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Friday, February 28, 2014

It's the most wonderful time of the year...for me, anyway.

Hello all!

I know, I've been a bit AWOL this month.  It's February in Wisconsin and we are in our 99th day of ridiculously cold and snowy and awful winter with no end in sight.  Other than the fact that at this point we're immune to the cold and we're shoving our kids out to the bus stops when it's -45 F with the windchill where six weeks ago we were wailing that they must stay home and be safe  (face it, NO ONE wants to go to school in JULY) not much funny has been happening to me in a while.

As we approach March, however, I am joyful.  Why?  Because NOW is my favorite time of the year.  From now until June 25 I get to do my favorite thing:

I get to yell at people to take down their Christmas decorations.

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

See, this started like most things do in my life:  My husband and I were walking one evening, and we noticed someone who hadn't removed their Christmas lights from their house, and it was April.  "Take them down already," says Hubby.

And thus, my mania was born.

Awesome in December.  Ridiculous in March.

My family cringes now as we drive or walk by a house and they've still got holiday remnants on their house or in their yard.  I have no problem at all rolling down my car window and yelling "TAKE 'EM DOWN!"  at the top of my lungs.  (This is especially fun when it's really warm and we're walking and the homeowners in question are cooking out.  And remember, Homey don't run...especially from angry homeowners.)

I wanted to start yelling about January 15th.  See, I'm the lowest common denominator of everything.  Basically, if my family and I can manage to get the stuff down by the 15th of January, then everyone else should, too.  BUT, Hubby, on this one thing in our lives, is far more liberal than I am.  He insists I wait until Groundhog Day (Feb 2) to start berating our neighbors and complete strangers.  He's also mentioned that this year, given the severity of the winter, I should hold off until at least St. Patrick's Day.

Not a chance.  We all managed to get the lights up in this weather and 80% of us got them down in this weather.  SO TAKE THEM DOWN!

I look forward to this time of year like most people look forward to Christmas.  I'm giddy, I'm counting the days and I shout out the first "TAKE 'EM DOWN" with all the glee of a child staring at a loaded Christmas tree.

Now I'm not a monster.  I start gently enough.  I typically start with "Turn 'em off!" This is for people who insist on lighting those Santa lights and those silly inflatable reindeer and the 9 foot tall Frosty well into January.  Come on...turn 'em off.  Once Groundhog day rolls around, I'm on it, but my car windows are still rolled up.  I probably won't really up the volume until the first real thaw...(given the way this winter is going, that could be June.) that's when I roll down the windows or stroll past the house and yell out loud.

The thing that gets me the most are the wreaths.  Live wreaths annoy me the most post-Christmas because, unlike lights, they don't typically involve getting a ladder out to remove them and yet, it seems like 97% of everyone who gets a live wreath leaves them up year 'round until they get a new wreath.  WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT?  Seriously...you think it's cool to have a dead, brown, dried up wreath hanging on your house in the middle of summer?  You think your house looks awesome with that red ribbon, which is limp
Oh brown wreath...so pretty...
and filthy because it's been through all kinds of weather, is still attached to the brown wreath this is still attached to your house?  TAKE IT DOWN!

And those of you who haven't taken down your Christmas tree?  If it's in front of a window, you best pull the drapes.  Finding someone who still has their tree up at this point in the year (and there are two houses on the street between my house and my husband's work that yes, still have their trees up in the house.) is like gold to me.  I clap my hands gleefully and shout, "YOU CAN'T BLAME THE WEATHER ON THIS!  TAKE IT DOWN!"

But why, I'm sure you're asking, do you stop yelling June 25th?  (well, for lights...not for wreaths.  I can't stop yelling about wreaths) Because once we cross June 25th, we are officially closer to the next Christmas, and therefore homeowners, provided they've had the guts to ignore me, get my nod of approval because now they are way ahead of the game.

Great in November, very prepared, awesome.
BUT THIS WAS TAKEN IN MAY!
So, here's fair warning to three of the four houses across the street from mine (the fourth house is currently empty.)  TAKE DOWN YOUR DECORATIONS!

That line of houses on my way to work:  TURN THEM OFF!  It's almost MARCH.  Turn off the lights!

And to everyone who still has a wreath hanging on your house:  Go outside RIGHT NOW and TAKE IT DOWN!

And if you hear someone yelling something as they drive by your house...that's probably me.  Come on out and say hi.  I might even help you remove your holiday decorations.

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