How is no one talking about THIS?

 Before you read this, remember: I WRITE HUMOR.  If you are easily offended, have no sense of humor, or don't understand satire, you may want to avoid this post.  

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Good morning!

Okay, this has been a rough week here in the US. For those of you who may have missed it:  Roe V. Wade was overturned in the US Supreme Court which has sent the entire country into a fit of rage. I've not getting involved in that debate.  First of all, this isn't the forum for it and second of all, I'm not about to make any jokey jokes about Roe V. Wade.  I'm not getting either side riled up at ME.

However, everyone yelling about women's rights and how women are being marginalized got me to thinking:

There's another right, a much broader right, that's been taken away from women. It's an action that is designed to shame women and keep them from being out in society. It's a rule that's everywhere now and yet...no one is talking about it.  

It started with airports, but this removal of a woman's right has spread to theaters, professional sports, and concert halls across the US.  AND NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT IT!

Of course, I'm talking about the absolutely insidious rules against purses in public places.

Oh, sure, they call it a lot of different things:  Bag policy.  Security rules.  Whatever.  But what we're really talking about here is a complete infringement on a woman's right to carry a handbag of her choosing.  

It started after 9/11, every purse got searched.  Security guards at all ports of public entertainment and travel stuck wooden sticks in our purses to makes sure we weren't carrying weapons of mass destruction.  And we women, we allowed it, because, hey, public safety is worth giving up personal privacy, right?  

We got used to putting our more personal items (and here I'm talking about punctuation protection, of course) in those side pockets where the stick didn't poke.

Then, they started making us carry see through bags.  High schools, sporting events, we carry a bag in, but it had to be see-through.  

We got used to carrying our punctuation protection in flowery little extra carriers.  Not fooling anyone, but hey, at least it wasn't a giant neon sign advertising that we were experiencing our time of the monthly punctuation.  

NOW...well now, we women have two choices (I'm not even making this up) we can:

1) Not carrying anything at all, except what we can fit into our pockets, which will likely be required to be removed from our pockets and put in a basket for inspection (Not making that up...that's a rule at a certain MLB ballpark I attended recently.) 

OR

2) We can carry in a purse NO LARGER than 4"x6".

Friends, this is a clear and obvious war on women.  The powers that be know that we ladies don't want the world to know our most personal stuff, so they've made it almost impossible to go to large events without advertising whether or not we're experiencing a visit from the grammar matron.  (And BTW, I don't know about you, but I find it difficult to get through a four-hour baseball game without a change in punctuation protection. Given how women's pants are constructed...there just aren't enough pockets, or big enough pockets, to supply a gal for the long term. Which means, we're stuck either chancing some kind of embarrassing laundry situation OR we just stay home.

And as for those 4"x6" purses...you know what you can fit in a purse that size?

1 credit card. 1 drivers' license. 1 dollar bill. And maybe one punctuation protector, provided it's not too big.  4"x6" is the size of a snapshot.  

For those of you who don't know what a snapshot is:

Go ahead, ladies. Try to carry what you need for an evening out in this. No room for eyeliner, a little powder, a comb.  So, not only are we doomed to worrying whether or not one layer of feminine protection is going to stave off the Red Army, we also have no way to freshen up our look. Thanks to the bag rules, we ladies go from looking our best to looking like we just finished a shift shoveling coal in the engine room of the Titanic in the course of a date.  

And let's talk about general safety.  No room for pepper spray, keys, or a pen.  How on earth is a girl going to defend herself ala Carrie Underwood if she can't carry a set of keys in her bag?

Ladies, these bag laws have systematically removed our right to carry what we need to feel safe and comfortable in public situations. These laws are designed to force us to stay home.  (WHERE WE BELONG???????????????)

How long, my sisters, will we allow this to go on?

Oh, my lord, I hope you're all laughing...