This girl is funny...not skinny.

This girl is funny...not skinny.

Saturday, August 6, 2016

Yep, they still taste great. Crap.

Good evening!

I'm tearing myself away from Olympic coverage a few moments because 1)  I'm already overwhelmed by what's in my DVR and 2)  I just spent four hours watching the Cycling Road race and I'm trying to calm down from the finish.  (Cooler than the Tour de France?  No, but close!)

As many of you know I made a New Year's Resolution back in December of 2014 to NEVER eat at McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's, or Arby's. For almost four years I'd eaten more fast food from these four places than one human should and it was time to cut it out.

It wasn't that hard, after all, once my services were no longer required at Stuff, Installed.  I was no longer driving 30 minutes one way every day, passing these purveyors of greasy, salty goodness.  I no longer had to escape an office for an hour.

So yeah, of all my resolutions, this is one I was actually keeping. Until two weeks ago.

Two weeks ago I met my friend Marie in a McDonald's parking lot.  We were headed to Renaissance Faire in Bristol, Wisconsin, and I was meeting her and her husband at the halfway point between her place in Madison and mine in Waukesha.  The outlet mall city of Johnson Creek. We decided to catch a quick lunch before getting on the road and since we were just right there...hey, I figured I'd just get a salad or something healthy and move on.

Nope.  

Guess what they've done since 2014?  They put breakfast on their all day menu. And guess what's on the breakfast all day menu...

Sausage egg McMuffins.

Yep, my old standby. My "I'm going to have oatmeal....oh wait, it's two for one mcmuffin day, let's do this" item.  My mega super weakness.  

Kryptonite.

But it gets worse. 

Now I could have just gotten one single Sausage Egg McMuffin.  I could have. I could have eaten it and been done with it, minimal harm.  But I didn't. Instead, I ordered the meal...and ANOTHER one.

So, two sausage egg McMuffins and a meal.

I was falling off the wagon HARD.

When I got to my table, however, I realized I was out of practice. Instead of two Sausage EGG McMuffins, I simply got two Sausage McMuffins. I'd ordered the wrong thing. 

I was disappointed for a moment, and then I bit into one and it didn't matter. Now I understand what all other addicts talk about.  This fluffy girl bit into that delicious, warm, cheesy, salty, sausagy, bit of hand held heaven and that was it.  Angels sang, the devil on my shoulder howled with glee, and I may have lost consciousness from pure ecstasy for a moment.  

It took me no time to polish off one, then two, then down the hashbrown thing and wash it all down with a diet coke.  (Something else I've all but shut out of my life.)  The worst of it is, I wanted more. I wanted two more, three more, I wanted MORE!

Thank goodness I was with Marie, who is my skinny friend. Marie has limits to just how much she'll horse down at one sitting.  (My other friends do as well, I just happen to be with Marie on this occasion.)  So I didn't go back up there and order more.

But it gets worse. 

So that was two weeks ago.  I thought I was over it.  I thought I'd gone through the worst and was good to go.  But then today, sitting at Starbucks, sipping my black unsweetened ice tea, I had a horrible thought.

I'm thinkin' Arby's.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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