Is any of this normal? Asking for a friend...sort of.

Hello all!

First of all...gentlemen...this post deals completely and frankly (would you have one of my posts be anything but frank?) with menopause. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.


I thought menopause would be one of those things you sort of ease into. Like a gradual increase in some symptoms and a gradual decrease in others.

Nope.

I began menopause on June 27, 2019.  I know this because that's the end day of my last female punctuation and the first day I really noticed the hot flashes.

HOT FLASHES!  Here's something women seem to neglect to mention when they talk to other women.  (Sort of like some of the more interesting stuff that comes with pregnancy and delivery...why don't we share more?)

I thought I knew what hot flashes would be like...but I did not.

It's sort of like being tied to a rope and having someone lower you over an open fire.  Oh, wait, you know that part in "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" where Kate Capshaw is in that cage and lowered into a pit of fire?  THAT.

I have a hot flash roughly every seven minutes sometimes. And when I'm not flashing, I'm still in a state of dripping, stinking sweatiness. I keep turning down the AC and I need to buy more fans because apparently the number I have blowing directly on me at all times isn't enough.

But it's not just that I'm steaming lobster dipped in butter hot all the time.  It's also the...well I guess the medical texts call them "mood swings."  I like to better think of them as "momentary urges of rage of and murderous thoughts."

To be completely honest, for those of you who don't know me well, I've been an emotional person my whole life. I dance a delicate little line between normally exuberant and clinically in need of medication.  In fact, back in my late 20's....(ahh...the good old days, when I was sure I'd lose the baby weight and be a size 10 forever.) I was put on a low dose of Prozac because the five days before my female punctuation every month were so...dangerous for those around me.

I'm not saying my last doctor's appointment was rough...but my doctor doubled my Prozac level.

I've also noticed my language has gotten saltier. I mean, sure, my favorite pastime for decades has been to string together colorful cuss words for the amusement of those around me. But typically I would do it in private, like in a college dorm room, or in my kitchen when only my kids are around to appreciate it.  But lately, it does not seem to matter one %$@#$%%&* tiny bit. I simply don't seem to give a %&*^&)(# who hears me.

And poor hubby. He tries. He suggests things to ease my anger, ease my heat issues. He doesn't blink when I turn on another fan and turn the AC down to it's lowest setting and still kick off the covers.  Nope, he just puts on another layer and tries to stay quiet.  Because generally when me makes suggestions it only serves to further annoy me.

But is this normal?  I mean with PMS, there was a beginning and an end time. This doesn't seem to have an end. Every hot flash brings me more rage.  I'm not in any physical pain, but I have lost what little patience I have with things like standing in line at the pharmacy or sitting on hold on the phone.

Not that I eve had a lot of patience for either of those things.

I know I've ranted about how I was ready for menopause, and one of the reasons was that my laundry would be less because of less punctuation overflow.  I did NOT, however, take into consideration the amount of laundry I would need to do because of my tremendous B.O.!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the whole idea that I would ever wear white pants is ridiculous anyway.  I'm still me...I still spill...also, it seems a side effect of menopause is NOT the shrinking of the fluffiness.

I notice that I have more hot flashes when I'm stressed.  So here's a question: If I really, really stress myself out for like the next week...can I get to the end of menopause faster?  Cuz' that would be great....