Could "Change of Life" mean standing in line is now entertaining?

It is a well known fact that I hate waiting in line.  It is also a well known fact that I always seem to wait in line behind someone who is making a gigantic deal out of nothing and holding up the line with complete nonsense, which then triggers my rage button.

I'm pretty sure this menopause thing...which I'll call chang-o from now on (for Change of Life) has changed my attitude about standing in line behind dumb dumbs. Listen to two stories from the last few days and see what you think:

Story #1.

I got in line at my local Meijer grocery store  (I tend to go there because it's way less crowded than Woodman's and generally has enough live cashiers to deal with the people in the store.)  There was no one ahead of me, but the cashier was scanning items.  I though maybe she was training or checking prices or something. She finished scanning the items ahead of mine. Mine were loaded on the belt.  I was, in terms of grocery check out, at the point of no return.

That's when she looked at me and said, "It's going to be a while."

Oh crap.

While I appreciated her honesty, no one likes to hear that, especially when they have frozen zucchini noodles on the belt.  (That's another blog.)

But still, I was curious.  What situation had I walked into?

"He's getting cash and she's getting a cake," the cashier said as if reading my thoughts.

Now I was really curious. Who would plan their lives so poorly that they have to get cash and one more item after they've put their stuff on the belt?  And who would possibly expect the world to stop long enough for them to get those things?

I got my answer a moment later when the oldest man in the world walked up to the cashier.

He had a wad of cash in his hand. The cashier told him the total.  "That's without the cake," she added.

"Is that with the cake?"  He asked.

"No. She hasn't brought the cake yet."

"So where's the cake?"

The cashier blinks, her brain realizing she has to adjust to now speak to an older man who is very deaf.  "SHE HASN'T BROUGHT IT HERE YET!"

But the man isn't listening. he's got his back turned to her.  He's getting his coin purse out of his back pocket. Now, the cashier and I believe he's getting exact change, since he had to go get cash.

Nope.

He pulled out a credit card and handed it to her. He stuffed his cash back into the coin purse.

the cashier ran the card and handed it back to him. At this moment the wife rolls up. And by "Rolls up" I mean she's in one of those scooter things stores provide.  In her front basket she's got a "cake."  It's actually a fluff dessert, the type that's layered whip topping/pie filling/whip topping. There might be cake in there...but I doubt it. Very pretty, very tempting.  Believe me, I've wanted to eat one for years.

Now, The Oldest Man is four steps away from the bagging area.  Roller Girl hands the cake to the cashier, who scans it and says, "That's six dollars even."

Oldest Man shuffles back, and takes the cake.

Roller Girl has not been paying attention to this transaction.  She's been adjusting her blouse or something.  When she finally looked up, she asked, "Did he get the cake?"

"Yes," Says cashier, "He has the cake."

Whereupon Roller Girl starts to wheel away from the cashier.  It takes a moment for the cashier to realize that Roller Girl thinks Oldest Man paid for the cake and she's about to leave without paying.

"No, no!"  yells cashier.  "He HAS the cake. You still have to PAY for the cake."

Roller Girl stops her ride, sighs heavily, and then backs up....beep....beep...beep.  SHE pulls out six dollars in cash.  Cashier takes it and then Roller Girl rolls away.

Cashier just shook her head and thanked me for waiting. I thanked her for the great theater.

That's when I realized standing in line was not automatically pushing my rage button.

Which brings me to story #2.

After church on Sunday we stopped at Kohls.  The good one, in Muskego. The two stores in Waukesha are terrible.  Besides, we've been going to church in Muskego...so it really works out.  (For me.)

On this trip, all I had to do was return an Amazon item that Peaches bought and didn't like.  Hubby dropped me at the door because we didn't intend to shop and he didn't care to stand in line with me.

 There was one person in line ahead of me.  SCORE!  I figured this transaction should take me three minutes, tops.

The person ahead of me went to Kathy, one of two women working the returns counter.  Meanwhile, I got Ashely.  As I set my item on the counter the phone rang. Ashley stared at it as if it were a foreign sound to her. (She was younger...it might have been.)  After it ran four or five times (something that does push my rage buttons immediately...answer the phone!)  she picked it up.  She mumbled a bit for a moment then put the phone to her chest and said, "Kathy....Kathy....Kathy...."

Kathy finally looked up and Ashely asked, "Is there a bigger store than this around here?"

The woman behind me said, "There's nothing in Muskego other than this store."

Kathy said, "No there aren't any big box stores in Muskego other than us."

All three of us looked at each other, sharing the one thought, "What a weird question to call about."

