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Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Have a Holly Jolly...oh whatever!

Hello everyone!

So...where exactly did December go?  I remember getting to the end of Nanowrimo in November...and then...it's December 21st.

Yikes!

Okay, clearly I've been remiss in keeping you posted as to my silly life.  I am so excited that once again, I believe for about the 8th year in a row, Bob and Brian read my holiday horror story on the air.  I don't think I won the grand prize, but I was named as a "friend of the show."  That makes me happy.

Since I did all my holiday horror stories for you last year, I really should share my story from last year with you.  So...here goes?

Christmas 2010. 

Every year for Christmas Eve hubby and I open our home to relatives and friends, and whomever may not have plans for Christmas Eve.  Hubby makes something magnificent to eat, and we do a "crap Christmas" present exchange.  (For those of you not in the know, "Crap Christmas" is when we scour our homes, and local charity stores for the most ridiculous, stupid, ugly items we can find.  We wrap them with love, and foist them on friends and relatives.) 

We've been doing this for 14 years.  Last year, when we realized that we had the potential of nearly 50 people showing up, Hubby and I decided to have a "quiet Christmas," just the grandparents and our kids, on the 23rd.

Hubby's mom came, as did my parents.  It was really a nice evening.  About 11, parents left, mom in law went to bed, kids went to their rooms.  Hubby, who had been battling a pretty bad cough for a week, suddenly could not breathe. 

A bed for the patient...do you see a bed for
the patients wife who took a sleep aid and
now can't stand still?
We spent about 5 hours in the ER.  The great part about going to the ER not being able to breathe is that you don't have to wait.  The bad part, for me, is that I'd taken 2 Tylenol PMs and was battling furiously to just keep my eyes open.  And if you take Tylenol PM, you know that if you don't let yourself fall asleep, you can get twitchy.  By the time we left, they were eyeing me as a potential drug abuse candidate.

Getting home at dawn, with a diagnosis of pneumonia, Hubby and I decided to cancel the party.  We called everyone, and our friends completely understood.  They were bummed, but they understood.

Our family, however...

I called my mother, who insisted they would still come over  (remember, we've already DONE Christmas with them) AND they would bring my brother and his three kids.  "But we'll just stay a little bit."

So...that meant, since Hubby was hard down with meds and no sleep, that I had to cobble together some sort of meal.  Mother in law swore she'd help, "WITH EVERYTHING."

Yeah.

So I cooked, Peaches cleaned, Skippy hid from everyone.  Hubby slept and mom in law read a book.  All day.  I've never seen anyone work so hard at reading.

By the time my parents arrived with brother and kids in tow, the kids were in a foul mood.  The two youngest spent the night screeching at each other.  Brother and mother spent their time griping about how our three cats  (new additions at Christmas last year) were going to make them sick.  (For the record, my father is allergic, my mother is not, but my father would rather cut off his foot than complain about anything to the host of a party.)  Four hours later, mom in law went to bed and my extendeds left. 

Did any of them help clean up?

Hey no problem.  You guys just sit perfectly still.
Pneumonia man and sleepless girl will
clean up.
Why no, no they did not.  No, they all said they had to leave, after eating all the food in the house because they just couldn't take the cats one more minute.  They couldn't breathe.

Meanwhile, Hubby is barely able to sit upright.

So, this year we are going to Nashville.  People ask us why we are going to Nashville for Christmas.  They ask if we have family there.  The answer, always, is a loud, joyful, "NO!"

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and I will see you all in 2012...hopefully with a completed Elsie book in my hands.  (She has to stop giving me material, however!)

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