5 for Friday: I was going to write something nice...but then I went to the grocery store.

 

Happy Holidays and welcome to December 15.  That's right. You have 9 legitimate shopping days (and one day to pick up stuff at Kwik Trip) for Christmas.  If you're ordering from anywhere other than Amazon, don't bother, it won't get here in time.  Wrap a picture of it and put that under the tree. If you're ordering from Amazon, you MIGHT get it in time...but you should probably pay for the super-premium shipping just to be safe.

Your best hope at this point is to shop old school. Get in your car and drive someplace. (If you haven't seen the latest "5 Below" ad for their store, that's what I imagine people doing right now.)  

Me?  Oh, I started shopping in June. I have a chart that I keep for exactly what got everyone last year, what I got them this year. I make sure people have the same number of gifts under the tree, befitting their relationship to me.  Skippy and Peaches have the same number as Hubby.  Children's partners have the same number as each other. Nieces and nephews have the same number of gifts as each other.  I even have a box of "just in case" gifts wrapped and ready to go in case someone I'm not aware of shows up on my doorstep Christmas morning.

Don't be jealous.  I haven't baked a thing. I've got premade cookie dough out on the counter waiting for me to do something, anything with it. I doubt I'll do anything.  I've already informed Hubby there will be no homemade Kringle this year.  Also, I'm thinking Christmas Eve dinner is going to be Pizza.  Frozen Pizza. Christmas cards are probably going to be Epiphany Cards, which we'll then push to Easter and then decide nothing's really gone on that much that people need a card from us. 

So yeah.  I'm still the same old mess you all know and love.

Now today I was going to write a nice 5 for Friday about 5 holiday songs you don't have on your holiday playlist, but you should.  It was going to be a very nice little blog that was going to put you all in the right mood to get you to Christmas morning.

And then I went to the grocery store.  My dad is sick so I offered to pick up a few things for my mom, so they won't have to go out in the snowy slushy mess that's happening in our weather right now.

And now we have a different 5 for Friday.  It's FIVE THINGS THAT PISSED ME OFF AT THE GROCERY STORE THIS MORNING!

Ready?

5)  DON'T YOU PEOPLE HAVE JOBS OR SCHOOL?

Seriously. 9:30 on a Friday morning. Even allowing for the senior citizens (isn't Wednesday supposed to be the day we let the oldsters out to shop?  What are they doing blocking my way on a Friday?) and the shopper people shopping for people who don't want to shop, there were a TON of job aged people dragging school aged children.

Yes, when my kids were small I took them and the kids I babysat to the store. Sure I did.  It was an outing.  I taught the kids how to make a shopping list, how to navigate the aisles in a store, and when to use a coupon and when it doesn't pay.  (Not that any of those kids remember those lessons, but whatever.) That said, NOW if I'm in the supermarket on a weekday morning it's because 1) I'm in the middle of a cooking/baking project and realized I need one weird ingredient and I need it NOW or 2) I'm picking up a few things and I have a busy day so I need to MOVE.

And yet, I'm trapped behind a family of FIVE kids and every single one of them is shouting about some sugary snack or whatever and the parents, who clearly would rather be at their jobs, are ignoring the children and arguing with each other about which can of yams is a better value.  (Here's a hint: NO ONE IS GOING TO LIKE THE CANNED YAMS. Stop buying them. The stores will stop trying to sell them and then they can use that shelf space for something better, like cookies.)

4) Could we PLEASE go back to stocking at night?

Oh, my lord.  I know that Covid changed the landscape of retail grocery stores forever.  I realize we'll probably never have our pick of 24-hour supermarkets to shop at ever again.  But...for the love of all that's holy, could we PLEASE at least have the stockers go back to working when the store is closed?

When stores were opened 24 hours a day, I was okay with having to weave around flatbeds of boxed goods at 11 at night.  There weren't a lot of other shoppers to contend with, so it was okay.  But now, now I'm fighting traffic with shoppers AND stockers. It's like the opening five minutes of "Office Space" where the office employees are stuck in traffic.  

Oh, and here's a rule:  If it's something I need...either a giant pile of boxes will be in front of it, or a couple grannies in those motorized carts will be double parked in front of it.  

