The things I'm going to attempt in 2019...

Good evening!

I'm not sure how it happened, but here we are...New Year's Eve. 

I'm also not sure who decided New Years' Resolutions should be a thing...but it's that time of year again, that time when we all sit down and promise to ourselves we are going to be better, healthier, nicer, more productive people in the new year. "AND THIS TIME I MEAN IT!"

I'm old enough to know that swearing I'm going to lose 50 pounds this year means nothing.  And I'm not going to learn a foreign language in one year.  So, here are my New Year's Resolutions:

1)  Average 12,000 steps every day.  

Last year I upped my goal to 12K a day, but of course didn't make it every day.  (Today is a glowing example of that since I've been in bed with chills and aches since noon.)  So this year my goal is to AVERAGE 12K a day each week. Right now I hover around 10-11K most weeks, so this will take an effort.

2)  Drink more water.

I'm averaging about 65 ounces a day, which is good, but according to my doctors, not good enough. My goal for 2019 is average 80 ounces a day by the end of year.

3)  Be more disciplined with my writing.

Fairly nebulous, but I've been a bad, bad girl this year, moving the deadline for "Freed on the Fox" back and back and back several times with no reason other than I'm too unfocused to write it.

4)  Take care of my health issues inside and out.

I have no idea why I'm exhausted all the time, but 2019 is when I find out.  I'm going to move forward and I'm not going to give up and ignore my doctor's phone calls.  I'm meeting with a couple specialists in January. 2019 is when I figure it out.

5)  Read 21 books.

I managed to read 20 this year...but if I'm honest, at least two of those were children's books written by Jimmy Fallon.  So this year, my goal is 21 books, (and not ones I've written) from start to finish.

6)  Be more patient all around.

There are several things I'd like to change in my life...RIGHT NOW.  My final resolution for the year is to be more patient, or at least try to.  What that means, I have no real idea.  But I'm pretty sure I'll be doing deep, cleansing breaths while standing in line at the pharmacy.  I'm fairly certain this will be the first resolution I break in the new year.

So. my friends, we leave 2018 behind us tonight and look forward to 2019 with the bigger hope that it's a better, kinder, simpler, less dramatic year all around.

Unfortunately, for that to be true, quite a few people are going to have to leave Face Book forever.

Here's wishing you all a happy new year!   May 2019 be a good year for you all!

2018 Resolution Report Card

Hello everyone!  For those of who are still celebrating holidays (Boxing Day, Kwanzaa) Happy Holidays to you!  For my American friends, we know this week between Christmas and New Year's as sort of a semi-shut down week. I mean, retail is open, of course.  And medical.  Aaaaaaaaand, yes, my day job is open.  But still, there are a lot of people out there who get to sleep in and do nothing for a couple more days.  Or, conversely, you're stuck at relative's homes for a couple more days and you can come back on Sunday just in time to start back to work.

I digress.

Today's blog is NOT about post Christmas Blues, which I have, but about looking at the resolutions I made for this year and how I did...


To remind you, here are my resolutions from December 31, 2017:

1)  Give up French Fries.

Yeah...I did it for Lent last year.  Not easy.  But let's face it, the art of making a good French Fry is dying and really I'm only in it for the mayonnaise or ketchup.  So...let's just give those up for a year.

Well, this one was up and down. I've been very streaky in when I am and when I am not off fries.  I would give myself a strong C-.  I haven't failed, but I have eaten enough fries this year to keep me from being proud of myself.

One a brighter note, I gave up bread for Lent this year, which was tough, but I've stayed away from much of my previous bread consumption (I'm down to less than one serving a day).

2)  Increase daily step goal to 12,000.

Just means more marching at 11 PM while watching "The Tudors"...again.

This I have done.  The vast number of my days have registered at 12K or more steps per day. The last two weeks haven't been my best, but overall, I believe I've achieved this one. Give me an A-.

3) Go to the gym more than I did in 2017.

Shouldn't be hard...since I'm pretty sure the number I have to beat is a single digit and we have 365 days for me to get it done.  On a related note, watch for me to really get my workouts going well about December 14.

