So as some of you may know, I've been having issues with my left foot lately. Since this is the year I made the resolution to stop ignoring what ails me and address all issues, mind and body, head on, I set up an appointment with a podiatrist.
Stupid new year's resolutions.
This is a doctor I saw three years ago. At that time she informed me, to absolutely no one's surprise, that I had arthritis in my feet and needed to wear much less cute shoes.
This time around the pain in my left foot warranted more x-rays, which she looked at for about six seconds. Seriously, it took longer to take off my shoes than it did for her to look at the scans. Btu that's not my biggest complaint with my appointment.
I don't know what that doctor expected my left foot to do, but she put down a puppy pad before she looked at it.
I'm not that familiar with all the finer points of the human body, but I haven't heard of a foot peeing on anyone.
So I'm sitting there, letting this woman who is expecting some sort of podiatric (Is that a word?) urine on the floor fondle my foot. She pokes and jabs at the sore spots and then says something that horrifies me:
Let's have you stand on your toes just on your left foot.
Really? Sweetie, if I could stand on my toes on BOTH FEET, we wouldn't be standing here.
But no, she was serious. She had me stand next to a bar and assume the one footed position. I picture is like some sort of horror film where an aging ballerina is told she must get on point or her fluffy little child or dog or whatever will be slaughtered.
I'm not sure what she was expecting, but I know the howl of agony that fell out of my face as I braced myself on the ball of my left foot. She made me hold that position for a lifetime...okay like ten seconds.
"I believe I know what's wrong. You have PTTD," says she. "And the good news is I think we can fix it."
You think? And that's the good news? And what is PTTD? Why do I have to look stuff up to know what I have? Why can't you just say, "You have a screwed up foot because you're old and fluffy and started an exercise program you foolish woman."
"The bad news is that you're going to have to wear a boot."
That's when she walked out of the room and another woman came in holding a huge plastic moon boot. "Don't shoot the messenger," says she as she straps me into FRANKEN BOOT.
I'm not going to shoot anyone, but I did ponder giving her a good swift kick with my new footwear. (An urge I had to fight again when I went to schedule my next appointment at the front desk and had to explain to the receptionist what I had and why I had to see the doctor again. This involved me showing her the page in the multi paged packet the doctor gave me. Whereupon the receptionist was able to enter that information into my file. I mean...)
Anyway, the boot lady did point out that it's a good thing it's my left foot. At least I can still drive a car.
Oh, good. I work from home. Driving is the least of my worries.
The doctor informed me I was to no longer do any "excessive walking."
That's the horrible part about all of this. I've been walking for 30 minutes 6 mornings a week for the last month or so. It's been good for me. Gives me energy to get through the day without napping, and gives me the strength to do a second walk later in the day, thereby burning calories, hitting my step and active minutes goal, and getting healthier over all.
And now I have to stop that for the next 4-6 weeks.
On the way home from the doctor's I stopped at the store to pick up a couple things. Navigating with Franken boot was one part awkward and one part painful. I watched a woman drive one of those motorized shopping carts around and thought maybe I should give that a try the next time I had to shop, you know, when I needed more than two things. Yeah, a cart like that might be a good idea.
I posted the picture of Franken Boot on my face book page and immediately my wonderful friends had helpful suggestions for continued fitness during this time. Upper body stuff, hand weights, that sort of thing was the top suggestion.
Hmmm, I have hand weights. No problem, I can work with an all upper body thing. That's a good idea.
Wait...why does this seem familiar?
Upper body work out. Motorized shopping cart. Vastly lost mobility.
Oh good lord.
Paging Dr. NOWZARDAN!
I've just become a star of a TV show!
Well friends, this is going to be a ride to say the least. Stay tuned!
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