And now for something completely different...

 

Howdy all! I know, I know, two blogs in two days? Who is this?

Well, I promised I'd tell you all about my continuing job saga, so here we are.

okay, back in the spring of 2022 I was laid off from what I thought was going to be my job until retirement. Turns out, the owner sold the company, the new owner didn't know jack or squat about running a company, and the result was Sarah had to find a new job.  (The two owners are doing just fine, so how is that fair?) 

After a few months on Unemployment, which isn't as much fun as one would think, I started the cubicle life at Generac.  That lasted six weeks. Not because I didn't get along with anyone, I really, really liked the people I worked with.  I am in touch with several of them still, more than a year later. Not bad for 6 weeks of work. But the cubicle life was not for me.

So I landed a gig at this wee little IT company. I know, you're all thinking; IT?  Sarah?  Sure, why not?  It was sold to me as a really simple, no stress, gig with an absentee owner and permission to watch whatever I wanted to online.

PERFECTION!

And it was. Until the guy who trained me retired.  Then I went from the part time girl with no responsibilities to the part time office manager who had to run payroll and pay bills online and make sure the rent check got out on time. And all that I managed just fine.

What I couldn't manage was the suddenly not so absentee owner who turned out to be...well, for those of you who've read my Elsie W books (NOW AVAILABLE ON AUDIBLE) let me put it this way: Like Elsie, but with paperwork and general disorganized computer stuff instead of food.  Also, when the moon was full he'd freak out over pretty much everything.  Especially me.  And how I wasn't selling anything.  

Um...I'm a receptionist/office manager/ paperwork pusher at a small IT company. What, exactly, was I supposed to sell?

Yeah, so this became a theme: Full moon, boss yellling, Sarah bewildered.  A girl can only take so much of that.  I've heard this song and done this dance (Evil Bossman, NBM) I'm all done with the overlord cray-cray that makes me cry at work.  So, at some point in September I started looking for a new gig.

I actually got a new gig, with a previous employer, but it's a start up and so far, so clients. So that's on hold. Meanwhile...

October: The moon was full and the boss was in the office. In spite of the fact that we had a ton of stuff going on and he was behind on everything, he took an hour or two to listen to all of my incoming phone interactions with customers.  And then he called me up to his office.

He informed me that he was writing me up for insubordination because in all the phone calls he'd listened to, I wasn't acting like a salesperson. In fact, he asked, what was the point of me, he had an automated phone system, that could do everything I was doing in the office, but for free.  I tried to defend myself, explain how a number of the calls weren't even involving any sort of anything, but he said, "If you try to defend yourself, I'll fire you right now. Or you can leave."

Two things: 1)  Home slice doesn't quit without a new gig lined up.  Boss is going to have to say the words that gets me unemployment.

2) This wasn't the first time he'd asked me why he was paying me for anything.

Job search started to get a bit more serious.

November:  The first day back from Thanksgiving, Boss calls me on my cell before office hours.  He says, "When Bob gets into the office, send him home. We don't have enough work for him this week and he's not doing anything anyway."

A little background on Bob:  Boss wanted a sales guy, someone to pick up the slack for tech #1, and someone to maybe sell a new tech product Tech #1 and I had been talking about for months.  The first guy he hired was some guy he met in a bar.  Brought in without any background check or even a resume.  He couldn't work before noon because he had one of those breathalyzer starters on his car and couldn't get sober enough to start the car before noon.

He lasted four days.

Second tech was a younger guy, bright, personable, really quick learning.  Also hired without a background check or any phone calls to what I later found out was a REALLY spotty resume with a ton of gaps in time.  He often called in saying he was "working from home."  (We had no work from home.)  Turns out, he had a raging cocaine problem.  

He lasted four weeks. Showed up to work six days of that.

Boss and I had a long talk after that. I said, to comply with our business insurance we had to do some kind of background check on our employees since they go into people's homes.  He promised the next guy he'd give me time to at least check on references and former employers.

A week later, Bob showed up. Former Navy, older than I was, and with about 10% more tech knowledge than I have.  Nice guy, showed up for work every day, and did what he was told. But NOT a quick learner, took more of Tech #1's time for everything.  However, a solid dude.  (I looked at his resume after the fact and wondered why Boss considered him a "tech.")

