I feel the need

I feel the need

Friday, June 26, 2015

Well nothing good is going to come of THIS!

Good day all!

I've been banking at the same bank for more than twenty years.  There are several branches of said bank, but I like the down town one for a couple reasons.  First, it's always been closest to my house. Second, the drive through has the longest hours in town.  I like my bank mostly because I don't have to think about it.  My bank gives me no trouble.

That said, thanks to a new technology in my bank, I may have to move.

See, the drive thru at my bank has always been sort of odd. The building is right downtown, so space is limited and I believe it was built before drive thru was a thing.  So the drive thru lanes face the actual building and, up until very recently, the windows where the tellers stood.  I liked that set up because with the sun glare most of the day, you couldn't see the tellers and you knew they couldn't see you without risking their retinas.  If I was frustrated about something or if I'd been waiting too long in line because the guy behind me decided to do something complicated like finance a house through the drive thru (guys, the drive thru is for  fast deposits only.  Don't have a multi step transaction and drive up to the window.  Don't ask questions.  Just drive up, cash your check or make a deposit and drive away. And for the love of all that's holy, have your deposit slip filled out!) the tellers were none the wiser because they couldn't see me.

Now, however, they've moved the windows to the side of the building. I guess that's okay. I mean, given the amount of sun glare they had to face, I'm sure more than one teller actually went blind at work and that's a workman's comp claim that's hard to end.  (I should know...it's my new industry of employment.)  But they didn't just move the windows. No, they installed something...new. They installed something so horrible I am considering switching banks.

There's now a two way camera in the drive thru lane.  You put your deposit in the tube and send the tube into the bank. While you're doing that, you can see yourself in the camera.  (And, I'm assuming, the teller can see you.)  I do not like this.   I do not like seeing myself in my car.  I'm not thin looking in a seated position.  Not that I'm thin looking in any position, but in my car it's worse.  Also, when the teller talks to you, you see her face. This is creepy to me.  I don't want to see the teller's face ten inches from mine. If I did, I'd walk into the bank.

If I looked like this all the time, it wouldn't be
a problem. But we all know that's not the case.
Also, and this is the big key, I don't want the tellers seeing me when I'm in rant mode, which I typically am in the bank drive thru.  I don't know how much they can hear, but I don't want them hearing me finishing my rant against the guy in front of me.  Worse, I don't want them hearing me SINGING in case a good song comes on.  No, I don't like this at all.  Has no one heard, "Video killed the radio star?"  When I'm in my car I'm a rock star. If other people are seeing me, and I know they're seeing me, then I'm going to feel self conscious. Rock stars don't feel self conscious. This is going to ruin my secret in the car rock star career.

But let's take this new technology one step further.  I mean, it's a bank. How much trouble can anyone really get into at a bank?  

But what about if we put these cameras in all drive thru lanes?


Nothing good can come of that. If you have a picture of the person taking your order, then you're going to know whom to scream at when your order is wrong. And, unless you're at Culvers,your order is going to be wrong.  And also, sometimes if see who's packing your food, you might not want it. I'm just sayin', well, take a look at this pic:  
Ummmmm, no, hold the fries.

If you saw that face on a screen before you ordered...seriously...no judgements we all go with our own look, but if you had time to think about it, would you place that order?


Come on, do you want the staff of your local favorite eatery to have that four seconds while you drive around to the window to MOCK YOU?  Because if they see you while you're ordering, they're going to know what we all know:  That diet coke isn't fooling anyone, they are all going to know you don't have anyone in the car with you, no matter how much crowd noise you try and generate, and they're going to know that not only is the diet coke for you, the three double cheeseburgers, the extra large order of onion rings,and the extra thick chocolate shake is also for you.

Sure, with out the cameras there's mocking on both sides already. But with the cameras it's right there...in your face...you can't hide.  

No, no, nothing good can come from this. This additional video screen footage of all of us in a drive thru is going to end badly. Its' going to be a lot of ugly spread out.

Why can't we all just be ugly and noisy and grumpy in the privacy of our own cars?  WHY?

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Yes, I love Partylite. And I love coffee. And sometimes...well I just can't tell them apart.

Good afternoon!

I know, it's be some time since last I posted here...and I'd like to say it's because I've been busy being a brilliant author.  But we all know it's more likely I've spent my free time in the last several weeks watching EVERY EPISODE of Mad Men because why wouldn't I do that?

As many of you know, I now work at home for a company that, well, it's hard to explain what I do and what the company does, so I won't bother here.  I work at home at my desk on my computer, five hours a day, in the morning, and I love my job.  That's really all you need to know for the purposes of this post.

On my desk are a number of things since I'm one of those people who can't seem to abide empty horizontal space.  Since it's my desk where I do most of my writing, I have a large number of candles and candle holders all over the place.  

I also have one of those coffee cup warmers that you plug in.  I use that to keep my coffee warm (duh) but I also have used it in the past to "fix" a jar candle that didn't burn quite evenly.  It's very useful, my coffee cup warmer, to melt the jar candle from the bottom, helping to even out the top.  

Since it's summer, theorhetically, I've switched from hot coffee to iced coffee, which means I have no need to the coffee cup warmer to warm my coffee cups. So this past week I've had a jar candle sitting on the warming, melting from both ends, smelling lovely.  Yesterday I reached the end of the wick, but there was still some scented wax in the bottom, so I kept the warmer on, letting the wax liquify.

Did I mention that my glass of iced coffee and my warming candle were next to each other?

Do you see where this is going?

Now, I'll be honest. I'm betting those of you who know me, especially those of you who have been to Partylite parties when I was the consultant, will not be surprised by what happened at my desk yesterday.  I've talked for a long time about how you could, if you wanted to, melt down Partylite wax and eat it.

I never actually thought I'd do it.
Liquid wax...not just for breakfast anymore!

Nope, at some point in the late morning, when my iced coffee was more like room temperature coffee, and I was on Skype making what had to be my 1000th call of the morning, the thing I never thought would happen...happened.  

I picked up the jar candle and drank melted wax.

Not a lot. I mean, I'm not a complete idiot. I know the difference between coffee and melted wax.  At least I do once I get the glass to my lips and smell orchids instead of beans.  Most of the time.  I mean, come on!  The whole office smelled like orchids!  I just thought my glass of semi warm iced coffee was sitting too close to the melting wax and really absorbed the scent.

That sound you hear?  Well that's my friend, Jolene, laughing her face off.  See, I warned her that I was going to write about the dumbest thing I've ever done.  And now I have.  And now you can all hear her laughing at me.  

Go ahead, join her.  You all know I live to make you laugh.  I just didn't realize that I would be making you laugh quite this hard.

At Least the Creative Spark isn't Dead.

Good day. So for a little more than a week I've been battling my usual summer cough that turns into a sore throat.  Every year I g...