Happy Mother's Day...Dr. Debbie would now like to see you naked.

"Friends" is pretty much required viewing for this
blog.

Good afternoon!

For the last couple years I've spent some quality time listening to Sportsradio 1250 "The Big Show" for all my sports talk needs.  (The women who read this blog have now stopped reading.  Most of the men are suddenly finding me way more attractive.)  One of the guys on the show, former Green Bay Packer Gary Ellerson, has for a very long time extolled the wonders of Badger Health Center, a place near my husband's work that specializes in steam treatments, acupuncture, and massage.

For the last couple years I've mocked Gary Ellerson...Packer hero that he is...for his endorsement because he's always talking about "Dr. Anna" and "Dr. Suzi." To me, unless they are pediatricians, this just sounded like..."oh yes, right...DOCTOR Suzi...uh huh.  I'm taking this seriously now."  I mean come on...yes, my kids call their pediatrician "Dr. Joe."  That's mostly because he has a Greek last name that's tough to spell and looks very little like it sounds.  But how seriously

Sort of a normal looking place, right?

can I take anyone named Dr. Suzi?

So Hubby, patient man that he is, has listened to me joke about this for a long time.  And this past Mother's Day he did something about it.  He and the kids got me two 60 minute massages.

That shut me up.  I mean, we aren't rich, we aren't "getting a massage" type people, so this was a big deal.  

It took me a couple months to wrap my head around the fact that I was, indeed, going to be going to this place and seeing these people whom I'd mocked for quite some time.  Finally, last week, I called and set up and appointment for this morning.  Some girl named Jasmine or Petal or something like that took my call, set up the appointment, and told me I could come in a fill out the paperwork or I could print it out online and bring it in with me.  I printed it out and filled it out and I'll say this:  It pretty much looked like every other type of paperwork I've filled out for medical and chiropractic stuff over the years.

This morning I was about to chicken out. One of the things I've lost after my car accident two years ago was my adventurous spirit.  I don't typically want to go anywhere or do much of anything.  NGTJ mocks me for it sometimes because I won't go and do stuff after work, and I make fun of myself sometimes too, but reality is that I just don't seem to have the energy to get up and do new things...or anything.  I was about to chicken out and then I realized something that terrified me:  What if I have to get naked?


See, everything I know about massages I learned on the TV Show "Friends" and I recalled all of Phoebe's customers were naked.  That wasn't working so much for me for one reason.  Punctuation.  (Regular readers of this blog are going to get that.  The rest of you should go back and read some past posts and catch up.  You won't regret it, I promise.  Punctuation has long controlled my life.)

I'm sorry, doesn't this look like something from
Robin Cook's "Coma?"

I called the place and left a message, but then realized that I was the first appointment of the day and no one was calling me back to give me the naked truth.  So, I did what any completely normal, sane women would do, I put on my spandex workout shorts under my other shorts and I went to my massage.

I got there, walked in, everything looked pretty okay.  I wasn't even put off by the multitude of blankets tacked to the walls of the waiting room.  Mostly I was focused on just how bare I was going to have to get.  

I was told Dr. Debbie would see me.  That's when I remembered that an adult calling another adult "Dr. First Name" was hilarious and I got over my nudity concerns.

And joy of joys...Dr. Debbie is a fluffy girl!

YES!

So Dr. Debbie ushered me into a room where Enya played softly.  I didn't see any candles, but the lights dimmed pretty well, and there all sorts of wall hangings I found to be soothing.  We talked about the car accident and what areas beside my neck were giving me problems.  She then said the magic words:

Okay, you need to strip down pretty much to underwear, and take off your bra because the straps get in my way.

She pointed to the table and said, "Get under the sheet and I'll come in."

I did as I was told except I left on the spandex shorts.  And my socks.  I didn't see any reason to take off my socks.

She came in and started working.  Apparently she hasn't had a patient quiet as big a mess as I am for a long time.  "You're making me work," was something she said quite often.

If you don't understand this picture...go find it
on youtube.

We chatted.  I told her everything I knew about massage I knew from "Friends."  She laughed and said, "I only use the wooden spoons on special clients."  

Dr. Debbie might be my new best friend.

She kept telling me to take it easy today and drink lots of water.  I had no problems following those rules.  And she didn't make fun of my spandex shorts.

Ummm....?????

I'm a little stiff and sore right now because she poked and prodded at parts of me that haven't been touched since I told my 98 pounds physical therapist to stop hurting me.  And she worked on a muscle group in my rump...who knew I HAD a muscle group in my rump...that was wildly painful.  All in all though, my first massage was a success and I'm seeing her again next week. Not sure how long I'll continue this new found activity, but for now, let's just say I was really okay with it.

Especially the taking it easy part.  And the drinking water.  Hey, does the water that's in the ice that I would put in my wine count?