WARNING!
This blog post deals specifically with a certain feminine issue and reading this post may be offensive, disturbing, or gross to anyone who is not an adult woman.
You know who you are, and you have been warned!
Okay, so I turned 50 this year. Granted, I JUST turned 50, so it's not like I was 50 all year...but still, I turned 50 this year. And with that age comes a certain expectation regarding my female punctuation.
Like, maybe, I'm going to start NOT HAVING IT?
Since my mother has always been pretty open about it, I know that by the time she turned 50 she was all but DONE with the whole punctuation thing. AND, since I spend every Saturday half the year with my mom at my farmers market booth where she sells her art and I sell my books, I also know that she's very interested in how my biological slowdown is going.
Well, let's review the steps of early menopause, shall we?
Not to be too gross, but yeah...this fits.
Including the irregular punctuation.
Except...ummm....there's this:
I've been keeping track of my punctuation for the last two years because my mother, my close friends, my doctors, all seem to be really interested in what's going on with my system. This past year I've had a number of medical tests done under the heading of "why is Sarah anemic?" (Personally I think they just wanted a reason to poke at my uterine lining and draw blood endlessly, but that's just because after five months of really invasive testing they found nothing conclusive and wanted to do more invasive testing.)
Anyway, after tracking my punctuation very closely, guess what I realized about 2017?
Yes, yes, my punctuation was a bit different from previous years.
BECAUSE I HAD MORE OF THEM.
For those of you who don't know: typical women have 12 punctuation experiences a year. One per calendar month. I've had 12 like a clock since I was 13 with the exception of my two pregnancies.
But I, having turned 50 this year, and waiting for a slowdown...guess what I did?
I HAD 14 of them!
I know I felt like I was constantly punctuating this year, and I know Hubby thought this, although he's such a good guy, he didn't mention it. But now that I look at my stats (carefully recorded in the notes section of my phone) I realize...yes...indeed...I HAVE BEEN CONSTANTLY PUNCTUATING.
WHAT THE #%@&* is going on here?
Every time I see my mother, she tells me how she was done with everything grammar related by the time she was 50.
Since she's my only female relative who 1) is still alive and 2) made it to menopause without surgical intervention, I've got no one else I can ask whether or not I'm just some throwback to an ancestor who continued punctuating deep into their senior years.
So, to my mom, I'm some sort of zoo animal science oddity and my punctuations need to be commented on.
And now...now I get to tell her that not only am I not slowing down...I'm ACTUALLY HAVING MORE of them!
I'd like to think my body is just going through some kind of fire sale/clearing house thing and in another six months everything will just go from full ON to full STOP like some sort of magic trick.
But, knowing how my life goes, I think we can all expect this particular source of annoyance to continue forever.
OH GREAT!
At least...until next month.
Happy new year everyone! Here's hoping 2018 treats us all well!
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