For the next Michael Myers movie: I'm already working on the screenplay.

Good afternoon!

So I've been spending some quality time watching some of these slasher movie series that AMC has been running end to end the last couple weeks.  I was never really big into horror films in general and slasher films specifically, but I figure, hey, I'm closer now to death, maybe I should check out what I missed when I was a teen.

I started by recording all the Halloween Movies and watching them in order.  I have a feeling that's NOT how the filmmakers meant for me to be watching their work: during the afternoon, with the sun shining, and fast forwarding through commercials.  But it is what it is.  I had no interest in actually spending MONEY on these movies.  (Except I did have an interest in seeing the newest Halloween flick, everyone else in the world seems to be seeing it.)

I didn't find the movies scary as much as they were...odd.  After watching Leo Roth's "History of Horror," I get the cutting edge idea that fostered Michael Myers in the first Halloween film.  But, since that movie made money, and Hollywood is what it is, they kept making these things until there are so many of them now, the punch of the first film is lost.  It's like watching "The Exorcist" for the first time now.  It's been a punchline for a couple decades, the fear factor is gone.  It's a parody of itself.  

However, after watching what I think was a couple dozen Halloween Movies (I've lost count)  I've decided a couple things.

1) Any Halloween movie that does not involve Jamie Lee Curtis is complete crap.  The ones she's in are at least worth a look.

2) If Hollywood wants another Michael Myers movie, I'm already working on the screenplay. And I have a title: Halloween 46 (or whatever number they're on) The Season of the Sofa!

First of all, there's precedence for this title. The third movie in the series is called "The Season of the Witch" so...parallelism. And you know we writers love that.

Second, I'm fairly certain I'm witnessing this sofa horror in my own neighborhood.  It's October here in Wisconsin, as it is pretty much everywhere else.  (Depending on when you're reading this is it might already be November.)  The weather here is less than sunny. It's cold, it's rainy, it's windy.  Generally, October is the money when we in the Upper Midwest batten down our hatches and crawl into our caves for the next six months, emerging only for the four high holiday:  Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Christmas, and New Year's Bowl Game Day.

But, here's something I've noticed quite a bit when I've ventured outside my house:  The streets in my neighborhood are LITTERED with abandoned sofas.

Maybe I'm hyper aware of this because we recently got a "new to us" sofa and our old one is currently sitting in our garage waiting for Hubby to decide whether or not I can give it to someone to make room for the snow blower he just bought.  But I don't think so. House after house is guarded by a damaged sofa, put on the curb for garbage pick up or  for the random college kid who needs something to sit on other than leaky bean bag chairs.

I think this is the work of a deranged guy who either keeps escaping mental institutions or has been living in the woods for the past 40 years.  (Yep, I started the Friday the 13th movies, too.)  I think Michael, or Jason, or whatever Waukesha wants to call the creeper, is wandering around, dragging people's couches out of their houses.  And those couches are going to rise up on Halloween and attack us all.

Nothing to see here. Just two dudes in search of a sofa.

Implausible, you say? Okay, let's review.  Michael Myers escaped mental institutions something like nine times. He also escaped an explosion and a fire in a hospital AND he escaped a hail of gunfire and another explosion.  Also, his doctor shot him something like six dozen times.

And  Jason?  Well, as near as I can tell Jason drowned as a little kid, but lived until the water of the lake until he attempted to kill a girl in a boat. Then in five years he moved to dry land and grew up to be a big, burly adult, who still needed to kill people.  Where the hockey mask comes in to play, I don't know. I only watched the first two movies of that series. (I do have a day job, you know.)  BUT I think, he got the hockey mask from an abandoned sofa that Michael set out for him to find.

Boom, the screenplay is halfway written!