Well, my friends, it's that time of year again: the time when people sit around a table and bicker and argue all while stuffing their faces full of food and cookies.
I'm not talking about Christmas dinner with the extended family.
Nope, I'm talking about the eternal debate that rages every year about this time as to what is and what is NOT a Christmas Movie.
I'm not talking about the Hallmark channel here. That's a Christmas movie industry unto itself and if you're into it, that's great. I'm not going to lie, I've been sucked into that vortex of holiday sweetness myself.
No, what I'm addressing here are the HOLIDAY MOVIES, the movies that have actual starts and plots that are something other than "a female small business owner/career type is too busy/too poor to love. Along comes the handsome handyman/ne'er-do-well/fellow business owner who helps the woman save her business/learn to take a break OR saves her child/dog/mother/horse from certain death and then everyone sings many Christmas carols while someone decorates a perfectly lit tree."
This is a debate that stirs up a lot of shouting at my house, and I hope it does in yours, too.
First of all, what IS a Christmas movie?
Well, it has to be set at Christmas time.
It has to involve Christmas décor of some kind.
It has to involve the buying and/or exchanging of gifts.
Someone, somewhere, has to wear red and/or green or both.
These are the tiniest, tiniest, bare minimum of requirements. And because the list is so simple, the following movies fit in:
Die Hard 1 and 2
Iron Man 2
Home for the Holidays.
Diner
Now, before you go rearranging your DVD/blu ray collection, hear me out: as a PROFESSIONAL MOVIE CRITIC (I've made some money from selling my movie review books so yes, it counts) I do NOT consider Iron Man 2 or Home for the Holidays Christmas movies. Iron Man 2 literally has a Christmas tree in Tony Stark's house and that's it. Home for the Holidays is a Thanksgiving movie, with a nominal mention of Christmas, but it is NOT a Christmas movie. So no, these movies do NOT need to go on your Christmas shelf.
The Die Hard movies fit because there's holiday décor, holiday parties, holiday travel, gifts, music, and, in the case of Die Hard 2, SNOW. So let's just put all that to rest. Put Die Hard 1 and 2 on your Christmas shelf.
Diner fits because, again, the timeline is set around Christmas and there are decorations all over the set. That said, the focus of the movie, time wise is on a New Year's Eve wedding. So I file Diner in my Christmas movies, but if you don't, don't sweat it. That one can go either way.
There are movies that are NO DOUBT HARDCORE Christmas movies and they are REQUIRED VIEWING every year:
Elf, Miracle on 34th St., White Christmas, A Christmas Story, National Lampoons Christmas Vacation, Love Actually, Christmas with the Kranks, all the Home Alone movies (but why are you watching any of them other than 1 and 2?) all the Santa Clause flicks with Tim Allen and any incarnation of A Christmas Carol. All of these films are Christmas centric, with various Christmas themes and experiences related good or bad. The funniest, cheeriest is Elf, the darkest is definitely the George C. Scott version of "A Christmas Carol." (The ghost of Christmas Future FREAKS ME OUT!)
(Also, a movie that is a Christmas film but is NOT on my list for the freak out factor: Polar Express. The animation in that movie is creepy. Just...creepy.)
There are those of you who are going to debate "Love Actually" on that list. Peaches and Skippy yell at me every time I turn it on, which is roughly 57 times between Thanksgiving and New Years. My children both maintain, loudly, that not only is Love, Actually NOT a Christmas movie, it's a very terrible movie! My friend Joellen spent a big part of yesterday telling me the same thing...that it's not an appropriate Christmas movie. I disagree. (Not with the appropriateness of the movie, the unedited version is NOT for kids.) Love, Actually is not only a Christmas movie it is, quite possibly, the BEST Christmas movie EVER MADE. I don't generally enjoy the multi-story-mega-cast holiday films (Valentine's Day...New Year's Eve...) but this one has so many AWWWWWWWWWW moments, it's totally worth it. It's sweet, it's funny, and there's Christmas in every single shot. Love at the holidays is weird and stressful, and every age group and every stage of a relationship is captured in this most Christmasy of Christmas movies.
Now, here's where I get into serious trouble.
The following movies are considered to be Christmas movies, BUT THEY ARE NOT.
It's a Wonderful Life
Holiday Inn
Nightmare Before Christmas
Holiday Inn doesn't make the cut because yes, while there is Christmas in it, so are all the other holidays. It's a holiday movie that's perfectly fine for the 4th of July, Valentine's Day, and Thanksgiving. Don't believe me? Watch it sometime. It's silly with holidays.
And now we turn to my annual rant about that most horrible of movies, that thing everyone has been brainwashed into loving for reasons I cannot comprehend, that total and complete DOWNER of a film, "It's A Wonderful Life."
This is my father's favorite film, which is weird because he doesn't generally love movies and also he's a really intelligent guy.
