This girl is funny...not skinny.

This girl is funny...not skinny.

Friday, December 17, 2010

FOR THE RECORD: A few rumors and whatnot I'd like to clear up!

Good morning!

So I've been to Gold's twice this week, just walking in minding my own business.  One Tuesday the GM Mark, the one guy in the place NOT fearful of me after my "Screw you fee" rant back in August, accused me of something.  Yesterday the same GM suggested some alternative exercises for me.

That got me to thinking:  I bet there are a lot of misconceptions going around about me, and maybe there are a few things I should update.  So let me take a moment to set the record straight on a few things:

1)  I DID NOT SHUT DOWN THE POOL AT GOLD'S

Yes, I was there last week Thursday, the night the newspaper was tossed into the pool, thereby upsetting the delicate balance of the ounces of water to gallons of chlorine in the pool.  The pool was then closed for several days while it was cleaned and refilled.  However, contrary to what MARK the GM would have you believe...I DID NOT THROW THE PAPER INTO THE POOL.  Everyone knows I don't read when I work out. I watch movies.

2)  I AM NOT HIDING FROM MY Wii.

I realize it's been a few weeks since I last stepped on the Wii fit and got my hula hoop groove on.  I am NOT hiding from it.  I know I'll get a scolding because it's been a while...that's not why I ignored it this week.  I've been busy.  Really.  No, seriously.  I've been busy.  I'm not afraid of my Wii.  I'm NOT!

3)  I HAVE ACTUALLY LOST SOME WEIGHT

In spite of what you may think after reading this blog, I have lost 14 pounds since the early part of October.    Not earth shattering, but most of that weight loss has come since the week before Thanksgiving...weight loss during the holidays, a real trick!

4)  I AM A VERY NICE PERSON AND NOT SCARY AT ALL
It was recently admitted to me that...well I shouldn't call him by his real name, so I'll call him BRYAN...over at Gold's was, indeed, afraid to meet with me and with Dee after the "Screw you fee" incident.  In spite of what he may think, and what my Gold's membership picture may look like, I am a VERY nice person and I do NOT bite the heads of small children off by the light of the full moon.

5)  YES, DEE HAS LOST WAY MORE WEIGHT THAN I HAVE...AND I'M NOT JEALOUS.

Dee has worked with her stalker...I mean her personal trainer...very hard since August and I'm really proud of her...she's lost 34 pounds!  Now, while I think the amount of time her personal stalker...I mean trainer...spends watching for her at Gold's is very unhealthy, and in spite of the fact that he ignores the injuries she sustains during sessions with him and continues to inflict injury to her, I have to admit, the results are fantastic. And I'm not jealous...not really.  Honest!

6)  THE STORIES I TELL ARE MINE AND THEY ARE TRUE.

Believe it or not...I may seem like a completely normal person with a boring life, but my stories are mine.  While I may exaggerate a tiny bit for humor, the stories are real, the people are real (the names are not).  Believe me, I can't make this stuff up.

7)  I AM SARAH THE AUTHOR, I AM NOT FLO

Penny, a friend of mine from church, told me the other day that I'd make a great Flo from the Progressive Insurance commercials.  I had to agree with her.  I would love to be Flo.  That or a movie critic.  However, the closest I've come to actual celebrity is that I am Sarah the Author, and you may have hear me on the Bob and Brian morning show on  1029 The Hog.  My love for obscure trivia and for touting Dream in Color has lead me to a few shameless moments on the radio in Milwaukee.

8)  FINALLY

No, Rick Springfield has NOT filed a restraining order against me.  I know, some of you may have heard that...mostly because I said I was expecting one, having given him a copy of Dream in Color last spring.  One of my newest friends asked me if I thought it was a little creepy that perhaps Rick didn't read the book, but maybe his wife did...Not creepy, exactly.  More like...okay, a little creepy.

On the same note, I bumped into a darling older lady from my church while working the school open house the other night.  She introduced me to her friend, another little older lady.  Then she said, "Oh, and this nice lady wrote a book." 

There was some oohing and aaaahing, and then she said, "Yes, you wouldn't know this was a little church lady with what she wrote.  Whoo hooo....."  (picture an older woman fanning herself.)

Soooo.....I guess that's a positive review, right?

So there you have it, my friends.  A few things cleared up.  And again...I DID NOT THROW THE NEWSPAPER IN THE POOL.

Just wanted to be very clear on that one! 

1 comment:

  1. So, what I'm getting from this is that you threw a newspaper into a swimming pool? That is a tough balance to maintain, having owned a pool in recent months, but I was never compelled to drain it and refill. And I had frogs copulating in mine!

    ReplyDelete

Sarah loses the war in a Panera bathroom.

Okay.  I'll admit it. I'm done.  The war is over and I've lost.  I'm done like the day I delivered my oldest and I infor...