Ashley returned to the phone and mumbled some more.  Then she put the phone to her chest again.  "Kathy....Kathy....Kathy...."

Kathy finally looked up again.  Ashley said, "This woman wants to know if there's a bigger Kohls around here.  I'm not from around here, I don't know.  Maybe like Wau keh sha?"

Yeah, Ashley not's from around here.  She didn't pronounce Wau KEE sha correctly.  So why is she answering the phone?

That's when the growing line of women behind me started shouting out locations of other kohls. The first thing we all did was say, "Don't go to Waukesha, those stores are terrible!"

Ashley listened to the cacophony of store locations and then stared at me like a deer in the headlights.

"124th and North Ave in Brookfield," I said with great authority.  That's the biggest store I know.  Also, that's a store that's already got their holiday decorations up even as we speak.  They're like the anchor store for the area.

Ashely, however, not being from around here, mumbles, "Ummmm, so 124th and north Brookfield ave?"

Because that's what I said.

Apparently the woman ( oh yeah, it's a woman, no doubt) on the phone wasn't happy with that answer because she kept Ashley on the phone for another two minutes before Ashely put the phone to her chest and said, "Kathy....Kathy....Kathy.....which Kohls has a bigger shoe selection than we do?"

It was hubby who pointed out, when I related the store to him later, that the caller was probably standing in this store's shoe department at that moment.

Further proof that this was a woman.

"You have the best shoe selection of any of the kohls' I've been in," I tell Ashley because, let's face it, the customer Kathy is trying to help is getting pretty annoyed.

Ashley relays this message and after another two minutes, she hangs up. She thanks me for waiting and then reaches for the Amazon returns scanner. Which apparently is not working....

"Kathy....Kathy...Kathy...."

It took a solid fifteen minutes to return the item. Normally this would have sent me into a hot flash inducing  rant.  But nope, I related the story to Hubby with mirth.

So I ask you...does this mean that the Chang-O has not only changed my feminine punctuation, but also my rage issues?  Will waiting in line be fun now?  I mean....I used to want to punch people and howl.

Now, I don't.

At leas not the last two times.  Let's see what happens the next time I'm at the pharmacy....

The rising cost of healthcare is not the problem...this guy is.

Good afternoon all!

So I know it's been some time since I've blogged, but I have a good excuse...nothing remotely amusing has happened to me in a month.  The minute Hubby came home from his Rocky Mountain Vacay, the kids stopped causing trouble, the cars all worked, the cats stopped breaking stuff and puking on everything, and I found a leather sofa to replace the crappy sofa we bought at Ashely four years ago.

Side rant before I get to the real rant:  DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT buy any kind of furniture that calls itself "Durablend."  Four years ago this month we bought a fairly expensive sectional sofa.  We wanted leather because we have 5 cats and let's face it, a cloth covering is just an allergen trap forever. BUT, leather furniture, real leather is 1) Super expensive and 2) hard to find.  ("Leather Match" is a fun way of telling people there's leather where your butt hits and no where else. "Bonded Leather" just means a slurry of leather bits mixed in with floor sweepings to look like leather.)  And of our choices, Durablend seemed like a decent option.  And we trusted the sales person at Ashley furniture.  But we also got their 5 year warranty.

Yes, this is completely normal.  There's not

a thing wrong with this sofa.

Flash forward 3 years. A tiny crack in this "it's going to last you 20 years or more" sofa turns into a railway map of cracks and peeling cover. It was like paint pealing off a wall.  Within a year after the first crack started, three of the cushions and the one arm rest were toast.  

We called the Ashely place where we bought it. Unfortunately, that store no longer exists, so we went to the next nearest store. They found our records and gave us the contact info for their warranty company.

4 years of regular wear and tear.  If monkeys live in your house.

The warranty company said what we were experiencing was normal wear and tear and therefore was not covered by the warranty.  (It should also be noted that the warranty company would ONLY  contact us through snail mail. Because it's 1982.)

I found my bliss at the Restore!

After several phone calls, all of which went nowhere (Ashley Furniture finally admitted they no longer use that warranty company because they're terrible.  But no one seems to be willing to help us feel less pain.) I took matters into my own hands. I went to the Habitat For Humanity Restore near my house.  There we found a BEAUTIFUL leather sofa, chair, and footstool for less than what even a discount store was asking for a "leather match" sofa.  

The money from Habitat Restore sales goes to finance homes built in my community. So, not only did I get a stellar furniture set, I'm helping others.

The moral of the story here is:  Durablend and Ashley Furniture BAD.  Top Grain leather and Habitat Restore GOOD!

