How is no one talking about THIS?

 Before you read this, remember: I WRITE HUMOR.  If you are easily offended, have no sense of humor, or don't understand satire, you may want to avoid this post.  

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Good morning!

Okay, this has been a rough week here in the US. For those of you who may have missed it:  Roe V. Wade was overturned in the US Supreme Court which has sent the entire country into a fit of rage. I've not getting involved in that debate.  First of all, this isn't the forum for it and second of all, I'm not about to make any jokey jokes about Roe V. Wade.  I'm not getting either side riled up at ME.

However, everyone yelling about women's rights and how women are being marginalized got me to thinking:

There's another right, a much broader right, that's been taken away from women. It's an action that is designed to shame women and keep them from being out in society. It's a rule that's everywhere now and yet...no one is talking about it.  

It started with airports, but this removal of a woman's right has spread to theaters, professional sports, and concert halls across the US.  AND NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT IT!

Of course, I'm talking about the absolutely insidious rules against purses in public places.

Oh, sure, they call it a lot of different things:  Bag policy.  Security rules.  Whatever.  But what we're really talking about here is a complete infringement on a woman's right to carry a handbag of her choosing.  

It started after 9/11, every purse got searched.  Security guards at all ports of public entertainment and travel stuck wooden sticks in our purses to makes sure we weren't carrying weapons of mass destruction.  And we women, we allowed it, because, hey, public safety is worth giving up personal privacy, right?  

We got used to putting our more personal items (and here I'm talking about punctuation protection, of course) in those side pockets where the stick didn't poke.

Then, they started making us carry see through bags.  High schools, sporting events, we carry a bag in, but it had to be see-through.  

We got used to carrying our punctuation protection in flowery little extra carriers.  Not fooling anyone, but hey, at least it wasn't a giant neon sign advertising that we were experiencing our time of the monthly punctuation.  

NOW...well now, we women have two choices (I'm not even making this up) we can:

1) Not carrying anything at all, except what we can fit into our pockets, which will likely be required to be removed from our pockets and put in a basket for inspection (Not making that up...that's a rule at a certain MLB ballpark I attended recently.) 

OR

2) We can carry in a purse NO LARGER than 4"x6".

Friends, this is a clear and obvious war on women.  The powers that be know that we ladies don't want the world to know our most personal stuff, so they've made it almost impossible to go to large events without advertising whether or not we're experiencing a visit from the grammar matron.  (And BTW, I don't know about you, but I find it difficult to get through a four-hour baseball game without a change in punctuation protection. Given how women's pants are constructed...there just aren't enough pockets, or big enough pockets, to supply a gal for the long term. Which means, we're stuck either chancing some kind of embarrassing laundry situation OR we just stay home.

And as for those 4"x6" purses...you know what you can fit in a purse that size?

1 credit card. 1 drivers' license. 1 dollar bill. And maybe one punctuation protector, provided it's not too big.  4"x6" is the size of a snapshot.  

For those of you who don't know what a snapshot is:

Go ahead, ladies. Try to carry what you need for an evening out in this. No room for eyeliner, a little powder, a comb.  So, not only are we doomed to worrying whether or not one layer of feminine protection is going to stave off the Red Army, we also have no way to freshen up our look. Thanks to the bag rules, we ladies go from looking our best to looking like we just finished a shift shoveling coal in the engine room of the Titanic in the course of a date.  

And let's talk about general safety.  No room for pepper spray, keys, or a pen.  How on earth is a girl going to defend herself ala Carrie Underwood if she can't carry a set of keys in her bag?

Ladies, these bag laws have systematically removed our right to carry what we need to feel safe and comfortable in public situations. These laws are designed to force us to stay home.  (WHERE WE BELONG???????????????)

How long, my sisters, will we allow this to go on?

Oh, my lord, I hope you're all laughing...

Five for Friday! Deep Thoughts...by Sarah Bradley

 

Hello and happy Friday all! (Does anyone remember "Deep Thoughts" from Saturday Night Live?  I never completely understood why those were funny.  Maybe I'm not smart enough.)

It's been a minute, I know.  I had every intention of blogging more since work seemed to be less stressful and...oh wait...

There was a reason work was less stressful.  There was NO BUSINESS.  And that's bad...I guess.  And since there was no incoming business there were layoffs.

Anybody out there want to hire me, so I can work from home, 32 hours a week, Monday through Friday. I don't want to do anything really...I'd like to be paid to watch movies and eat.

Which is why I haven't blogged.  I've been in a sort of funk since it happened. I mean, who gets fired on a Friday?  Pretty much everyone, right?  But I...I got fired on a Friday the 13th.  So...there's that.

Anyway, I realized during my morning walk today, because I'm still forcing myself to get out of bed early and walk and make coffee and all that just as if I was still working and not freaking out about bills and whatnot while I slog through endless rabbit holes of endless job board, all which promise great work from home jobs (which is a MUST at the moment since gas is over $5 a gallon and hubby just had his job "adjusted" and is now 100% work at home, and that means he loses his company car so we're down to one car, the mighty Cube, and yes, it's a great car, but no, I don't feel the need to destroy it driving to a job...

Wow, that was a long sentence that went nowhere.

And oh yeah, I've been looking for a literary agent, because I'm just terrible at marketing my books and it wears me out, but the only people returning my calls are people who will gladly publish and market my books because, as they say, I'm a GENIUS AUTHOR! and they can't WAIT to SHARE MY BRILLIANCE" All I have to do is pony up $6200.00 

To put it another way, stuff at the Bradley house is, as always, in flux. Hubby is going to have to buy a car, which we are going to have to insure and fuel, something we haven't had to do in seven years.  And I have to find a job that's going to require me, most likely, to put half my paycheck into the gas tank, which is going to blow because any job I get now is going to be a pay cut from what I was making anyway.

Who wants to start a "go Fund me" for me? LOL

Where was I?  Oh right. So, during my walk today I realized I have some pretty random thoughts and, since it's been a long time since I've done a Five for Friday, I wanted to share those thought with you, my friends and readers.  

Again, these are thoughts that a college educated adult has during a morning walk.  

5) If the early bird catches the worm, does that mean that birds looking for worms in the afternoon are 'bird brained?' Or is that term reserved for the birds trying to locate worms under pavement?

4) Does a clementine taste better than an orange, or do I like them better because they are easier to peal and I'm seriously basing my taste on laziness?

3) Why do I still have my high school prom dress?  What do I think is going to happen in my life that I'm going to need it?

2) If a runner's high is so great, how come I never see anyone smiling while they're running?

1)  Am I the only one who has always confused Cyd Charice with Sid Caesar?  

And there you have it, friends.  My first, and likely not my last, unemployment era five for Friday.  

BTW, I went to the Theater for a Play this week and was accosted and mocked by old people. Stay tuned for that blog!