The first part of my rant is that this is not a Christmas movie. That annoying kid banging Jingle bells on the piano and the singing at the end aside, this movie has nothing to do with Christmas. It's the story about a guy who thinks his life blows chunks because he never got to live his dream of leaving his hometown. Like...ever. Then he tries to kill himself and some dude in long underwear informs him that if he was never born, everyone close to him will live lives that really do blow chunks so he'd better get out of his pity party, buck up, and live (and maybe take a vacation for even day. Geez, I mean, self centered much? Really, the town can't do without you for a week?) But my point is, this is not a Christmas movie and just because they sing a Christmas carol at the end and some super homely kid squawks about angels and bells, that doesn't make it a Christmas movie.
Now we get to the meat of this blog. The real reason I decided to write a blog about Christmas movies is because I'm tired of people telling me how inappropriate "Love Actually" is and yet how wonderful and wholesome "It's a Wonderful Life" is.
Love Actually vs. It's a Wonderful Life
I will concede the nudity point. There is no nudity in It's a Wonderful Life and there is in Love, Actually.
But let's get down to it, shall we?
Nudity aside, (and the edited for television version has no nudity at all) Love Actually is a movie about hope. The young man hopes he can find love in the US. A young woman hopes the prime minister knows she loves him. A young boy hopes if he learns to play the drums the girl he loves will notice him. A widower hopes to find love again. A divorced man hopes the learn to speak the language of a new love. And a married woman hopes her husband realizes that having an affair is stupid before he actually has one. A young art dealer watches his best friend marry the woman he loves, and hopes that maybe some day he'll find someone just as good. A couple lonely actors hope to find a mental and emotional connection with each other. And aging rock star hopes for one more shot at glory. An office worker hopes the office hot guy will notice her, in spite of her family responsibilities.
All hope, all good stuff. And guess what? All happy endings! And there are carols and bells and decorated trees and holiday parties and gifts and beautiful, beautiful moments. Take out the nudity in one of the story lines and it's perfectly harmless family fun.
Now let's look at "It's a Wonderful Life."
A man grows up in a tiny town, hoping to leave it some day. (Good start.) When he's a kid, his brother falls through the ice and he saves his brother, but loses hearing on ear. (His brother apparently has no permanent damage even though he was in the water way longer.) Flash forward, he's an older boy, working a job in a pharmacy. The pharmacist gets a letter saying his son has been killed in the war. The pharmacist then loads up a bunch of pills with poison and sends our young hero with the bad ear off to deliver the death pills to a sick family. The boy refuses and gets pounded on by his employer for his efforts. (ummmmmm attempted murder and assault of a minor anyone?)Flash forward. Our hero is an adult ready to go to college since he had to work to put his brother through first. (Why?) He attends a dance where some ne'er do wells force him and a young lady into the pool. (Harrassament, assault) He and said young lady walk home in odd clothing (because walking home in wet clothes is forbidden?) and he steps on the belt of her oversized robe, and the
robe falls off. She's forced to hide in the bushes (public nudity) and he refuses to give her back her robe (sexual harassment, possibly assault.)
He is told his father died. He's forced to stay home and run the family business because his brother got married and got a job from his father in law and went back on his promise to runt he business while our hero was in college. (Family death, squabbles.)
Flash forward again. He's married. About to go on his honeymoon when the town banks founder and he has to give up his honeymoon money to keep the bank open.
Flash forward again. His dimwitted uncle loses a vast amount of money (recovered by the evil banker guy who didn't tell anyone he found the money, so...stealing...and abuse of the elderly) and this is where the story gets dark. Our hero wishes he'd never been born and jumps off a bridge to kill himself.
GOOD FAMILY FUN!
He doesn't die, but the weird guy in long johns (so many things wrong with that) shows him life if he hadn't been born. And we see bar fights and alcoholism and abuse of the homeless and stalking and abuse of teachers, child abuse, a sick child (whom they named ZUZU which is abuse in and of itself.) and racism.
GOOD FAMILY FUN!
The movie resolves with the worst, laziest thing ever: (IT WAS ALL A DREAM) and everyone piles money on a table and sings a Christmas Carol while those of us watching this hot mess are left shell shocked and wishing we'd chosen "Jingle All the Way" or something, anything else.
Agree with me, don't agree with me, whatever. But keep "It's a Wonderful Life" out of the hands of the children. It will scar them for life! Meanwhile, there's always the Hallmark Channel!
I must correct... George did not have to work to put his brother through college. When their father died George hadbeen working to put himself through college and his brother had just graduated from high school. After their dad died George had to stay amd run the business and he then gave the money he had saved to his brother for his college education. George always gave of himself to make the life of others better. Clarence made him see how much one life can mean. Yep, I love this movie. ��
ReplyDeleteI bow to your knowledge! LOL
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