Hey all!
Welcome to Wisconsin winter! WOW! It is cold out there. Which means, it's that time of year again when I go out and get naked for a radiology tech and her very nicest torture machine. Yep, it's time for a mammogram!
This year has been a weird one for health. I was supposed to get my left knee replaced and then didn't because of my weirdly plugged ear. Meanwhile I have 2 workman's comp cases brewing, one for my right knee and one for my left shoulder. Plus, I've had the same cold for about five months. Oh, and my arthritis is really bad this year. That being said, I wasn't expecting any surprises from the photo shoot of the girls.
I was actually supposed to have this done a couple weeks ago, but the above mentioned cold, with all its snotty, hacky, oozy wonderment got in the way. So today, at 11:15 was the time.
I hate midday appointments. I hate late day appointments. If I'm being honest, I hate all appointments. Last week I spent two hours in a dentists' chair, 90 minutes of which involved my jaw being stretched open. The result? Now my mouth and jaw hurt and honestly, that was like the one part of my body that seemed to be operating properly! But I couldn't get an early day appointment, so here we are. I kept looking at the clock most of the morning, because more than hating appointments, I hate being late. I finally took off way too early, got there way too early, and had to sit outside in the hallway because the waiting room was PACKED with women who all wore the same expression of resigned dread.
"Resigned dread." That's a thing. No, don't look it up. Just check out the waiting room at any breast imaging place.
Anyway, so I had to sit outside in the hallway. These chairs are normally for the cancer rehab patients who use the gym equipment across the hall from the breast imaging office. Kind of a weird thing, I mean, okay, you get breast cancer, and that's how you get a membership to the gym? All these old ladies came in wearing four winter coats (cuz it's cold) and carrying their super white Hoka sneakers because they were going to gym time.
I thought I'd get a start on my 2026 reading. I pulled a book out of my bag and started reading. Two things happened: 1) The lady next to me, instead of changing out of her snow boots and into her Hokas decided instead to read my book over my shoulder. 2) I got called into an exam room. (Yeah, that old lady is just going to have to get her own copy of Steve Martin's second novel.)
Anyway, so my name gets called. Now, my actually appointment wasn't supposed to start until 11:15. Given the number of people waiting, I assumed I'd be seen somewhere around 4:30. Nope, I was walking into a room at 10:50. I was being led by a woman who I can only describe as the sexiest woman I've ever seen in real life. Like, since when did Swimwear models do breast radiology?
I cannot stress how unbelievably sexy this woman was. I'm completely straight, so it's not like that. But me standing next to her...we aren't even the same species.
Her scrubs were form-fitting. (Does Lululemon make scrubs? I didn't realize Lululemon made scrubs.) But she was so perfectly outfitted and her hair (blonde, of course) her makeup, all of it, perfection in a way that's just not possible for mere mortals in January in Wisconsin.
She was also the nicest, efficient, fastest talking radiologist I've ever had. I barely got a chance to enjoy those beautiful, soft robes they let you wear! (Although, why bother? You're pretty much gonna be naked from the waist up the whole time. But still, I love those robes.)
Breast exam, check. Off to the radiology room we go!
She's so good, the radiology room was literally next door to the exam room! No walking up and down halls, praying the robe doesn't come untied because I'm fluffy and as much as I love those robes, I probably won't ever steal one because they are never big enough for me.
This girl's talking all the time: Giving me instructions, moving my girls to one side or another, taking pictures faster than any paparazzi. I barely got my usual question in that I ask all my breast radiologists, "What made you chose this?"
Apparently, swimsuit model had gone to nursing school and didn't like it. She didn't mention anything about posing for Sports Illustrated, but I think she was being modest.
I will say this: She was so good, and so fast, IT DIDN'T HURT! Nothing hurt! The mammogram didn't feel like torture! She didn't have to retake anything. She took two shots of each breast and was done. It was...well, I can't say it was a pleasure, but it certainly wasn't close the worst thing that's happened to me in the medical field in the last year.
And no, I'm not going to tell you where she works. I don't want to share her! LOL
At the end of it, I was fully dressed, had a clean bill of health, and was almost in my car at 11:15, the time when the appointment was supposed to start! Also, the waiting room and the hallway chairs were empty!
I don't always enjoy a mammogram...okay I never do. But I almost did this time! So...well done swimsuit model!
BTW, get your breasts looked at! All joking aside, it's vital to your health!
