Yes, Noelle C is the reason for corporate warfare.

Good afternoon!

So this week we at Stuff Installed has a bit of a wild week.  We have seven installers, and therefore PM schedules seven installation jobs each day.  That's called filling your schedule, and it's a great thing, and it's a big reason why Stuff, Installed is the most profitable branch in the entire corporation.  (I'm not lying about that.  There's actually a big wall hanging in our showroom saying that very thing.  Basically, for all the high jinks, we rule.)

On Wednesday, however, one of our guys was out for the rest of the week with an eye injury and another guy, well, let's just say he decided installing stuff for Stuff Installed wasn't his thing.  He's been on the job two months.  And he just walked out.  So now we had seven jobs on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday and only five installers, six if you counted PM who was willing to do an installation.  But installations take all day...so we had three jobs this week we either had to reschedule or cover.

We are the only branch of Stuff Installed in Wisconsin, but there are at least two branches in Chicago, 90 minutes south of us.  So Lumbergh put in a call to the Northern branch and asked if they could spare an installer.

"Nope, sorry," came the reply.  "All my extra guys are going to the south branch all week."

Now, Lumbergh is a sneaky sort of fellow and he's figured out how to access other branches' schedules from our very own computer.  Actually, we all can do that because the ISRs  (the job Noelle C does) are required to cover for other branches from time to time, so we have to have access to other branches' schedules. 

Lumbergh checked the installation schedule for both the north branch and the south branch.  Between the two branches, both of whom had 10 installers, they had three jobs going in in those three days.  One job per day.

So....liar liar pants on fire!

We managed to serve our customers this week, and serve them well without the help of other branches.  Lumbergh won't get over this slight any time soon, but at least it gives him something to bark about other than why our sales guys aren't selling enough to make him happy.

But that's not why I'm telling you this.  I'm telling you this because when Noelle C found out about this lack of help on the part of the northern branch, she had a completely different, and of course delusional, take on why the other branch refused to help us.

"It's because I came back here."

Oh yes, the ancient history of Noelle C and Stuff Installed.  A couple years ago, right before I came on, she quit because she couldn't get along with the other office women.  I'm not making this up.  She thinks she was a victim of bullying, but after working with the woman for a year, I am convinced she quit because the other women wouldn't eat her vile soup and told her to keep her top on.  And she didn't like that.

Anyway, so she quit.  And then she came back when Elsie W was fired and called down the wrath of God on Lumbergh's head.  And now, dear Noelle C is convinced that the reason the Chicago branch wouldn't help us this week is because 18 months ago they "were going to" ask her to work for them and she refused and then she came back to this branch and now they've heard about it and they're refusing to help us.

Are you following me so far?

It's not that the Chicago branch offered her a job.  Much like when she says she was a model for Cosmo, I have my doubts about this.  "They were going to offer me a job, but I told them I didn't want to move."

So, a preemptive job turn down?

So yes, the whole reason there's been some hard feelings between our branch and the Chicago branches has nothing to do with the fact that we are far more profitable, that we did more installs in a week than they did in a month, or that our installers make more than double what their guys do.  It has nothing to do with the fact that we're a privately owned franchise and they are corporately run.  It has nothing to do with the fact that we have a 91% customer approval rating, and they are struggling to keep the doors open.

Nope, it's all because Noelle C turned down a job they hadn't offered her.

And now the weekend is over and I get to go back to work tomorrow and start living this wonderful dream again.

I wonder what she'll put in her soup this week to make it stink?