I actually also managed to complete this one. I did attend the gym more than I did in 2017. And then I cancelled my membership this summer because, who are we kidding?  A for getting there, but stick an asterisk on this one because I did cancel.

4)  Drink more water.

This year I'm not going to count the ice I put in all my mixed beverages as water consumption.  I'm also pretty sure I can't count the water I use in coffee...since I also add creamer.  And I'm not giving up dairy.  We all know that's not going to work in my world.

This has been up and down.  There are days I get over 64 ounces and days I do not.  I give myself a B, although my doctor, who believes I should actually be drinking 128 ounces a day, would give me a D-...

I'm still very aware of drinking water and have cut my soda intake down to less than one 12 ounce can per week.  I've also completely cut out artificial sweeteners and I've dropped my adult beverage consumption to 1 per week on average.

5)  Take all my supplements every day.

2017 proved to my I can't just do a "catch up day" on Thursdays with one big giant, vomit inducing day of vitamins.  Not really getting the best benefit out of that, I think.

I decided to stop taking supplements altogether in 2018. They made me nauseous.  That said, my doctor is insisting I get back on the iron and I've started taking Vitamin C. So maybe cutting down on the number of supplements will help in 2019.  I'm giving myself a D- on this one, because I did actually take them every day for a while, but then stopped completely.

There you have it. Much like school, my report card surprisingly up and down.  But isn't that like life?

I've got a couple more days before I have to cough up new resolutions.  Let's see if I can be more creative!

I didn't plan on losing my mind yesterday...but then I went to the doctor.

Good morning!  So yesterday I went to the doctor for my semi annual "let's pretend Sarah's completely healthy even though she feels like crap all the time" appointment.  I went in carrying a list of ailments I've been experiencing from my endless problems with my knee to my itchy ears.  Yes, my ears itch.

The appointment started out like any other, I checked in to the front desk where they asked me to spell my last name and say my birthdate.  Then, for fun, they took my picture. Because, the cheerful, chirpy skinny behind the desk said, the medical people wanted yet another way to make sure they were talking to the correct person while looking at the right file.

So they took a picture.  This picture was then attached to my file.

I feel every bit as good as I look.

Then I went to the internal medicine clinic where they asked if I could spell my last name and say my birthday.  I did.

I sat for three minutes before the medical assistant came out and called my name. She then asked me to spell my last name and say my birthday. I did.

She weighed me (I've lost two pounds since August, so...yay?) checked my height (I don't think I've gotten taller) then ushered me into a room where she again asked me the spelling of my last name and my birthday.  Which I gave her.

Blood pressure (normal) pulse (high, but okay) temp (normal)  then the "depression panel" which they apparently run randomly.  I was honest about how I love my couch and enjoy watching Netflix pretty much more than anything else in life.

I guess I scored pretty high on the depression panel.

What can I say? I've always tested well.

I didn't realize how high I scored on the depression panel until my doctor showed up and actually spent real time talking to me.  I've been going to this guy for six years...and I picked him because he really doesn't pry much.  I'm generally in and out in fifteen minutes because his manner is...um...non-intrusive.

But, I guess, when someone comes in for an iron check up and winds up looking like a suicide case on paper, even this guy sits up and takes notice.

I'm not sure how many other people had to wait in those sweaty exam rooms because I was taking up so much time, but you know what?  I did not care.  (Refer to the photo of me above. Do I look like a person well enough to be worried about taking up too much time?)  So we talked. I'd brought along a long list of ailments, and we talked about all of them. Except the itchy ears. That was annoying that he didn't even look at my itchy ears. I guess being worried about whether or not I was going to off myself in the parking lot overshadowed my itchy ears.

Doc got serious about my knee and order x-rays. He also decided he needed blood work. I was prepared for this. This guy loves his blood work. I've never gone in to see him without winding up having to come back again and get my blood tested.  I was prepared. Believe it or not, even for a 3:30 PM appointment, I did not eat all day so when he said I needed a blood test, I could tell him I'd been fasting and they could take the blood NOW.

