Sarah goes to a concert. None of this should surprise anyone.

 

Good morning!  

So last week Hubby and I took some time off, rented a car (because the Mighty Cube and the Less-than-Mighty Scion weren't going to make this trip) and drove to Nashville to see John Mellencamp at the Ryman.

That's right. Sarah went to another concert.

Before I get to that, I have to share this video:

Sarah's drive in Indiana

Just click on that and enjoy me filming what looked like the end of days...and which Hubby set to a little Metallica...which didn't help. LOL

Anyway, okay so we went to this concert at the Ryman, the holy high church of music.  Or something like that.

This is from the balcony. And yes, those are wooden church pews.


I've never been to the Ryman for a concert, but the rest of the family has been and all of them rave about the coolness of the place.  

I get it, historical. Great acoustics.  "All the talent that's tread these boards."  

Let's look at this from the viewpoint of an upper middle aged woman with advanced arthritis in her feet and knees.  The stairs are a BEAST.  I'm not even kidding. We walked up the stairs to get in the line for the merch booth. And those stairs are STEEP. Like break your knees steep!

So up the stairs we went and whilst hubby was in the merch line, I bought two bottles of water. Now, here's a fun fact about John Mellencamp and his concerts:  He does NOT allow bottle caps in the venue.  so if you buy a bottle of water or soda, the person selling you the beverage has to remove the cap.  now, I was prepared for this because we'd seen Mellencamp in Milwaukee a couple years ago (when a fist fight broke out behind our seats and I got a rum and coke dumped on me.) but the woman at the Ryman was gob smacked about it.  We had a lovely conversation as she removed the caps from our water bottles.

No bottle caps for you!

Now loaded with uncapped water bottles, I go back down the stairs, painfully, and we head to our seats. Since the seats are all wooden church pews, not the padded comfy ones churches have now with the wider seat base and padded backs, nay nay:  These were narrow, hard-core, old-time church pews and you best pay attention: anyway, where was I?  Oh right, since these were narrow wooden pews, there is a specific way in and out of your seats. We were on the end, because Hubby loves me and knows I have to be on an end.  But the downside to that was that anyone in the middle might need to climb over us to get out. That's fine, most of the time. I mean, once the concert for which you purchased tickets begins, you're going to pretty much stay in your seat and LISTEN TO THE MUSIC, right?

Apparently not for the delightful trio I'm going to call "Drunk girl 1, Drunk girl 2, and drunkest guy in the building."  And OF COURSE THEY SAT NEXT TO US.  We all know it's not a concert unless Sarah is seated within spilling distance of the drunkest person in the room.

 Okay, so DG1 was already in place when we got there.  Great. She's on the other end of the pew. No biggie. And I honestly thought-believed-hoped that would be it.  Just the one girl.  But then, as the lights started to go down, DG2 showed up. And instead of climbing over her friend, she climbed over us.  Well, okay, we'll let that one pass. I mean, our seats were closer to the door, so it's fine, the first time.  But she'd certainly opt to crawl over her friend later. Right?

And then, at some point during the first song, when it's good and properly dark in our rows, DGITB (drunkest guy in the building) shows up.  And did he crawl over his friends?  Of course not!  Nope, he crawled over the two of us. Now, Hubby was standing.  But I was still sore from going up and down those stairs so, since Mellencamp wasn't playing "Jack and Diane" I was sitting.  But, in accordance with the time-honored rules of pew sitting, I turned to my right so DGITB could ease past me.

And he was oh so close...except not.  Because remember, he's the DGITB.  So of course, he stumbled against my knees and tromped on my arthritic big toe.  Good times.

As the happy time Trio settled themselves in their spaces, Hubby sat and I asked him, "How many times will DGITB have to get over us to get out?"  

"0," says Hubby.

"2," says I, rubbing my big toe.

The correct answer: 2.  The first time, and bear in mind, they are sitting NEXT TO A FRIEND on the other end of the pew...and could easily crawl over her, was weird.  First DG1 crawled over, and then DGITB.  They walked literally three feet ahead of our seats to stand in the aisle and whoo hoo for about four minutes.  Then they came back and this time, DGITB tried to stride complete over me.  

I think we all know that didn't go well.  

He crashed into my knee and tromped on my arthritic toe...again.

DG1 was behind him this time and she leaned in a yelled "Sorry, I've never seen him up close!"

Yeah, I got news for you, honey. You still haven't.  Three feet closer from where we were did NOT constitute "Up close."

At this point in the concert, Hubby's water bottle is empty. He leaves the auditorium to see if he can find a bubbler (water fountain, whatever) to refill (because, you know, the environment). While he's out, I get a case of the nervous knee. Now, anyone who's sat in a movie or a play with me will know what's happening here. I have these moments where I bounce one knee aggressively for several minutes.  Most people can't stand it, which is why I often spend time at movies and plays standing in the back or in the doorway.  Such was my problem at the concert. Since hubby wasn't around to annoy and DG1 and 2 and DGITB were all whoo hooing to another song, I bounced away.

But I forgot one big thing.

There was no bottle cap on my water bottle.

And the water bottle was on my bouncy knee.

That's right, friends...this time the drink that got dumped on me...was MINE!

So now I have a bouncy knee, a sore toe, and wet pants.

Which I have to explain to hubby when he returned.  He enjoyed that.

Oh and no, he didn't find a bubbler, so I gave him what was left in my bottle of water.  You know, I was all refreshed and crap after dumping half of it on myself.

So we're back to enjoying the concert and Mr. Mellencamp takes a moment to pause and tell us a tragic story about an encounter he had with a homeless person in Oregon.  Here's how that went:

Mellencamp:  Story, story.

DG2: AWW!

Mellencamp: Story, story.

DG2: AWW! (louder)

Mellencamp: Story, story.

DG2: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Mellencamp: Emotional point of the story.

DG2: ....

Guess she blew out her AWWWS too soon.  What is that; "premature awwjectulation?"

Back to the concert, cuz we aren't even close to done.

Now the Happy Time Trio decide it's time to leave the pew again. And did they leave via the on which they were sitting?  OH NO THEY DID NOT!  Holding hands this time (for balance, most likely) they dragged themselves past us (I opted to stand this time to try and save what was left of my knees and feet). I don't know where they went, but about then minutes later they returned, again, holding hands, and again shoving past us in the narrow pew spaces.

Yep, I was done. I needed to get out of the place and since he'd played "Jack and Diane" and "Scarecrow" I was good to miss a few other things. Like a cut from his new album. Don't really care for the new stuff.  LOL

So I head out to the restrooms (more on TN restrooms in my next 5 for Friday) and upon returning to the theater, I opted to stand in the back.  And that's where I found myself next to "Indian guy with heavy accent who either doesn't know he's got an accent or can't hear the concert going on around him as he's trying to start a full-on conversation with me."

"It's better here," he says.

"Yep." Says I.

Mellencamp starts in on "Gloria," which is an awesome concert tune and I wanted to sing along.

"They don't want you standing in the aisles," says he.

"Nope." Says I.

"My friends, they tell me to stay in the seat..."

"G-L-O!" Sings I (with the crowd).

"But I like to stand and be..."

"R-IIIIIIIIIIIIII" sings I (with the crowd).

"Back here where it's better."  

I mean...dude, read the room!

"G L O R I A!"  Howl I along with the other concert goers. Except the guy next to me.  Who seems to want to talk more.

So, I go back to the pew.  And the rest of the concert is perfectly fine and lovely and fun.  By the time we got out of the Ryman my pants were dry and Hubby was a happy guy.

And that's my trip to the Ryman to see John Mellencamp.