3)  If I hear that joke one more time...

We've all been there:  We're rolling down the big aisle of the grocery store and some jackwagon pops out from a crossing aisle and you very nearly crash and one of you says, "Oh they should put traffic lights up here." Ha ha.

To quote a wise saying from my youth, "Gag me with a spoon."

Repeating that stupid joke does not clear you of stupid cart driving.  If you're crossing the main aisle, slow the bleep down and look!  Don't just shove your 300-pound cart (with your fourth grader riding on the rack underneath, even though the signs on the cart say, "Don't put a child in the bottom rack.") out into traffic and then act all shocked when someone nearly sideswipes you. Hey, if your fourth grader loses his fingers in an accident like that, you're probably not going to find the joke funny. Or maybe you're a terrible parent (which one could surmise, given you're letting the kid ride under the cart) and you still think the joke is funny.  

My point is, WATCH WHERE YOU ARE GOING.  And if you're a slower shopper, MOVE OVER for those of us who have an organized list and know what we're doing. 

Also, if you're comparison shopping, and that's fine, how about if you DON'T angle park your cart so it takes up the entire aisle.  I'm not in the store to make chitchat.  Asking you to please move so I can get by might just use up every spoon I have and then I won't have the energy to make dinner for my family and they'll wind up ordering pizza which will raise their blood pressure and blood sugars and make them fat.  DO YOU WANT THAT ON YOUR CONSCIENCE?  NO?  Then move your cart OVER if you're slow shopping.

2)  I bet you train your employees, right?  Then why do you assume we all know how to do this?

Self-checking.  I've been against it from the start.  First of all, stores spend time training their employees on how to be cashiers. I remember. I worked for Aldi for a brief time. The training was intense. So I make a point to use those highly trained employees whenever I can.

But somedays the line for a cashier at Woodman's is ten deep.  Sure, they have like fifteen cash registers, but only two lines are open.  The other fifteen checkout stands are self-check.  Sometimes I don't have the time or patience for it, or I've made the mistake of wearing my coat into the store and now I'm melting because the store's thermostat is set to "SUN" and I'm already a warm person (thank you, Menopause).  So I wind up in self-check.

Like I said, I've worked as a grocery cashier, but not everyone has.  Case in point, the two women in front of me at Woodman's today.

Woman 1:  A TON of stuff in her cart and she was picking things out in a particular order.

Woman 2:  Less stuff in her cart, but she couldn't find a UPC code to save her life.

I got behind woman 2.  And I struck up a conversation with the guy who got behind woman 1.  

Woman 1 got her groceries scanned first.  Annoying.  Woman 2 had to flag down the ONE cashier in charge of the SEA OF CHECKOUTS because she got herself a big old bag of rotten bananas for 99 cents, but there was no UPC code on the bag. (I know this because believe you me, she checked every side of the bag and half the bananas in it.) I don't know what she thought she was doing, but apparently WAVING HER CREDIT CARD in the air without saying anything out loud was the move she hoped would attract the cashier's attention.

Did it?

Would I be blogging if it had?

She finally murmured something like, "Excuse me?"

I was melting, I was annoyed, and I was watching my new bestie scan his cart and leave the store and I hadn't' moved an inch.  So, I yelled, "EXCUSE ME!" in my best teacher voice the same time little Miss Timid murmured.  She looked shocked. Not because I was yelling, but because she honestly believed that sound came out of her.

The cashier came over, scanned the bananas and that should have been the end of it, right?

Nope. Now it was time to stick said credit card into the machine to PAY for the groceries. Little Miss Timid, and I'm not even kidding, took a deep breath and slapped her hands against her thighs like a gymnast gearing up to mount he uneven parallel bars.  

Spoiler alert, I give her payment routine a 4.2.  She got the card into the payment machine, but it took her a couple tries to get the right PIN.

1) If you're going to make us use self-check, how about if you make sure ALL THE SELF-CHECK LINES WORK?

Every single store I go to has self-check now. And in every single one of those stores, no less than 30% of the self-check machines (and it's usually closer to 50%)  are OUT OF ORDER. How is this EVEN POSSIBLE???????????  HOW??????????  

