Five for Friday! "Fern" isn't the only F word I said!

 

Howdy everyone!  I know this is Sunday, and I'm two days late with this, so I'm going to just get right into it.

Last week Hubby and I went to the Northwoods of Wisconsin for a few days' R and R.  Because the town we go to is heavily reliant on summer touristry, much of the stores and what nots are closed until May 1.  No worries. We like the quiet.  Also, and this it typically Hubby's point, the State Parks never close.

As many of you know, about 11 months ago Hubby and I started the Noom program for weight loss.  Since then, I've lost 36 pounds. And yes, I'm currently in a plateau  (Darn it all) but I have to say, I definitely feel better and stronger.  Keep that in mind!

So anyway, since the State Parks never close, Hubby and I decided some hiking was going to be in our future, as long as the temper mental spring Wisconsin weather didn't interfere. On Monday of last week we had a beautiful day; sunny, mid 40's, a bit breezy, but good otherwise. Full of optimism and new found energy, we set out on the FERN TRAIL.  And we stepped right into a nifty 5 for FRIDAY!

5 F words from our hike:

5)  FERN

The name of the trail we took.  

We actually started on the back side, on another trail. But it didn't matter, Hubby promised me a 2 mile loop. And if you notice...WHEELCHAIR ACCESSIBLE.  I mean, how hard could it be?

4) FRESH

Ah the fresh air. The Sunshine!  The crash of the waves off Lake Michigan!  Beautiful sand... all of the was very, very good!  I picked up a walking stick to, you know, look jaunty.  (Okay, it was to lean on because I don't have great balance and my arthritis acts up in the spring.)  

We even found this fun driftwood teepee!  See Hubby?  Isn't he cute?

That first hour of the hike was GREAT!  

3)  FLOODED

I was starting to get a little tired as we turned away from the shoreline and headed into the forest. Hubby said, "It's going to take longer if we just turn around than if we keep going forward."  And I said, because I've trusted him for more than 30 years, "Yes, that makes sense. Let's keep going."

Hour two: Funny thing about the forests in Wisconsin the spring, the snow melts and really doesn't drain away quickly. And if there's rain, like there has been, well, the forest floor gets spongy. Or, in our case, the FERN TRAIL gets...FLOODED.  This was a fact we didn't know when we turned off the first trail and started back to the car (we thought) on the Fern Trail which was, as you recall, wheelchair accessible.  (Therefore...EASY).  

Yeah...no.

After much walking through fairly squishy wooded terrain, we came to a spot that was flooded.  And I mean flooded.   We stood at the edge of the water, and I poked my walking stick around in it a little. I've seen people do that in the movies, you know.  And then, I turned and said to Hubby these words:  "I say we go for it. How back could it be?"

Hubby lead the way.  I followed. One step. Two steps. And then...SPOOSH!  Water, up to my knees pouring into my hiking boots.  And this isn't lovely sun warmed ocean water, nay nay. This was the icy cold of melted snow and early April rains. This was water that is as cold as water outside the Poles is bound to be.  And this was the water soaking through my boots, over the top of my boots, through my socks (both pairs) and through my jeans up to my knees. (Curse you, skinny ankle pants, for not rolling up over my chunky knees!)

Which brings me to my next word:

2) FREEZING

I'm no stranger to frost bite.  I got frost bite a lot as a kid. I got it so often, I would get grounded for getting frost bite.  It was kind of my mother's way of protecting me from the cold...I guess.  No TV for a week if my toes turned white.  I mean, I wasn't the one sending myself outside in the cold.  Not a point I brought up as a 7 year old, but you know, something I think about now and again.) Anyway, my feet were FREEZING!  My ankles and calves were FREEZING.

  I went through the first span of flooded trail, Hubby pressed on through the second. He was about 30 yards ahead of me.  I staggered up to a tree stump and surveyed that second pond crossing.  Nope. I was not subjecting myself to that frigidness again. Nope, nope, nope.

There was one other way. Next to the stump, which was sort of an island surround by cold forest water, was the fallen tree. A pretty good-sized fallen tree that reached from the stump to a higher bit of ground...a drier bit of ground.  Of course, all around it and under it was water.  Water deep enough that it would have gone well past my knees.

So, resolute that I was not going through the water again, and also fairly eager to prove my physical therapist wrong when she told me I had a lousy sense of balance, I got up on the log.  (With the help of my walking stick, of course.)

Hubby was skeptical.  "You know if you fall in you're going to be colder,  and wetter, right?"

 Also, we had no idea if we were five minutes from the car or an hour.

Spoiler alert.  We were more than an hour away from the car.