Save myself a trip.

Except...I forgot I have to go back today for my mammogram.

My doctor printed out roughly a tree's worth of paper outlining instructions for the radiology department and the lab.  He then turned me over to his medical assistant who ushered me to the door and told me to go to the lab first because radiology would take longer.

I've been to the lab in this clinic.  NOTHING takes longer than labs.  So I went to radiology.

A very nice lady there checked me, asking me the spelling of my last name and my birthdate.  Which I gave her.  Let's remember, she's also looking at this picture of me, which was taken one hour earlier. I'm still wearing the same clothes at this point...and probably the same "you've got to be kidding me" expression.

She printed up a nifty wristband with my name and birthdate on it. Then she had me sit and while I was waiting she checked to see if we could bump my mammogram to yesterday, save myself the trip.

Nope.

Oh well.

I hadn't waited more than three minutes when a moderately attractive radiology tech called me.  I followed him to the x-ray room. He asked me, "can you spell your last name?"

Let's review:  I've been asked that five times in the last hour.  I'm wearing a wristband that the woman in his department printed out not three minutes earlier. AND he's looking at a file with my picture on it...and I'M WEARING THE SAME CLOTHES AS I AM IN THE PICTURE.

I ACHED to answer "NO!  I've used up all my allotted last name spelling/birthday confirmations today. You'll have to wait until tomorrow....OR YOU COULD JUST LOOK AT MY WRIST."

But, since I didn't want to watch his head explode (because, I mean, he was sort of attractive) I spelled my last name, again, gave him my birthdate, again, and got my x-rays.

He then ushered me out of radiology and I headed down the hall to the lab. 

I've blogged about this lab before. These are truly the slowest women I've ever had to work with.  (And I once spent an afternoon at the DOT).  You go there, they check you in, and then you sit...and sit...and sit...and you can see them all sitting there, chatting away, five feet from you. And then, as if given a message from a spirit no one in the waiting room can see, one of them will stand up and call a name.

It happens every time. It's like there's a rule that anyone coming in to the lab must wait no less than ten minutes.

Weirdly, though, I walked in and said "I'm here for a blood test" and they said, "You're Sarah?"

Didn't need to give my last name or my birthdate.

Either the lab is really on the ball, or they just don't care to be bothered with superfluous information. Gets in the way of their party planning.   

(I'm not saying that to be mean...the last time I was in for labs, they were planning a St. Patrick's day party. Yesterday...well...New Year's...because Christmas was already planned.)

I sat my prerequisite ten minutes and then a young lady in a red sweat suit got up off the bench and called my name. She led me to a room, pointed to a hook for me to hang my coat and purse, and had me sit down.

She did not ask me my name or birthdate.  I felt...well I felt like I had to fill the empty air with conversation and since she didn't seem interested in me, I asked her about her work...as it pertained to me.

"What does the doctor want with these blood samples?"  I asked.

What I think I'm getting in a lab tech.

"I don't know." Said Red Sweat suit, sticking vial number three (of four) onto the funnel attached to my arm.

"I mean, could you check?"

She heaved a heavy sigh, yanked the vial off my arm (half full, not sure that it matters) and looked at my file.  "Well, he's asking for a bunch of panels."  She shoved vial number four onto the funnel.

"Panels for what?"

What I'm pretty sure I got for a lab tech.

"I haven't a clue. I could ask, I guess."

At this point she unplugged the needle from my arm and honestly, given my previous experiences with the lab, I didn't like to think about just how long I might have to wait for Red Sweat Suit to find out why she'd just filled four vials (well, half filled two of them) of my blood.

Good thing she didn't have to take my blood pressure at that point...

She did tell me that since it was 4:30 at this point, all the doctors (had gone home) and I wouldn't see results until tomorrow.

I'm pretty sure she'd already gone home half an hour ago, but I didn't want to seem ungrateful so I didn't say anything.

I got my results.  My knee...well there's nothing really wrong with it. My doctor thinks maybe if I lose some weight that might help, but otherwise, hey, take some ibuprofen and call it a day.