Anyway, after three months, Bob hadn't become the salesperson Boss wanted him to be. That was a shock to everyone, because no one else in the office, including Bob, knew he'd been hired to be a salesperson. So when Boss wasn't yelling at me, he was yelling at Bob.

Back to the day after Thanksgiving.  I'm told to tell Bob to go home.  Well, when Bob showed up, it was clear that Boss had already sent him a text. 

And then there were several unpleasant phone calls, all on speaker phone (because Bob's hearing wasn't great) and all loud (because Bob is a loud person and Boss yells a lot).  Tech #1 and I sat at our desks and listened to the fallout.  Bob packed up his desk, gave us the key and walked out.

He said he was fired. Boss said he quit.  I had to deal with the Unemployment paperwork battle between them.

That's when I started going on interviews.

Remember, I do have a job waiting in the wings, but no word from new boss, so I accepted a job in the workman's comp industry, the same industry I had hoped to retire in. I went in interviewing for one job, and came out with an offer for another.  

I'll be sorting medical documents.  No phones. No customers.  NO SUPER SECRET SALES DUTIES.  For the first time since...oh...1993, I won't have a job involving a forced smile and cheerful phone manner.

I cannot wait.

Anyway, so last week I gave my two week notice.  

It's such a small company, I thought about giving longer notice. And then I remember the number of times Boss invited me to be fired or quit.  Well, two weeks he gets. At Christmas.  

Yesterday, Tech #1 suggested I send Boss a list of things I do. Now, Boss is the guy who hasn't been in the office since I gave my notice last week, and only talked to me one time, telling me to pick up Christmas cards for him to put our Christmas money in. (Yep, I had to buy my own Christmas bonus holder.  And he didn't ask me for a receipt.  Just like I dropped $70 on wall hangings to make the office look less like a prison...) 

So I made the list.  For someone not worth the money they're being paid, I sure do a lot when you put it on paper.  And hey, most of it is things like, paying bills, running payroll, making bank deposits. You know, all that stuff that keeps the doors open.  

I sent that list to him. Boss did pop into the office at the end of the day.  He skittered to his office, put some cash in our cards, and handed me the cards. Didn't even sign them. So I can reuse them.  He thanked me for the list, but didn't answer any of the questions I had regarding training the young lass (the one person I hired in the midst of his series of bad hires. I'm 1-1 he's 0-3.) in what I do so Boss doesn't lose his healthcare or gets overdrawn on his accounts.

What he did do was bitch about the state of healthcare in the US because he has to go into the doctor's office each week for allergy shots, and then gripe about being sick. And then he coughed on me.

I have two more days left. I start the new gig on January 2.  I will probably have to go back to the old office at some point to 1) drop off my key because no one else will be in the office on my last day to take it and 2) run payroll so I get my last check.

So there's that.

On this day in History: How did you not fall down more before you hired me?

Friends, six years ago today I had completed my first week at what I would later call (lovingly...) Stuff, Installed.  These were my notes from my first day, as I posted them on July 19, 2011. Those of you who work of have worked at Stuff, Installed, I hope you see the humor!

Hello all!

So I've now been at the new gig 7 days, and I have to ask this question:

HOW DO I KEEP FALLING INTO THESE MESSES?

Let's just recap what's happened in my first 7 weekdays:

Monday:  First day...was handed a large file of paper and told to schedule plumbing inspections.  Was not told what, exactly, was being inspected, or where the phone numbers for the plumbing inspectors were.  Also, was held responsible for the fact that one of the municipalities had raised their permit fees and therefore permit requests were being returned...slowly.

Tuesday:  Was offered sort of a promotion...since a position just opened up.  No talk of money, but was sent immediately to another desk where the disgruntled employee who was leaving was to train me.

Wednesday:  Learning far more about the New Bossman than I really wanted to.  And not all that jazzed about it.  NBM leaves empty cereal bowl on my desk after he eats his breakfast.  Figuring, since the bowl is sitting next to the plaque that says, "Director of first impressions"  I probably shouldn't have a crusty, milky cereal bowl on my desk, I take it and wash it.  Rest of the office folk scold me for failing the "bowl test."

Thursday:  Really starting to wish people would remember that I have been here four days, not four years.  Find out more interesting info on the Boss...and am starting to think I work in a daycare center, given how much tattling there is in the form of furtive phone calls to Human Resources.  Starting to feel that same heavy feeling when I come home from work.  Oh, and though the new position is triple the responsibility, NBM informs me that my raise will be $1.50 and hour from my previous agreement.  Not sure it's worth it.