But that's NOT why I'm blogging today. No, once again, the line at the Sam's Club Pharmacy has made it into the blog.Once again I was standing in line, this time behind one guy. I was optimistic.  Men tend to take less time doing pretty much everything because they don't ask questions, they don't chit chat, they just get their stuff and move on.

Except this one guy.

Who was in front of me at the pharmacy.

It was about 3:30 in the afternoon. That's sort of a magic hour for the pharmacy. The perfect storm of early in the day old people still straggling in to get their meds mixed with end of the day less old people running in after work. The line at this time of the day doesn't take long to grow into something pretty awful.  Looking behind me on this day, I was really happy to be next up.

Except, this guy was taking forever!

From what I gathered (because that little bit of distance between you and the counter really isn't far enough to keep every conversation private, which makes me wonder why they even bother telling us to stand four feet away from the counter. It just messes with the flow of that aisle and we all get hear to everyone's business anyway) this guy was worked up (seriously hot under the collar) because his insurance company wasn't covering as much of the cost of his medication as it had previously and he wanted to know why.

Now, a normal person would have said, "wow, that med didn't cost me that much last time.  I guess I need to call my insurance company and find out why."

But not this guy. Nope, he jumped into one of those circular conversations that make me insane. This is how it went." 

Guy:  My med didn't cost this much last time.

Counter guy:  We only charge what isn't covered by insurance.

Guy:  But this is more expensive. Did you raise your prices?

Counter guy:  No. We only charge what isn't covered by insurance.

Guy:  I want to talk to a manager.

Counter guy:  Okay  (Gets someone else.)

Second counter guy:  What's the issue?

Guy:  My med is more expensive than it used to be. Did you raise your prices?

Second Counter guy:  No. We only charge what isn't covered by insurance.

This goes on, I am not kidding you, for another three minutes. Meanwhile, the line behind me is now up to fifteen people.  I'm still next. But I'm starting to lose hope that I'm ever going to see the front of the line.

Second counter guy leaves.

Guy:  So what am I supposed to do about this?

Counter guy: You can pay for it now and contact your insurance company or you can leave it, call your insurance company and then pick it up later.

Guy:  STARTS DIALING HIS INSURANCE COMPANY!

(And this is why I think you need to take some sort of test before you get a cell phone. If you don't know that a phone call to your insurance company is NOT something you do while more than a dozen people are waiting in line behind you, then you do not deserve a cell phone.)

Counter guy:  Maybe you could call your insurance company later?

Guy: No, I need to get to the bottom of this right now. Your prices keep going up.

Counter Guy: We only charge what insurance won't cover. You can sort this out with your company later?

Guy: I need to know why this price has gone up.

Now I'm not heartless. I know the panic that sets in when a medication price goes up.  Been there, done that, it's why I have a huge balance on my credit card.  So yes, I understand why he feels the need to get to the bottom of this. But we are now in a line of 20 people, I've been standing there for fifteen minutes, and I can hear the automated answering system of the guy's insurance company (because he's got his volume set to "SCREAM") from four feet away.

Guy:  (Hanging up the phone because he can't get a live person.)  Well I'll have to call them later I guess.

Counter guy: Do you want to pay for this now or come back later?

Guy: I'll pay for it now. I mean, this isn't about the money. It's sixteen cents.

Every ear in that line perked up at this.  SIXTEEN CENTS?  THIS GUY IS MAKING US STAND IN THE LINE OF BROKEN DREAMS FOR SIXTEEN CENTS?

I look down the line and we all have the same expression. If we all kick in a penny, he'll have the sixteen cents plus enough left over to cover the cost of his next prescription upcharge.

Now I'm not making this up.  Not one bit of it.  The guy then starts dialing his phone AGAIN to try and reach his insurance company AGAIN.  He listens to the automated answering service AGAIN (which I can hear clearly) and hangs up.  He says, and I'm not making this up, "I guess no one is going to pick up.  I'll just have to pay for this and get my sixteen cents back later or something."

HE REALLY THOUGHT IF HE CALLED BACK HE'D GET A LIVE PERSON?

Oh, and of course OF COURSE he pays in cash...with pennies, nickels, and dimes, right down to the last of the sixteen cents.

By the time it's my turn, I've been in line twenty-three minutes, my blood pressure is beyond the red line, and there are more than thirty people in line behind me.

I gotta start going to one of those twenty-four hour pharmacies. I mean, stuff like this can't possibly happen at three in the morning, right?

Meanwhile, is there a medication I can take for line rage?  Can I get that covered?