Hello everyone! I'm taking a short break from decorating the house for Christmas to send you all a little bit of a holiday letter. I can't promise you it'll be entertaining, but I guarantee it's not like any other holiday letter you've gotten.
We all get those letters this time of year, right? Susie's on the honor roll. Jimmy's the starting QB. Bob got promoted twice this year and to celebrate we took the whole family to Italy. And Sharon, well Sharon just wrote a song that got recorded by Blake Shelton (or insert some musician you like) so they all moved to Nashville and live next door to Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman.
Meanwhile, in your life...It's a shambles. One kid's failing school, one kid dropped out of college, you lost your job and thanks to Covid, your husband's restaurant closed and he hasn't left the couch since 2021.
Normally I'm able to rise above all of the Facebook Comparisons and all that. My kids are awesome, my husband is a pillar of any and all communities, and I'm perfectly happy living in the suburbs with my little job and my little writing hobby.
But this year I noticed something, especially last Wednesday night as we were driving to Hubby's mom's place for Thanksgiving: I'm blue. I'm not feeling the excitement and energy and joy the holidays usually bring me. All I can feel is overwhelmed and...blue.
I know I'm not alone. So many of my friends experienced devastating family losses this year of a spouse, a child, or a parent. Maybe some of those losses were not shocking, because of age or illness. That doesn't matter. There's one less person sitting at the table this year.
Some of my friends and family experience the breaking of a relationship. Or divisions within the family due to politics, religion, and whatever else we humans allow to come between us and the people around us. Some of us, many of us, okay, this would be me, lost a job and hard a really, really hard time finding anything to replace it. Even now, while I like my job, it's not fulfilling our financial needs, and things are a bit tight here. We're not broke; but redoing the kitchen has been put on hold...for about the fifteenth year in a row.
I don't have to look too far, either, to see people very, very close to me battling mental illness and suffering. I look at the younger generation, my children and their friends, and I wonder if we are addressing mental illness better now than we did when my grandmother was with us and so burdened and anguished with her schizophrenia, or if there are actually so many more people out there doing battle with the noises and pains no one else can hear or see.
Even saying the words, "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays" has become a reason to be angry. Let me tell you all this, my friends: I am a Christian, and I celebrate Christmas. So if I say, "Merry Christmas" to you, I'm not making a political statement or judging you in any way. I'm saying it because, to me, even now in my state of blue-ness, Christmas is just the best, best, best thing and I want everyone to experience the bestness of it all. (And yes, that includes celebrating the birth of Jesus.)
Conversely, if I say, "Happy Holidays" I'm warring on Christmas or trying to cut the Savior out of the celebrations. I'm acknowledging that there are many other religions and celebrations this time of year and that I respect the right of others to celebrate what they believe how they believe. (I don't understand why on earth every single religion in the world doesn't decorate in pretty twinkle lights this time of year, but that's just my thing. I love twinkle lights.) I'm not trying to do away with Christmas. I'm wishing those around me a happy holiday, no matter what you celebrate.
But saying it here, I know it's just a drop in the bucket compared to all the yelling and shouting and unkindness out there. And friends, it's gotten to me.
It's all gotten to me.
My kids have struggles that never seem to end. And those struggles aren't public. So the outside world doesn't really know just how awesome Peaches and Skippy really are. The world sees what it sees and judges thusly.
Hubby used to love his job. Now, he still works for the same company, but he lost the position he loved thanks to Covid. Instead, it's all remote, all day. All day he sits at his desk in the house, working endless hours. The overtime is great, it almost makes up for the fact that I'm working halftime. But toll it's taking on his heart is great, and it's got me down. He spent too many years working jobs he hated when the kids were little because he had to. He shouldn't have to put up with all that.
As for me, sure, I like my new job. But it's a job. And, thanks to losing the job I loved for seven years this past spring, a move that didn't completely come out of nowhere, but really left me brokenhearted because not only did I lose a job I loved, I lost friends I loved, friends who got to keep their jobs, are still working at the same place even now, and they don't talk to me...and I have no idea why.
I had a job in the late summer that seemed possible. But it sucked the lifeforce out of me. A healthy adult shouldn't be going to bed at 6PM. I made some friends there, friends who have stayed with me even though I only worked there seven weeks. So that's a plus. Now I have this new gig, and it'll turn into something, but in the meantime I don't feel like I'm pulling my weight around the house. The house, which is always a mess. Something's always broken. But I'm overwhelmed by it all. I'm writing, because I'm afraid if I don't, people are going to look at me and say, "what is it you do all day?"
There is excitement for the holiday season, sure. In church this morning we talked about putting lights on the tree and how beautiful it is and how, "The darker the night the more beautiful the light." Of course, we were talking about the light of Christ in a dark world, but I went hope and started stringing a crap ton of twinkle lights in my living room. They're going to be able to see my tree from space. I mean, if they drilled a hole in the roof. Oh, wait, there's already a hole in the roof.
Friends, I'm not complaining. That's not what this is about. I wanted to let you all know that everything around here isn't a laugh a minute. I try to make it so, because if I didn't laugh at myself, I'd spend more time crying, and honestly, I'm what you'd call an ugly crier. Like really ugly.
I guess what I'm saying, in this completely introspective, depressing little tome, is that if you're feeling blue right now, during the holidays, it's okay. It's normal. If you feel like your family isn't as good as all the families on Face book, hey, you're not along feeling like that.
When I was a kid, my parents got dozens of Christmas letters but one stood out in all those years. It was a teacher friend of my mom's. And one year the whole letter was about illness and surgeries and puss and snot. We called it the depressing letter. Forty years later, if mom says the woman's name, I ask, "She's the depressing letter lady, right?"
My point is, let's get real, people. You want your distant friends and family to know what's going on, be honest. Or if you can't be completely honest, at least don't lie. There was a Christmas letter one year my parents got where the mom raved on and on about her five children and their accomplishments. Not one word about the husband. Not one. My dad asked if maybe the husband died. No, he didn't. She just couldn't find anything to brag about with him. I mean...
Got nothing earth moving to say? How about telling your friends you're making it from day and to day and you're praying for better times? How far would that go toward making your friendships, your real friendships stronger? I get letters from relatives where it's, "Oh this kid was amazing and that kid cured the common cold." When we get letters like that, Hubby and I throw the letter in the middle of the room, get a walking stick, and beat the letter on the floor. I'm not even kidding. Brag too much, your letter gets beaten with a stick in our house.
Friends, it's okay to be blue. I am right now. But let's not hide it. Let's be okay not being okay. Let's lean on each other, and on our faiths. Let's find what unites us, even if it's just all of us admitting we pray for a blizzard so we don't have to go to the family gathering.
Above it all let's all have
AND
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