As for the blood tests, I only got three of the panels back...and they're fine. I'm not dying or anything, that I'm aware of. 

What happened to that fourth vial?

Who knows what those party animals in the lab are doing with it?

I get to go back today...but the good news is that I will only have to recite my last name and date of birth twice...I think...unless something goes horribly wrong, like maybe they give me another depression panel and this time I score even higher.

Why Sarah can't sing "Peace Peace" with a straight face.

Good morning all!  

Once again we are getting close to that super frenzied moment in the year when parents lose their minds, teachers wish they could drink on the job and small children literally explode from anticipation.  

I am, of course, talking about the countdown to Christmas Eve. We are two weeks away.

For those of you out there who are Christian and are religious, this is an especially busy time because,
in addition to concerts and programs recitals, projects, bake sales, craft fairs, baking, wrapping, shopping, mailing, putting together Christmas cards that make your family seem nice and normal (as opposed to the train wreck it tends to be most days)  and the general buzz of every day stuff, many churches go and throw in a mid week advent service, just for funsies.  Because what you really want to do on a cold winter's Wednesday night is put the kids back in the car and go to church.

My parents, two of the most church going religious folks I know, have, in the past, joined churches strictly based on whether or not the churches held mid week Advent services.  (They joined the one that didn't.)

All of this extra-ness of the holiday season culminates, at least for me most of my life, with the Children's Christmas Eve service.  

It's a big deal, Christmas Eve services. Parents fight for good seats so they can record their kids.  Maybe it's the 8th graders who sit sullenly until it's their turn to stand up and recite. Or a fourth grader who had one too many cookies before the service and barfs all over the kid next to him. There's always some 4 year old who cries so hard he wets his pants.  Christmas Eve service is when little girls put on a lot of velvet and curl up their hair and boys are wrestled into sweater vests and clip on ties so that they can stand up in front of church, sing a few Christmas hymns, and recite in unison "FORUNTOYOUISBORNASAVIORWHICHISCHRISTTHELORD!"

What everyone thinks the service will be.

When I was one of those surly 8th graders, our Christmas Eve service was lead by the pastor's wife, an imposing figure of a woman we're going to call...wow, I don't have a clever name for her because, well, she's was so singular. I'll call her Mrs. because if I call her anything else, someone, somewhere, might sue me. But I swear to you every word of what I'm about to tell you it true.

The high point of our Christmas Eve service the year I was in 8th grade was the singing of Silent Night and Peace Peace. This is a musical number that is performed generally with a children's choir and an adult choir. The kids sing Silent night and the adults sing Peace Peace, which goes like this:

Peace, Peace, Peace on earth and good will to all

This is the time for love

This is the time for joy

Now let us all sing together

For peace peace peace on earth.

When done correctly, it's magical.

What it typically is.

Mrs. was one of those grand women who believed in over dressing for everything. At 6'3" 275 lbs., she was hard to miss. But when she did up her mountain of curly red hair, painted all nine of her fingernails bright red (you read that right, she was missing the pinky finger on her right hand at the knuckle. Just a stubby finger...no red nail.) and donned something sparkly and flowing, she was a vision of Vegas like chic. She was the choir director for the entire church, which means the choir, the junior choir, of which I was a member, and the school kids who couldn't really sing or didn't want to be in junior choir but were forced to be in the church service all fell under her bedazzled, fleshy flapping arms.

Her vision for this song was sort of a theater in the round magic that really should involve a couple of teamsters to pull off. The senior choir was to line up behind the junior choir on the altar area. No risers, so the senior choir was sort of buried in the back. The non singing kids were on either side of her standing in lines. The organist...and this is key...was in the balcony BEHIND HER. And the bigger logistics issue was that the organ was backwards in the balcony. In order for the organist to see what was going on on the main floor of the church, he or she had to look in the mirror on the organ. Oh, and the organ bench was actually higher than the balcony railing, so there was always a certain degree of danger in playing the organ.  You never knew if THIS would be the day the organist crashed over the railing to certain death.

