Good morning!
So, since this whole Covid-19 thing has taken over the planet, everytime I think of something, I add "in the time of Cholera." You know, like, "Going to the grocery store in the time of cholera." "Filling my car with gas in the time of cholera."
"Getting my Real ID license done in the time of cholera."
Now, full disclosure, I've never READ the book "Love in the Time of Cholera." But I have seen both John Cusack movies that reference it...."High Fidelity" (which is on my top 100 films of all times list) and "Serendipity" (which is not.)
Anyway, today, since my work schedule got adjusted because I'm working cases in California and that state doesn't wake up until 10 AM my time, I have a significant amount of morning time free to do things. And, since out DMV has opened....kind of...AND ALSO since my passport expires on Tuesday next week...it was time to get my federally approved REAL ID done.
Not that I'm planning on flying anyplace any time soon. And, since, again, my passport expires in less than a week, I'm not going to be leaving the country any time soon...it still seemed like a good idea.
So, I checked the Wis-DOT website and loaded up my Social Security Card, my passport, my marriage license, and both of my birth certificates. And I went to the DMV.
Now, I thought I was being clever, getting there at 7:10 when they opened at 7AM. It's Wednesday...no one will be there.
Said about a dozen other people.
Getting into the DMV building was kind of like being in some epic travel movie. Like walking to Mordor with a bunch of senior citizen hobbits and a few youngling elves. Or, really, more like Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail with the Black Knight, because once we got to the door, a large masked man shouted, "WHY ARE YOU HERE?"
Once we share with the masked guard we all got in line, holding our various folders of papers and whatnot and staying 6 feet apart. Much like Monty Python's chanting monks.
Everyone had what they all needed. Clearly, we all read the website and brought everything, and everyone got past the second guard guy...the photographer.
You know, the guy who doesn't give a crap whether you practiced your smile in the mirror or not, and whether you need to be photographed at a certain angle so you don't look like you're wearing a flesh beard. That dude has no sense of artistry....
(And I look like I have a flesh beard. Again.)
So now we go to the pit of chairs (all set 6 feet apart) and wait for the two...TWO... women at the window to call our numbers.
Oh, remember a second ago when I said everyone had what they needed? Yeah...no. there was one woman....the youngest person in the room other than the two wee ones getting their driving tests...the youngest adult in the room, the person who should have had it the most together....SHE DID NOT HAVE WHAT SHE NEEDED!
The first sign of trouble was that she needed to have her picture taken a second time. I didn't realize that was an option. Wait, we get a second shot? And did she wait in line to request this second picture? NO! She's young, thin, pretty...she gets to stick her unmasked face over the protective plexiglass and tell the second Orc that she needs a second picture.
And the second Orc complies.
Which backs up the line.
Anyway, so we're sitting in chairs. And BTW, Dad there with the kid for her test? Yeah, holding the phone inside the cover of that book isn't fooling anyone. We KNOW you're not reading any book about or by Temple Grandin. You're checking Facebook and your Ashley Madison account while your kid is taking her test. Be honest about it.
Anyway....where was I? Oh, right. I was waiting in chairs. And pretty girl was at the counter getting her Real ID. Turns out...she got married recently (YAY her) and had to change her name on top of getting the new federal ID. One tiny hitch...she didn't bring her social security card. That's like the first thing they tell you to bring.
And even if she had it with her, it didn't have her right name because she got married (Yay her) and had to change her name which she couldn't because of Covid-19. (Changing your name in the time of Cholera.) and so she didn't think she had to bring it.
The desk clerk went over this point with pretty but clueless several times before she gave up and walked pretty but clueless back over to the photo orc and asked that she be photographed a THIRD time, this time with her old name, and she'd just renew her license and get "the rest of it done" once she had her social security card.
As they walked back to the desk pretty but clueless said, "Okay, so I can get the Real ID now?"
I give the clerk a lot of credit. I would have slapped the woman. But instead, this lady said, "You cannot get Real ID without your social security card."
"Well, why am I here then?"
We've all wondered that.
So she finally left and it was my turn. I had it all. I had my old drivers license, my passport, my social security card, my birth certificate, and my marriage license. I was prepared to pay the fees with cash, check, or credit. I WAS READY!
Well, here's a heads up: If you have a valid passport, you don't need the birth certificate or marriage license. But, for the love of all that's holy, you still need the SOCIAL SECURITY CARDS.
Oh, and here's something they don't tell you: You also need a piece of mail with you name and address on it. A check won't do. You need TWO items with your name and address on it...and a personal check won't do.
Thank goodness, the clerk was still graveled having dealt with pretty but clueless. She checked and said just using my license was okay. (I had every form of ID known to man...but she had to check and make sure it was okay to do this without me having a piece of junk mail in my purse.)
But we were okay. I paid the fee ($14 for the license and $2 because I donated to the organ donor fund.) And I got my paper copy of my new license (which BTW, is only good until the original date of my license expiration....so I get to do this again in 2 1/2 years.) The whole process from getting past the Black Knight to exiting out the side door was 37 minutes.
So why tell us all this? Because, my friends, I'm sure I'm not the only one who waited until almost the deadline to get the Real ID and also, waited until less than a week before my passport expired (in the time of cholera) to do this, and I think you should all know a couple things before going in from someone who has been there.
1) BRING YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY CARD
2) Bring your license and a piece of mail with your name and address on it.
3) If you have a valid passport, bring that.
4) If you do not have a passport, you're going to need a certified birth certificate.
5) If you changed your name, you need to bring proof of that. Ladies, bring that marriage certificate.
6) Bring $14 ($16 if you're going to make that $2 donation) in cash. It's easier.
7) you can fill out the application online...if you can figure it out, but it's just as easy to fill out the paper app in person.
8) Get there early in the day, but call ahead and check hours for your local DMV.
Also, bring a book. Like, a book you're really reading. You're going to need it.
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