Had all the self-check lines at the grocery been operating this morning, there would have been no blog. I wouldn't have gotten stuck behind Little Miss Timid.  My buddy would have been behind me, not behind Woman 2, who while she scanned faster than woman 1, bagged her groceries like she was playing Tetris and if she didn't get every bag perfectly packaged someone would skin the child she had riding on the bottom of the cart. 

Instead, half the checkouts don't work.  I get they can't find people who want to work as cashiers.  It's not a great job.  The hours blow, it's not a great paying gig, you're on your feet the whole time, standing on concrete, and you have to deal with just the worst people on earth:  The check writers who don't bring ID.  The people who HAVE TO PAY with EXACT CHANGE. Or, you know, me.  

What was my point? Oh right.

Anyway, I get that stores are having a tough time getting cashiers. But you can't even get your self-check machines to work for you?  GIVE ME A BREAK!

So there you go.  I meant to write a nice blog, but then this happened.

Oh, and the five songs you should have on your holiday playlist, but probably don't?

5) Selah Light of the Stable

4) Rick Springfield  Christmas with You

3) Mike Westendorf Nativity Song

2) Ana Gasteyer Sugar and Booze

1) Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings Big Bulbs

That's One Way to Get my Steps in!

 

Good day to all of you out there!

To those of you who celebrate Christmas:  Merry Christmas and get shopping! LOL

To those of you who celebrate Hanukkah: Happy Hanukkah!

To those of you who celebrate something else: Happy Holidays and the Best Season's Greetings!

Okay, so this year for my birthday I got a gift card to Kohls from my dear mother-in-law. She's been very supportive through my weight loss journey (down 27 pounds since May, thank you #Noom!  And now, I'm not on Dr. Now's diet because, well, I like food! LOL)

Anyway, she got me the gift card because she wanted me to get some new clothes for my new size, which I did. I found a really nifty pair of smaller sized jeans.  But, since it's Kohl's, they were on clearance plus I had a coupon plus there was another discount which meant I had money on the GC for something else.

I'm really not in need of anything that much, but I figured a new purse would be nice. I've been using the same two purses for years. One I got at St. Vincent de Paul and it's big and bulky and heavy. The other one is a touch too small for everything I need to carry around, plus it's getting old too.

So, I bought a purse. A nice, stylish, moderately large purse.  And then I put my stuff in it.

And now it weighs about fifty pounds.

Don't believe me, ask my friend, Buttercup!  She hefted it recently while we were waiting in line to get our CDs signed by everyone at the Bob and Brian Show.  (It's something we do every year. Not sure what it is, or who Bob and Brian are?  Click on the link or read past posts on this blog!  LOL)   

Anyway, so, what I'm saying is, my purse is heavy.

 I've emptied that thing half a dozen times, trimmed down what's in it, and it still weighs a ton.  And I've only had it a few weeks.

Well, I like it, so I'll live with it. 

Or that's what I thought...until yesterday.  

See, I have this really organized wallet. It's pink, it's cute, it holds all my cards and whatever stray cash I might actually have and then it's in the purse all nice and ready to go.

The problem, as it usually is, is with me. When I use a card at a store, I rarely, if ever, put it back in the wallet.  Half the time I put the card in a little open side pocket that's really there to hold a phone or gum or maybe a packet of tissues.  NOT a tiny little credit/debit card.  Half the time I just drop it in the purse, which, as we've established, is large and full of mystery stuff.

So yesterday I was returning from a trip to the grocery store, and it doesn't really matter which one, where I used my debit card.  I also used the self-check which is kind of a high stress situation for me.  I don't respond well to machines, I tend to yell at them. If my phone rings, I yell at it.  If my alarm clock on my phone goes off, I mentally yell at it.  I talk to my car all the time.  Most of the time, if Hubby or one of the kids isn't sure whom I'm yelling at, I'll say I'm talking to the cats. In reality, I'm probably yelling at a machine.

So it is with self-check.  That creepy automated voice makes me angry.  And that's what happened yesterday. I bought three things, all of which were tiny and light weight. I scanned them and put them in the bagging area.