The service itself went pretty well. No one cried that year, or wet their pants. All we had to do was get through "Peace Peace" and we were free to go home and enjoy the real meaning of Christmas...you know, the present part.

The organist, a darling woman who shared my maiden name, and I will call her Ruth, because that is her name, fired up "Silent night" and the kids started singing on all three sides of Mrs. Then, with a point of a long red claw, Mrs. started the senior choir.

I'm not sure how it happened...okay, sure I am. The members of the senior choir couldn't see Mrs., so therefore they buried their faces in their music and ignored the fact that the organ, and with the organ the children, were pulling farther and farther ahead of them. (Average age of the senior choir...84)

In a move that was unheard of...and is now legendary, Mrs. stopped the show. "Stop, stop! Ruth! Stop playing!"

Mrs. just stopped Christmas Eve. Just like that. I was in the front row of the Junior Choir...it was all I could do to stop from laughing out loud.  No one, in the history of Christmas Eve services, had EVER stopped anything.  No, I've seen kids pass out.  I've seen wailing kids run in fear from the front of the church to their parents.  I've seen kids spill hot wax on themselves  (back when kids were allowed, nay, ordered, to hold actual live fire.)  But no one ever stopped a Christmas Eve service.  The tension in the church was a heavy cloud.

Not for the senior choir though...the bass section, God love them, didn't hear her shouting to stop...and in a silent church, the four basses growled out, "NOW LET US ALL SING TOGETHER!" before an Alto shoved them with her folder.

There was a horrible, delicious stretch of time when the room was silent, waiting for something, anything, to happen. Mrs. took a deep breath, raised her enormous arms, the light of the Christmas tree twinkling off the five diamond rings she wore on her nine fingers. "Ruth, take it from measure 84," she said.

We moved from that town a year later, and I don't know what became of Mrs. I do know this: That Christmas Eve became a legend across many parts of Wisconsin,  and to this day I will run into someone and we'll get to talking about Christmas music and they'll say, "Well, I'll never be able to sing "Peace Peace" with a straight face again."

And neither will I.

Hey, you all have a marvelous Christmas, or, whatever you celebrate this time of year, I hope it's marvelous.  

What is a Christmas Movie...What is Not...And a Total "Wonderful Life" Smackdown

Well, my friends, it's that time of year again: the time when people sit around a table and bicker and argue all while stuffing their faces full of food and cookies.

I'm not talking about Christmas dinner with the extended family.

Nope, I'm talking about the eternal debate that rages every year about this time as to what is and what is NOT a Christmas Movie.

I'm not talking about the Hallmark channel here.  That's a Christmas movie industry unto itself and if you're into it, that's great.  I'm not going to lie, I've been sucked into that vortex of holiday sweetness myself.

No, what I'm addressing here are the HOLIDAY MOVIES, the movies that have actual starts and plots that are something other than "a female small business owner/career type is too busy/too poor to love. Along comes the handsome handyman/ne'er-do-well/fellow business owner who helps the woman save her business/learn to take a break OR saves her child/dog/mother/horse from certain death and then everyone sings many Christmas carols while someone decorates a perfectly lit tree."

This is a debate that stirs up a lot of shouting at my house, and I hope it does in yours, too.

First of all, what IS a Christmas movie?

Well, it has to be set at Christmas time.

It has to involve Christmas décor of some kind.

It has to involve the buying and/or exchanging of gifts.

Someone, somewhere, has to wear red and/or green or both.

These are the tiniest, tiniest, bare minimum of requirements.  And because the list is so simple, the following movies fit in:

Die Hard 1 and 2

Iron Man 2

Home for the Holidays.

Diner

 Now, before you go rearranging your DVD/blu ray collection, hear me out: as a PROFESSIONAL MOVIE CRITIC  (I've made some money from selling my movie review books so yes, it counts) I do NOT consider Iron Man 2 or Home for the Holidays Christmas movies.  Iron Man 2 literally has a Christmas tree in Tony Stark's house and that's it.  Home for the Holidays is a Thanksgiving movie, with a nominal mention of Christmas, but it is NOT a Christmas movie. So no, these movies do NOT need to go on your Christmas shelf.