I didn't care. I wasn't going back in the water if I could help it. I had fresh socks and shoes (I learned from a previous hike that you always bring along fresh socks and shoes) in the car.  If I could get across the log and climb the hill then I knew, I just knew the car would be in site.

Okay, it took a minute.  And Hubby, well, he cheered me on, but I think he was prepped to see me fall in. I mean, if you know me, you know...well, yeah. Balance...not my strong suit.  

But I made it.

HAH!  Take THAT, physical therapist!  I have great balance, as long as I have a walking stick!

I'd like to say we celebrated by reaching the car shortly thereafter and warming up quickly. But would there be a blog if that happened?  No!

Several minutes of mushy hiking later, we came upon another flooded span on the trail. This time the span went in about every direction, and we couldn't see the end to it. And also, it looked a lot deeper than our previous pond of death.

Entering our third hour of hiking, I was water logged, freezing, and starting to get tired. I mean, losing 35 pounds can only take a 54 year old girl so far in her first big hike of the year.  We all knew I was going to get tired.  There was one thing we hadn't done, one thing we knew would work, although it would be pleasant.

We would have to leave the trail and go cross county back to the lake shore. We could hear the water and knew exactly which direction to go. We had no idea where we'd wind up, but we knew we could follow the shore back to the parking lot.

After all, we reasoned, we've been through the worst, this will be a little walking and then we'll be okay.

Has anyone else ever gone CROSS COUNTRY or OFF TRAIL in a state park?  

For those of you who haven't, let me share something with you...the state park people do NOT, repeat, DO NOT, trim ANYTHING off the trail.  Once you're off the trail, it's all scrub brush and deep leaves and rotting trees that don't hold your weight at all, and holes covered with leaves and teeny, tiny branches whose only goal in life is to slap you right in the face.

And that brings me to the number one word:

1) FREAKED.

Yep.  somewhere deep in the third hour of hiking, I had a moment. If you know me, you know I have two fears. The first is that something bad happens to my kids. The second is the one that's been with me since October 27, 1973, when episode 6 of season 3 of EMERGENCY aired. That's the episode entitled SNAKEBITE. 

I. AM. TERRIFIED. OF. SNAKES.

Thanks to that episode, I wore socks to bed for...um...20 years. I was convinced snakes couldn't bite through socks.

And all you snake lovers, don't tell me "Oh it's only a little garter snake" or "Not all snakes are poisonous." I don't care. Also, I don't believe you.

So there we are, tramping along in deep leaves and twigs and whatnot and I step on a branch, a long branch.  A branch long enough that the end of it pops up about 6 feet behind me, making a rustling noise.  I jump into the air and yowled.  Yep.  I wasn't a fierce woman who'd been through a ton of stuff in my life and could face anything.  Nope.  the thought of a snake anywhere near me turned me into a leaping, yowling, shaking shred of kid.

Didn't help any that hubby, again several yards ahead of me, looked over his shoulder and asked, "Was that you?"

It should be noted, we hadn't seen another human person in the entire hike.

"YES!  That was me! I thought it was a snake!"

"Oh." And he continued walking.

The good news is we did finally find the shoreline, and we actually emerged from the woods not too far from the parking lot.

In the interest of full disclosure, and I'm not proud to admit this, the minute we reached dry trail again, and were hobbling back to the car with our water-sodden shoes, a jogger popped up behind us.  "On your left" he said, as if he wasn't looking at two people who'd faced a labyrinth through Hades and came out on the other side.

Well, okay, maybe that was a little strong. Still, the jogger just...jogging along like nothing...that annoyed me. So, as he bounced passed me, I saluted him...with two fingers. One on each hand.  (Don't tell Peaches and Skippy.  I always scold them and tell them such a salute is low class.)

Oh, and speaking of "low class"...who thought there would be a DIFFERENT F WORD on this list?  HAH!  Fooled ya!

We got back to the car, and I pulled off my boots and socks (both pairs) immediately. Hubby had a towel in the trunk (smart Hubby!) and we both had alternate shoes and socks.  I will tell you, I did not get any frost bite on my feet and ankles, although I think I got a patch or two on my calves. Don't tell my mom...she'll try and ground me from TV privileges again.  LOL

The rest of the time we tried to dry our boots and socks on the balcony of our hotel. I'm sure the hotel staff was amused, or annoyed or whatever, but since we were the only ones staying there those days, it's not like they were going to say anything!

So there you have it!  A couple days late, but that's my story of my giant hike.

(Yes, not all who wander are lost. But they're probably soaking wet and freezing!)