And Creepy Automated Voice (CAV) said, "Put item in bagging area."

"I did put the item in the bagging area."

CAV:  Put item in the bagging area.

Sarah: I DID PUT THE ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.

CAV: Put item in the bagging area.

Sarah (picking up the item and slamming it on the bagging area: THERE NOW IT'S IN THE BAGGING AREA YOU #%#%&.  

This conversation continued for all three items.

By the time I was done, I was sweating, angry, and quite possibly banned from the grocery store.  (On a side note, I should mention that with the influx of self-check machines in stores there's also been an influx of "out of order" signs for self-check machines. something to think about.)

What this means is that my debit card was simply dumped into the pit of despair...I mean, my purse.

When I got home, I opened the car door and grabbed my purse, which was on the passenger seat next to me.  (I know, I know.  I'm not supposed to put it there because robbers and whatnot.)  In grabbing the strap, the purse itself, which was unzipped and open, caught on the parking brake bar and upended, dumping untold items of varying sizes and weights in the tiny space between the seats and the parking brake.

Sigh.

I gathered up what I could and stuffed it back into my purse and then went about the rest of my day.

That's not the end of the story.

Of course it isn't.

Later in the day I had to go to my first physical therapy session. Yes, this is for treatment on the knee I injured back in SEPTEMBER when I fell at Sam's Club. And yes, I know it's December.  I thought it would get better by itself. Then it didn't. Then it was NANOWRIMO. Then we had Covid in the House. Then it was Thanksgiving. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

Anyway...

Before heading out to the therapy place (and believe me, there will be blogs about that) I figured I should make sure I had everything I needed. Bottle of water. Mask.  Debit card just in case there was some weird charge I didn't know about.

Debit card.   Hmmmmmm....where is that?  Not in my wallet. Not in the purse.  Not in my pants pocket.  I head outside to double check the car. I look under the seats. Nope. I look around the floor mats. Nope.  I look under the seats again.

I go back in the house. I check all the usual place where I drop stuff: my desk. The kitchen counter.  The end table on my end of the couch. The bathroom magazine basket.  (Shut up. It's where I find my phone half the time.)

Oh yeah, I'm racking up the steps!  

I then check the car again.  I check the kitchen again. I look in all the pockets of my new purse AGAIN.  Nothing.

I'm about to call my back when I decide to check the wallet one more time. And there...tucked nicely in its normal spot, right behind the Kwik Trip card...my debit card.

                                                                                                            

Good "old" self check: Why I won't be shopping at Woodman's again.

Happy Thursday all!

Since Peaches moved out I really don't have a reason to get my girth out of bed much before 7:30, which is about when I need to run a brush over my teeth and get into my desk chair for work.  Generally, however, I do get up a shade before 7, get a walk in, feed the cats, make coffee, that sort of thing.

I accomplish more before 8 AM than I do the entire rest of the day.  Wait...that didn't sound right.

Anyway, this morning, I decided to get up at 6, and get some light grocery shopping done.  Now, we have two 24 hour stores the same distance from my house. One is Meijer, one is Woodman's.  Product by product, price by price, I like Woodman's more.  They have more local brands that I really like. They have the flavor of Yoplait yogurt that Skippy really likes.  The thing is, I always feel a little claustrophobic in Woodman's because they are always more crowded, they have a lower ceiling, which makes them feel smaller.  Also, Meijer has a better meat and produce department.

So the biggest deciding factor for where I go and spend my grocery dollar tends to rest on the check out experience.

When it comes to check out, I like Woodman's more, as well, because they unload the cart, scan stuff, and load the cart again.  Given the constant pain I have in my hands and back, any help I can get with the groceries is appreciated.

The thing is, Woodman's NEVER has enough cashiers, which means standing in line forever, which, if you have read this blog for longer than a week, you know standing in line is not my favorite thing to do.  (Self check is NOT an option.  It's too hard on my hands and back.)  So if I shop at Woodman's it's either because Hubby is with me or because it's a weird time of day when the sto
re won't be mobbed.

Self check? You ask. Do I use self check?  NO!  Not if I can help it.  Unless they're handing discounts out for using a machine that gives you no customer service and yells at you for mystery items in the bagging area.