The Die Hard movies fit because there's holiday décor, holiday parties, holiday travel, gifts, music, and, in the case of Die Hard 2, SNOW. So let's just put all that to rest.  Put Die Hard 1 and 2 on your Christmas shelf.  

Diner fits because, again, the timeline is set around Christmas and there are decorations all over the set.  That said, the focus of the movie, time wise is on a New Year's Eve wedding.  So I file Diner in my Christmas movies, but if you don't, don't sweat it.  That one can go either way.

There are movies that are NO DOUBT HARDCORE Christmas movies and they are REQUIRED VIEWING every year:

Elf, Miracle on 34th St., White Christmas,  A Christmas Story, National Lampoons Christmas Vacation, Love Actually, Christmas with the Kranks, all the Home Alone movies  (but why are you watching any of them other than 1 and 2?)  all the Santa Clause flicks with Tim Allen and any incarnation of A Christmas Carol. All of these films are Christmas centric, with various Christmas themes and experiences related good or bad.  The funniest, cheeriest is Elf, the darkest is definitely the George C. Scott version of "A Christmas Carol."  (The ghost of Christmas Future FREAKS ME OUT!)  

(Also, a movie that is a Christmas film but is NOT on my list for the freak out factor: Polar Express. The animation in that movie is creepy.  Just...creepy.)

There are those of you who are going to debate "Love Actually" on that list. Peaches and Skippy yell at me every time I turn it on, which is roughly 57 times between Thanksgiving and New Years.  My children both maintain, loudly, that not only is Love, Actually NOT a Christmas movie, it's a very terrible movie! My friend Joellen spent a big part of yesterday telling me the same thing...that it's not an appropriate Christmas movie.  I disagree. (Not with the appropriateness of the movie, the unedited version is NOT for kids.)  Love, Actually is not only a Christmas movie it is, quite possibly, the BEST Christmas movie EVER MADE.  I don't generally enjoy the multi-story-mega-cast holiday films (Valentine's Day...New Year's Eve...) but this one has so many AWWWWWWWWWW moments, it's totally worth it.  It's sweet, it's funny, and there's Christmas in every single shot.  Love at the holidays is weird and stressful, and every age group and every stage of a relationship is captured in this most Christmasy of Christmas movies.

Now, here's where I get into serious trouble.  

The following movies are considered to be Christmas movies, BUT THEY ARE NOT.

It's a Wonderful Life

Holiday Inn

Nightmare Before Christmas

Let's start with the easy one:  "Nightmare Before Christmas" is a Halloween movie.  Period.  You can watch it at Christmas if you wish, I'm not going to tell you how to live  (unless you are my friend Joellen in which case you need to be schooled on WHY "Citizen Kane" is a great film.) but don't fool yourself. It's not a Christmas movie.

Holiday Inn doesn't make the cut because yes, while there is Christmas in it, so are all the other holidays.  It's a holiday movie that's perfectly fine for the 4th of July, Valentine's Day, and Thanksgiving. Don't believe me?  Watch it sometime.  It's silly with holidays.

And now we turn to my annual rant about that most horrible of movies, that thing everyone has been brainwashed into loving for reasons I cannot comprehend, that total and complete DOWNER of a film, "It's A Wonderful Life."

This is my father's favorite film, which is weird because he doesn't generally love movies and also he's a really intelligent guy.

The first part of my rant is that this is not a Christmas movie.  That annoying kid banging Jingle bells on the piano and the singing at the end aside, this movie has nothing to do with Christmas. It's the story about a guy who thinks his life blows chunks because he never got to live his dream of leaving his hometown.  Like...ever.  Then he tries to kill himself and some dude in long underwear informs him that if he was never born, everyone close to him will live lives that really do blow chunks so he'd better get out of his pity party, buck up, and live (and maybe take a vacation for even day.  Geez, I mean, self centered much?  Really, the town can't do without you for a week?)  But my point is, this is not a Christmas movie and just because they sing a Christmas carol at the end and some super homely kid squawks about angels and bells, that doesn't make it a Christmas movie.

