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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

How was your day, honey?

I dare any of you to top the day I had.  Go ahead try.

After not falling asleep until well after 2 AM, I was shaken awake at 4:30 AM by Skippy who informed me that it was raining in the basement....again.

For those of you following along, this happened a couple months ago when a clog the size of Toledo closed up in our main plumbing stack , backing up the toilets and flooding the bathrooms, which caused it to rain in the basement.

Sure enough it was doing it again.  So I shook Hubby awake and we sopped up the delicious sewer mess with every available towel.  Hubby then decided to remove the offending toilet and try and spoon out the clog this time.

The thing about removing a toilet without draining it is that there's quite a lot of water sort of hovering between the toilet and the pipe it's connected to.  Once you move it, that water is freed to flood the bathroom and yes, make it rain in the basement again.

Hubby cleared up that mess and headed to Walmart for a new wax ring for the toilet.  He should have picked up some towels. 

Now, normal people would have stayed home and cleaned up the mess completely.  We are not normal people.  We are both fairly new in our jobs and taking a random day off is not in the cards.  So hubby mopped up, bleached down, shut doors so the cats wouldn't get in and went to work.

(Have I mentioned that I haven't been feeling all that great but haven't called in sick because OWNER finally decided to come to our office and said he wanted to talk to me?  So I've been dragging my butt to work every day this week so he could have this meeting.)

Elsie, however, already HAD her meeting.  She called in sick today.  And then she called four more times to tell me that she was coming in after her urgent care appointment to work so I wouldn't be stressed out.

A big part of the reason I was stressed out is that the woman wouldn't stop calling.  And since OWNER and NBM and PM were all in a closed door meeting with everyone BUT me, I was the only manning the phones today.  Which would have been fine if I didn't have to listen to Typhoid Elsie every twenty minutes.

Oh yeah...and then she SHOWED UP.  Walked in all diseased looking and telling everyone she was there to do the stuff I was too stressed to do.

Oh yeah, and every person who walks through the front door always either needs me to do something or needs me to check something or needs me to find something.  I'm the lowest paid employee, I have the least amount of seniority, and I rarely move from my desk.  And yet somehow I am the EXPERT when it comes to sales, installations, marketing, phone repair, banking, advertising, and oh yeah, babysitting the sales guys who seriously must think I'm their nanny.  And bonus, today the Events lady dumped a fistful of leads on me, leads that MUST BE CALLED RIGHT NOW.  (And every single one of those people either denied ever filling out a card or wanting any estimates.)

But wait, it gets better.

So about ten minutes before I ALWAYS TAKE MY LUNCH, NBM and OWNER vanish.  Just leave.  No word to me, even though I'm right there.  They just leave.  And PM is already out of the office.  So.....no lunch for me.

Seriously. No lunch for me.  NBM and OWNER come back forty minutes later and NBM is all magnanimous..."aren't you taking a lunch today?  I'm back now."

Thanks pal.

But wait, customers come in to the showroom.  So NBM talks to them until the point when they actually need to book an appointment.  THEN he turned them over to me.  And they talked to me for another twenty minutes.    That gave my MOTHER the opportunity to show up.

Now  I thought she was going to return a hat she'd mended for Peaches.  No, that was just to get her in the door.  Her real reason for showing up AT MY PLACE OF BUSINESS was to again stress how important it was that I see her chiropractor..the one who waved a can of corn over her belly button and pronounced that she was gluten intolerant, corn intolerant, and had a general food chemical imbalance.  The chiropractor then sent my parents home with several brown bottles, not the type you'd get at a reputable pharmacy...oh no, the type you see in old movies behind the apothecary's table...the apothecary who will sell you illegal things.  Since she's been on this new "DIET"  she is convinced that since I eat corn, and I like corn, that's why I have arthritis and if I give up corn my arthritis will go away.

I've seen the x-rays.  Cutting out corn is not going to make the cartilage grow back in my thumbs.

But wait, she wasn't done there.  She then informed me that if I cut out corn and gluten,  my intestines will be clear.  "I DON'T HAVE GAS ANYMORE!"  she proclaims to the office in general.

THEN she tells me that she's called her chiropractor and made arrangements for me to get the corn can waved over my belly and that she's paying for it.

You know, I have a facial hair thing I'd like taken care of.  Could we pay for THAT?

THEN she goes into this completely loopy monologue about my brother's new neighbor, the former lesbian who has two full blooded sibling children she got from a sperm bank.

DID I MENTION SHE IS STANDING IN MY OFFICE?

At this point all I want to do is go back to my sewer soaked house, wash some towels in my new washing machine, and go to bed.  But no, remember, OWNER wants to talk to me.

Except he doesn't.  Oh, he had time to talk to Elsie.  In fact, he talked to her about a

wait for it

BONUS SCHEDULE FOR HER JOB.

Yep, you read that right.  Elsie has bonus money structured into her job now.  Owner doesn't even have six minutes to spend with me.

The last hour of the day I spent fighting back tears of rage while serving as nanny to the sales guys, whipping boy to NBM and personal slave to the Events lady.

Driving home I thought, "I'll get some laundry done.  It will be okay.

Except my new washing machine won't start if the load is unbalanced.  Which means I have to JENGA the poop soaked towels.  After trying to do that for fifteen minutes, I gave up.  Hubby bought the machine, hubby can play jenga with the nasty towels.  I'm getting some fried chicken and I'm going to bed.  And tomorrow I may not go to work.

Why should I?  If I'm just a piece of furniture to the owner, and not worth the price they pay to have Elsie chew and spew everywhere, why should I bother?

So, how was your day?

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