And, of course, I have trouble handling self check because it's never just SELF. Something always goes wrong, then I have to WAIT for a person to help me.  Add that to the sweat I build up (which triggers hot flashes) loading and unloading groceries and scanning them and bagging them and what you wind up with is a giant sweaty woman aching hands and back, swearing never to return to self check again. 

So today I arrived at the 47 check out lanes at the front of my Woodman's store.  It was 6:50 AM.  This is notable because, as I learned THIS MORNING, there are no live cashiers before 7 AM.  Oh sure, there's a big sign that says there's a full service lane....but there's no one in it. Which means self check.  So I hauled my cart down to self check...where there was a back up!  WHO ELSE IS SHOPPING BEFORE 7 IN THE MORNING ON A THURSDAY?

Apparently everyone.  Well, okay, four people which was just enough to bog down the self check system and make me wait in line.  TO CHECK OUT MY OWN GROCERIES.

Also, the people checking out their groceries at self check were all having, let's say, difficulty.  I actually waited four or five minutes before giving up and moving down to the regular lanes.  Better to wait for someone to open up a cash register than to watch people separately and in oh so many different way bog down the check out process.

I waited the six minutes (actually more like eight) it took for a cashier and bagger to walk over to an actual check out lane and open up. I then got my cart in there and let them do their work. It was early, so I expect little polite chit chat and I got what I expected.  But since I'd bought enough items for the silence to be uncomfortable, I thought I'd just kick things off a little.

"So I figured I'd wait for you to open up. I can't really do self check on my own," I said with a smile on my face.

"Oh then you're not going to like the news," muttered the cashier.

"Yeah, they're tearing out all of these lanes and putting in all self check," added the bagger, a sort of emo-hipster girl who could not have been more than thirteen.  (Also, she was clearly being trained by the cashier who was clearly exhausted with the training.)

"All?"  I gasp.

"Well, like, half of them.  That's what Gary decided," said the cashier.  "I wish I could decide stuff."

Granted, they never have more than half the check out lanes open at any given time. In fact, if Woodman's would open half the lanes, I would probably not have to stand in line there and I'd shop there more often.

Still, this was really disconcerting news.

"I'm not sure I like that. I have arthritis. It's hard for me to use the self check," I said in a conversational manner.  "Is this a matter of a labor shortage?"  (Woodman's is CONSTANTLY looking for cashiers. I figured maybe they just gave up looking.)

"No, this is a keeping things moving thing," grumbled the cashier.  "Other stores have all these self check lanes and it seems to be working."

You know what else would work?  Adding literally one, just one, more cashier to every shift.  Seriously.

"Wow. That's really disappointing that they are going that route," I say.

"Yeah, a lot of the old people aren't going to like it.," mumbles the emo-hipster bagger. 

Let's let that sink in for a moment.

Tiny blonde sad teen girl who is training on the job...did she just call me old?   Did she just lump me in with the OLD PEOPLE who can't operate self check, not because their hands are crippled with arthritis, but because they are confused by technology?  Did she just add me to the group of patrons who will be unhappy with this change not because it means, yet again, fewer services for the same amount of money, but because I'm too old to do things for myself?

I AM NOT OLD!  I was shopping before 7 in the morning! Old people don't shop then...well except for that one guy who was really bogging down self check this morning.  You know where old people are at 7 in the morning?  They are at DENNY'S. They are not grocery shopping.

I tried to reign in my rage.  "Well, I'm glad you're still going to have some real check out lanes.  I like having the extra help."

"Yeah, well, this wasn't my decision," said the very weary cashier.  "And a lot of old people are going to really not like this."

AGAIN WITH THE OLD!  First of all, aren't those OLD PEOPLE, also your customers?

Second...I combed my hair, I brushed my teeth, I put on eyeliner and a cool radio station T-shirt. I AM NOT OLD. I protect the use of self check because I don't like self check, and if it's not a matter of labor shortage, then why should I have to check out my groceries and scan them and bag them and load them in my cart?  

They don't make me do all that at Meijer.  

They also don't call me "Old" at Meijer.  

Just sayin'.