Now we get to the meat of this blog.  The real reason I decided to write a blog about Christmas movies is because I'm tired of people telling me how inappropriate "Love Actually" is and yet how wonderful and wholesome "It's a Wonderful Life" is.

Love Actually vs. It's a Wonderful Life

I will concede the nudity point.  There is no nudity in It's a Wonderful Life and there is in Love, Actually.

But let's get down to it, shall we?

Nudity aside, (and the edited for television version has no nudity at all) Love Actually is a movie about hope.  The young man hopes he can find love in the US.  A young woman hopes the prime minister knows she loves him. A young boy hopes if he learns to play the drums the girl he loves will notice him.  A widower hopes to find love again. A divorced man hopes the learn to speak the language of a new love.  And a married woman hopes her husband realizes that having an affair is stupid before he actually has one. A young art dealer watches his best friend marry the woman he loves, and hopes that maybe some day he'll find someone just as good.  A couple lonely actors hope to find a mental and emotional connection with each other. And aging rock star hopes for one more shot at glory.  An office worker hopes the office hot guy will notice her, in spite of her family responsibilities.

All hope, all good stuff. And guess what?  All happy endings!  And there are carols and bells and decorated trees and holiday parties and gifts and beautiful, beautiful moments.  Take out the nudity in one of the story lines and it's perfectly harmless family fun.

Now let's look at "It's a Wonderful Life."

A man grows up in a tiny town, hoping to leave it some day.  (Good start.) When he's a kid, his brother falls through the ice and he saves his brother, but loses hearing on ear.  (His brother apparently has no permanent damage even though he was in the water way longer.)  Flash forward, he's an older boy, working a job in a pharmacy. The pharmacist gets a letter saying his son has been killed in the war.  The pharmacist then loads up a bunch of pills with poison and sends our young hero with the bad ear off to deliver the death pills to a sick family. The boy refuses and gets pounded on by his employer for his efforts.  (ummmmmm attempted murder and assault of a minor anyone?)

Flash forward. Our hero is an adult ready to go to college since he had to work to put his brother through first. (Why?)  He attends a dance where some ne'er do wells force him and a young lady into the pool.  (Harrassament, assault) He and said young lady walk home in odd clothing (because walking home in wet clothes is forbidden?) and he steps on the belt of her oversized robe, and the
robe falls off. She's forced to hide in the bushes (public nudity) and he refuses to give her back her robe (sexual harassment, possibly assault.)

He is told his father died.  He's forced to stay home and run the family business because his brother got married and got a job from his father in law and went back on his promise to runt he business while our hero was in college.  (Family death, squabbles.)

Flash forward again.  He's married.  About to go on his honeymoon when the town banks founder and he has to give up his honeymoon money to keep the bank open.

Flash forward again. His dimwitted uncle loses a vast amount of money (recovered by the evil banker guy who didn't tell anyone he found the money, so...stealing...and abuse of the elderly) and this is where the story gets dark.  Our hero wishes he'd never been born and jumps off a bridge to kill himself.

GOOD FAMILY FUN!

He doesn't die, but the weird guy in long johns (so many things wrong with that) shows him life if he hadn't been born.  And we see bar fights and alcoholism and abuse of the homeless and stalking and abuse of teachers, child abuse, a sick child (whom they named ZUZU which is abuse in and of itself.) and racism.

GOOD FAMILY FUN!

The movie resolves with the worst, laziest thing ever:  (IT WAS ALL A DREAM) and everyone piles money on a table and sings a Christmas Carol while those of us watching this hot mess are left shell shocked and wishing we'd chosen "Jingle All the Way" or something, anything else.


Agree with me, don't agree with me, whatever.  But keep "It's a Wonderful Life" out of the hands of the children. It will scar them for life!  Meanwhile, there's always the Hallmark Channel!