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Friday, December 11, 2015

Five for Friday: Things I've noticed at Xperience Fitness

Good afternoon all!

So, I've had a membership to Xperience Fitness since September 1, but I've only just really started using it in the last four weeks. In that amount of time, I've observed a few things...now, not all these things are singular to Xperience Fitness, some are, some aren't.  But here we go:


5)  The movie theater is COLD!

Like Gold's Gym, Xperience has a cardio cinema.  Unlike Gold's, there are no treadmills in there so I can enjoy a leisurely stroll while viewing some PG-13 family flick from the 90's.  Nope, it's all ellipticals and bikes and you'd best be moving because otherwise you're get frostbite. It is at least 15 degrees colder in there than it is in the main gym.  It's also pretty removed from the rest of the gym, and there's an actual door there so the casual movie watcher (or personal trainer who has nothing else better to do) can't just lean against the wall.

4) There's a bike on the second floor....just for me!

Since I've had my Fit Bit, I've been very aware of how many flights of stairs I climb every day.  I don't get nearly the flights on a treadmill I do on a sidewalk...even though I do use the "rolling hills" program, so I'm always looking for ways to add to my flights of stairs. So thank you, Xperience...for putting two stationary bikes on the second floor, overlooking the rest of the main workout area.  Not only can I get my sweat on in relative privacy (even though most people are looking up, they're looking at the multiple banks of televisions suspended from the ceiling.) I can also feel like a true Princess, riding on a tall horse, overlooking her kingdom.  And I get one flight of stairs.

3)  It doesn't smell when  it's busy.

I've had memberships at several different clubs, Golds, Wisconsin Athletic, Curves (and I'm not thin why?) and all of them had one thing in common: If they were full, they were funky.  I workout usually between 6:15 and 7:15 on weekdays. It gets pretty busy in there, but it's never smelled like anything but a very clean space.  There are spray bottles of cleaner and paper towel dispensers everywhere, and everyone is pretty good about wiping down their machines after they are done.  (Except for yellow noise cancelling headphones old man. That guy NEVER wipes down his machines.  I made the mistake of following him through the weight resistance circuit earlier this week...yuck!)

2)  Some skinny hag is always leaving the scale set to 101.

Why?  No, I know why.  Hey if I weighed 101, heck if I weighed 201, I'd leave the scale right there. I'd probably drag people over to it and say, "LOOK!  That's my weight!  LOOK how thin I am!"  This is not something I've just noticed at Xperience...it's at all gyms. Some underfed lightweight weighs herself and then leaves it set to her weight so that the rest of us (and I like the mix of underfeds and fluffies there in the AM) can sit there and say, "Well, I'm going to have to move that weight thing way past that number....nope, not feelin' it."  We get it. You're skinny.  Stop advertising.  You don't see me announcing how I always smell coffee fresh because I still have grounds in my shoes, do you?  No.  Stop it. Weigh yourself if you must, you dainty hummingbird of a human, and then push the weight thingy back to zero.  Oh, wait, unless you're not strong enough to do that?

1)  The stair climber machines are always busy...and everyone looks like they're miserable on them.

I don't know what sick, demented, jackwagon invented the stair climber, but he...oh it's definitely a he...it's probably the same guy who invented high heels with pointy toes and then insisted women's ankles look thin and magical in them...must be stopped.  Xperience has three or four of these things and they are always in use.  Sure, I tried one.  I thought, hey, great way to get my stairs in. 

Nope. Not for me.

It looks like some sort of escalator, but it feels more like you have to push the stairs down in order for them to move. You're not climbing stairs, you're doing battle with the machine. Chances are, based on my one minute, yep one whole minute, on the thing, if I didn't push DOWN, the stairs might just fly UP and attack some poor sot on the stationary bike in front of me.

And here's the thing:  Those stair climbers are always busy and everyone...EVERYONE looks miserable on them.  Most of the people I've watched using them (while I'm up on my second floor bike, pedaling away and watching everyone working out) wear a hoodie and have the hood up, covering their faces. I can only guess this is because if we saw their expression, we'd think they were possessed and call for a priest or something.  

The few people who don't cover their faces look almost worse.  And I swear I heard one guy chanting to his deity of choice, "let me live, let me live, let me live."

Maybe stair climbing is some sort of penitence for a religion I'm not familiar with. Either way, I feel sorry for those folks, those stair climber faithful.  Glad my God isn't all about the calves.


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