Elsie W takes recycling to a whole new level.

Good evening. 

So last week at work was very stressful.  PM was on vacation.  This means the office was missing it's "Jasper."  (If you know the "Twilight"  books, you know that Jasper Cullen has the power to diffuse highly emotional, tense situations with a glance.  PM sort of has that power over Elsie and NBM.)

I'm sorry Alice.  Not even I
can calm the battle that brews
between NBM and Elsie W.

I tend to get more tense as tension builds around me, so I would make a lousy Jasper.  I picture myself more as a Bella...although I would more than likely go for the tall dark, and you know, ALIVE wolf guy.

But I digress.

I've mentioned before that Elsie is oblivious to the office except for the parts of it she uses every day.  For example, while she walks past the coat closets every single day, she has no idea that there are coat closets in the office.

We keep the extra T.P. stored in the coat closet.  Everyone in the office knows this, and I've told Elsie this at least three times.

Wars have been started over smaller things than this.

Elsie, as you all know, also has an issue with bathroom etiquette. The woman doesn't always remember to flush, I don't know why I should expect her to put the new roll of TP on the spindle.  She never has, she never will.  But, since my arthritis pain is at an all time high, I don't have the hand strength to change the spindle myself.  So for the last couple weeks, we've been balancing the roll on the spindle.  That seems to work.

Until today when, I guess, Elsie decided that the active roll of TP should go on the back of the toilet tank.  A fairly safe spot most of the time, but not when a completely oblivious maniac is making personal calls in there.  At some point, during an especially flail worthy call, she must have knocked the roll into the toilet bowl.

A danger zone not even Kenny Loggins could have imagined.

A normal person would have disposed of the roll and fetched another from the storage closet.  (Typically I put two rolls on the back of the tank should the active roll run out...there were two on the tank on Friday.  It's Monday, and there wasn't a single roll there.  She's the only one here on Saturdays.  You solve the mystery.)

Anyway, did Elsie dispose of the dripping roll?

If she had, I would not be blogging.

Here's what's really funny:  This is as close to what Elsie looks like as I can find without actually putting her picture on this blog.

No, instead she must have decided that since the roll wasn't completely soaked to the core, it was still good.  Which means when I next went in there  (and due to the fact that she has pretty much made every corner of that room as gross as anyone could wish, I only use the place when I MUST, like when I can't get to the Culver's on the corner) I was delighted to set my searching hand on a completely WET roll of TP.

Folks, show of hands, how many of you would use any of that paper on any part of your body?

Nope, I didn't either. 

Having learned that when it comes to the bathroom at work, I need to carry pretty much all my supplies on my person  (because any supplies not chained down can, and do, disappear several times a day) so I had a couple tissues in my pocket to cure what ailed me.

I then went to the closet  (Where I store the fresh coffee grounds as well.  Everyone in the building knows it's there except Elsie who has to by now be wondering what sort of Elfin magic I had to conjure up coffee every day where there is none.) and pulled out again two rolls for the back of the tank.  The wet stuff....well, I just left that out so the next person to use the bathroom could enjoy the same excitement of reaching for clean TP and touching wet TP.

Hey, Elsie, she truly recycles everything...even wet TP.

Now if only I could get her to stop throwing soda cans and plastic bottles in my trash.