some dude who just stopped in to say hi...and then vanish from her post for ten minutes, things would be less log jammed. Let's not blame the people in the waiting room for the department's lack of dedication to their jobs.
I didn't say that of course, because I'm a coward. Instead I said, "Well, I'm sure it'll clear up soon enough and things will slow down for you."
"Oh but I'm off at noon, so I really don't care."
She said that. Out loud. To me.
My test took a couple minutes. Just a quick blood draw, and then I was bandaged and on my way.
Given that it was already after ten, I rearranged my schedule a bit and ran to Taco John's for a quick
breakfast.
I love Taco John's breakfast burritos and if you haven't had one, you should. They are yummy. So yummy, in fact, that I never allow myself to have one because, well, I blame some of my weight problem on eating way too many of them back when I worked for EVIL BOSSMAN.
I get to the drive through and they always ask if I want to try something. Generally I say no and then just place my order, but today I was super hungry and I figured if they were suggesting it then they must certainly be able to make it FAST. So whatever that fuzzy voice was suggesting I was all in.
She told me the total, and I pulled around.
I gave her a twenty.
She gave me $1.25 back.
Okay, I'll admit, I don't know exactly what price she said it would be, but it I was about to eat an $18.75 breakfast burrito, I sure did want to know what kind of endangered animal meat it contained.
"I gave you a twenty," says I.
"No, you gave me a $5," says she, with a defiant curl of her snarky face.
"No, I gave you a 20."
"No, you gave me a five."
This could go on all day, and honestly, if 1) she didn't have my money and 2) I wasn't now deep into the 14th hour of no food and no coffee, I would have just driven off. But this was not an argument I was going to lose because I was right.
How was I so sure?
Because I NEVER carry cash. Like NEVER. And on this morning I'd stopped at the ATM and gotten some cash and, as we all know, ATMS ONLY shoot out 20's. Which means the only cash I had in my purse was in the form of 20's.
"Look," says I , trying to keep calm, "I know I gave you a 20 because it's the only cash I have in my purse. I just stopped at the ATM and that's what I got."
At this point, Snarkface opens her cash drawer and counts her 20's. She then heaves a heavy sigh of one who has been wildly inconvenienced and she says, "Fine." Then she closes the window.
Now I'm sitting there with my food and the $1.25 she gave me for change. She walks away from her post for a moment then comes back and starts texting. Yes, she started texting. I have no idea what or to whom she could possibly be texting. I'd like to think she was reaching a manager who would tell her to stop giving me grief, but it's more likely she was griping to social media at this old woman who was lying to her about change.
Again, I knew I was 100% right. So text away sweetheart. I'm going to sit here until I get my real change back.
After a couple minutes she opens the window and holds her hand out. I'm guessing, since she didn't tell me, she wants the change back. So I hand her a dollar and a quarter. She gets some more money out of the drawer and then pauses.
"Did you give me that quarter back?"
"Yes," says I.
"Are you sure?"
ARE YOU KIDDING? "Yes, I'm sure," I say in my very best stern mom/teacher voice. "I gave you the quarter back."
"Whatever, I'll just let you keep the quarter. Here's your change."
I count it. At this point I suspect that she's now undercharged me for the burrito, but it was a special item so maybe there was a sale. Whatever, I'm not going to get into that argument with her because I am not 100% sure of what the original charge was.
I drove away, exhausted and ready for a nap. But when I got home and ate my steak and egg burrito (that's what she said over the intercom?) I felt triumphant.
Yes, Taco John's Snark Girl...NEVER GET INTO A BATTLE OF WITS WITH A FASTING SARAH WHEN CASH AND FOOD IS ON THE LINE!
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