Isn't it a bit early to be showing me that?

Those who know me have heard me say, many times, "No one ever gets hurt lying on their couch."  Most recently I said this when my dear mother in law took a tumble outside a week ago and broke her shoulder and jaw. "No one ever gets hurt lying on their couch."

Well, as of today, I'm going to add a new rule.

"Nothing weird happens to people who stay indoors."

During this time of Covid I've been home and indoors much more than is even normal for me.  And there's been a lack of weirdness.  Which has been okay.

Until today.

One thing I do almost every morning is get up and go for a twenty minute walk.  Ten minutes in one direction, ten back.  Pretty regimented, and most of the time I even take the same route.  The morning walk is about waking up all the muscles, joints, and bones so that they know it's time to start hurting again.  This morning, for reasons I will not know, I decided to 1) go a bit further than I normally do and 2) walk a different route.

Which is how I wound up at 6:45 CST, crossing a street via the driveway of a man who was getting in an early morning cigarette.

I wasn't paying attention, I'll admit it. I was actually responding to a good morning text from Hubby, who is spending this week with his mom, tending her after her aforementioned fall.  I stopped in the apron of the driveway, looked down at my phone, and started to send the text when I heard a deep voice say, "Good morning!"

Not going to lie. That startled me.  I don't often see people just standing in their driveway, leaning over the bed of their pick up, staring off into the distance.  Especially not at 6:45 AM.  I said good morning back and then crossed the road.

From behind me I heard him say, "Wait, before you run into the house, let me ask you something."

Not sure why I thought he was talking to me...at first I thought he was talking to someone who, you know, he lived with or knew.  But no. He was talking to me.  I stopped walking and saw him crossing the street.

"I have to show you something."  He said.

"What, me?"

"Yeah."  He started crossing the street.

Now, young girls, in fact, anyone, if a stranger walks toward you and says he/she wants to show you something, that would be a good time to RUN.

But, I'm in my 50's and fluffy. My feet, ankles, and knees do not take kindly to walking most of the time. Running is RIGHT OUT.  So, instead of trying to escape what clearly could have been a kidnapping situation, I decided to assume no one is interested in kidnapping a middle aged fat lady who isn't wearing makeup before 7AM.  I took a few steps toward him and met him in the middle of the street.

"It's a little awkward, but I'm this dating site."

Buckle up kids,  this is where it gets weird.

"My screen name is Juicylips 34," he tells me.

"Okay...."

Why he thinks I know anything about dating sites...or would be interested in his screen name (which, honestly, screws a tiny bit girlie for a guy who looks like he works road construction) is beyond me.

"Anyway, this woman lives on this block, I think. Have you ever seen her?  Do you know her?"

He shows me a picture, which I can barely see because 1) It's sunny and his screen is being washed out by the sun and 2) it's still the time of COVID and I'm not sure I'm not wearing a mask and I'd like to not get the Covid from this dude because he wants to show me a picture on his phone and 3) really?  I'm looking at a picture of a woman on a dating site because a stranger asked me to?

So I way, "No, I don't know her."  And I don't think I do, but I do see enough of the picture to see that her screen name is SUPERSEXYXXX.  So, she's got that going for her.

He tucks away his phone and says, "She lives around here, she definitely knows me.  I just wish I knew where she lives."

I backed away from Mr. Lovelorn.  This was officially out of my depth. Not my street, not my problem,  But, as I put some distance between us, I said, "Well, keep watching the sidewalk. Lots of people walk around here."

"Hey...they do. That's a good idea," says he.

So...you know...SUPERSEXYXXX, if you're around...just know Juicylips34 is looking for you...and also he's not a bad looking guy...plus he doesn't seem too shy about talking to a woman...literally any woman.

See...and now that I'm involved with this guy's love life, I'm fairly certain I can't walk that block ever again.

That's entirely too much for a Thursday morning. I think I have to go take a nap now. On my couch.  Because, as you know...no one ever gets hurt lying on their couch.