Happy Memorial Day to all my American friends! Let's remember those who gave their lives so that we can have a day in May to relax and grill meats of all kinds.
Okay, so last week I was tasked with picking up a tray of grocery story sushi on my way home from work. We were going to a gathering at a friend's home and needed to bring something. Since I'm supposed to be dairy free, I find that gatherings like these with their cheese and sausage trays and buckets of delectable dairy dips problematic. So, hubby and I have a couple non-dairy treats we bring so I can eat without guilt or dying.
And one of those things is what Americans have come to know as grocery store sushi.
Cool, satisfying, and impressive, it's a perfect thing for any gathering. People who bring sushi to gatherings here in Wisconsin are thought of as exotic and adventurous. Believe me, I'd rather be eating the crap out of that asiago cheese dip in the crock pot, but after reading that my particular dairy intolerance goes beyond the unpleasant gassiness right to death, I guess I'll be exotic.
Anyway, so I drive past our local Sam's Club on my way home from work. Sam's has a great sushi party platter, so it's kind of a no brainer that I stop and grab that before getting home.
When I stepped outside of my building, it started to rain. Not the kind of gentle summer rain that smells good and cools the skin...nay nay.
No this was a winter into spring rain, angry, cold, hard like nails. And I, of course, forgot my rain-coat. Dressed in a T-shirt and slacks, I had no protection against this deluge so I was soaked by the time I got into the Mighty Cube. I wasn't dried off in the short drive to Sam's, and the rain hadn't let up a bit, so when I got into the AIR CONDITIONED STORE I was wet and cold.
As a side note...a few months ago I crossed that magic one year line (women of a certain age will know what I'm talking about) and since then my hot flashes have tapered off enough that on a growing number of situations I feel cold.
Now I'm in the store, freezing, wet, and eager to get my sushi and get out.
If you've ever been to a Sam's or a Costco or really any store, you know there's no thing as getting one thing and getting out of a store. I'm kind of an all or nothing sort of gal. I'll get into a store and think of no less that ten things I absolutely need once I'm in the building. This was quite true last week. As the automatic doors slid shut behind me, I suddenly thought of any number of things I needed. Fruit, bread, laundry detergent...all of it. To my credit, I still remembered to grab the sushi. On more than one occasion, I've been known to pick up a dozen things and not the item I went into the store for.
I got my items, checked out at self check, and headed to the door. The guy at the door, the last bastion of security at Sam's, scanned a couple items in my cart and waved me off. As I approached the doors he looked outside and said, Oh no.
Oh no, indeed.
The hard rain had turned into...something more, if one can believe that.
I hesitated at the door. The guy said, "Hey, Ma'am?"
Oh, yeah, I guess he's talking to me. I forget that to anyone under the age of forty I look old. I turn to look at him, and he's holding a box. He says, "I don't know how you feel about it, but some people put these on their heads to keep the rain off."
Faithful readers of this blog know that my life has been one long attempt...and fail...to be cool. I knew I would look ridiculous with that box that formerly held Tide laundry pods. Maybe NFL star Rob Gronkowski can get away with wearing a Tide pod box on his head, but I cannot. For once in my life I was not going to chose the ridiculous option.
And thusly I went out into the ferocious rain, headed to the spot where I'd parked the Mighty Cube.
And everything turned out great.
Yeah, this wouldn't be a blog if it had.
That's when I realized that I didn't remember where I'd parked the Cube. I knew I'd tried to park close to the door, but as anyone will tell you, the spaces by the doors are always, always, always full. Generally I park pretty far away, but always in the same general area so I don't get lost in the parking lot.
Kind of like I did in the middle of a Noah-and the Ark kind of rain.
I walked up an aisle, pushing a heavy cart loaded down with groceries. I walked down an aisle, and the cart got heavier. My clothes stuck to my shivering skin. I wept, and my tears were lost in the wind and the scouring drops of sleety precipitation. I screamed to the sky, "I JUST WANT TO GET THE SUSHI AND GET INTO MY CAR!
And yes, I considered going back into the store and trying again from that starting point. But I didn't. Instead, I kept wandering, my hands frozen to the cart handle. I couldn't keep my eyes open because the wind was stinging. So there I was, a blind, soaked, old lady with a cart full of food, just wandering up and down the parking aisles. Granted, I probably was out there maybe five minutes, but it felt like an eon. I felt like one of those Artic or Antarctic explorers. I was freakin' Ernest Shackleton on my way to Elephant Island.
I'd never been so glad to see anything in my life. With trembling hands I unlocked the back door, stowed my groceries, parked the cart and got into the driver's seat. I pushed the heater to FULL and sat for a moment, shivering, crying, and oh so thankful I hadn't put a box on my head because no matter how stupid I felt in that moment, I knew a box on my head would have made me look even more stupid.
All in all, it was a big step in my goal to becoming cool.