Friday:  Can't take the pressure of the hurried training any more.  I can probably do the job, but between NBM's constant pressure to know everything NOW and the rest of the office telling me how awful he is and how hard the job is, I've decided NOT to take the offer.  NBM did not take it well.  Informs me that he knows EVERY ASPECT of the position and that the woman doing the job is simply slacking because she likes to create tension.  Having sat next to this woman for four solid days, I have my doubts...but I don't care.  My soul is worth more than $1.50 an hour...I think.  I feel remarkable happy again, in spite of the fact that NBM, in a hissy fit, drops another file of paper on my desk and says, "Fine, then do this."  Again, no explanation about what I'm supposed to actually do with it...so I sort the papers into a nice alphabetical order and put them in my desk.

Friday PM:  After long talks with NBM, the other woman decides to leave a week early and never return.  She spends an hour on the phone with HR, and then walks out.  She does leave her keys with the other lady in the office (the one who shrieks and cries when she can't figure out something on the computer...which is pretty much every half hour), as well as a note for NBM.

Monday:  Did I mention that the lady who got the note and the keys doesn't come in until 11 AM?  When I arrive at 8 AM, the office is in chaos...and suddenly I am the answer lady.  Turns out, NBM knows NOTHING about the position in question and between him and the production manager, they haven't a clue how to carry out the most basic tasks in the company.  At least the production manager says please and thank you when I am able to help them out.

Yes, I've been here less than 6 days.

Oh, the office is relocating, and no one seems to know exactly which day we're supposed to show up at the new location.  I ask this question and it turns out that today, Tuesday, I'll be at the old location one more day. Which is funny, since I happen to know that the phones are being switched to the new location today.  NBM also informs me that I'm responsible for packing up and moving my office computer.  Really?  I wasn't aware that I was covered under the insurance policy for broken stuff.

Also, while there are 7 company cars and vans in the parking lot, apparently not a single one of them is stocked with a pair of jumper cables.  While we in Wisconsin don't worry about dead batteries so much in the summer, jumper cables are something most of us carry in our cars.  However, when I return from my lunch break, sales guy asks if I have jumper cables because his company car is dead.  I do...but seriously?  How did these people manage to stay upright without me?

Bigger question...how do I keep falling into these situations?  Is all of corporate America simply this comical?  Am I being filmed?  Is that Rick Gervaise behind the shop door?  Am I on The Office?

My company picture.  The only on
missing is the woman who weeps
when the computer make her mad.

Finally, today.  As I expected, the phone guy showed up at 8 AM just as it had been mentioned about the office for at least...7 days.  Guess who was COMPLETELY SHOCKED by the news that we were not going to have any phones available to us all day?  If you said New Boss Man, you'd be right.

But the bigger funny, the one that made me run to the bathroom for a private guffaw.  The production manager, you know, the one not allowed to schedule production appointments, was not quite understanding why he couldn't fax something.  The following is a real life conversation between the two men who are now giving me orders:

PM:  I can't fax anything.  I'll bet that's because the phones are out.

NBM:  Why can't you fax anything?

PM:  The phones are disconnected.

NBM:  Why wouldn't you be able to fax anything?

PM:  Isn't the fax line connected to the phones?

NBM:  Oh, that's right.  So....what you're saying is that we can't fax anything?

PM:  I guess not.

I mystified them all by answering a phone call in the middle of this meeting of the brain trust.  Apparently, the phones hadn't quite been turned off.  Here is that conversation:

NBM:  Did you just take a phone call?

NGS  (New Girl Sarah):  Yes.  From one of the sales guys.

NBM:  How did you do that?

NGS (fighting the urge to reply in a smart alecky way):  I guess the phone isn't completely disconnected yet.

Phone Guy (who is about ready to shoot someone in the face):  Okay, all your phones are disconnected.

NBM:  They can't be...she just took a call.

Phone Guy:  Right...and then I disconnected the lines.

NBM:  Then how could she take the call.

NGS:  Excuse me...I'm just going to run to the ladies' room.

It's a real place...and I work there now.  God help us all.

So now we are in our new location.  It's a lovely big top with lots of music and clowns running around.  Me...I'm the bearded fat lady in the corner, taking notes and writing my next novel