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Thursday, January 16, 2014

Okay, it's not "Rocky Horror" but it's close enough for us!

Good evening!

I'm BACK!  My computer stopped playing nicely with my blog and I thought I'd lost my blog there for a few days.  NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Drop. Your. Inhibitions!
But I'm back and it's a new year.  New Year, same silly stuff happens to me.  Case in point, my friend, Scarlett, sent me a message by Face book Monday night, informing me that The Princess Bride, our most favorite movie ON EARTH, was playing on the big screen at a theater close to my work.

There was no way I was missing this. The last time I saw this movie on the big screen was when it was in theaters the first time.  I was in college.  Now, Scarlett is just a tiny bit younger than I am, so she was in grade school when it came out and somehow missed seeing it.  Over the years she and I have bonded because of this movie, so we knew it was going to be a girl's night.  Since it was close to my work, we decided I would just leave from work and meet her at a local eatery that had a cheap happy hour.  Oh year, happy hour AND Princess Bride?  Sure, it was a Wednesday night, but I was IN!

I was set for a really good night.  I got to the place and got The. Best. Parking.  Spot. EVER.  Right in front of the eatery and next to the theater.  Whoot!  I got a table at the uncrowded bar and headed for the ladies room.

Friends, if you've been reading this blog for any length of time you know I have issues with public restrooms.  This time around...there was no hook on the stall door.  I know, I know.  Someone, a few years back, got their purse/sweatshirt/baby in a carrier stolen because it was on a hook in a stall and now places have been removing the hooks to avoid the theft.  Well, let me tell you something:  I'm a fluffy girl.  As a matter of principal, I try hard not to use the plus sized handicapped stalls.  So I'm in the stalls that are getting to be like airplane seats:  More and more narrow.  And it's winter here in Wisconsin.  It's so cold I had to put my inner lining in my coat which means I have more fluffiness and less mobility.  Think Randy from "A Christmas Story."

So I'm in the stall trying to find a place to put my purse, and, since I don't have enough room to remove my coat and if I had the room I wouldn't have any place to put it, I give up and just go with my coat on.  Not ideal...but okay, whatever.

When I get out, the next thing is the sink.  It isn't a sink...it's a trough.  And it's the kind of trough that has three faucets, but the soap is on either end...and there are people on the end faucets, so I'm stuck in the middle, and I have to wait, with dripping hands, to get some soap, and I have no place to put my purse because there's NO COUNTER and I wedge my purse between my knees.  So there I am, hands dripping, sweating because I'm in my double layered coat, and walking funky because my purse is between my knees.
One of the women moves away from the soap and I waddle/stagger to get some, but oh yeah, THAT DISPENSER IS EMPTY.

At this point I'm starting to think the Bleacher Buddy might be a good investment for me.

I finally get out and back to my table and I decide yes, I'm having a grown up martini.  I'm already one in by the time Scarlett arrives, and we order some semi healthy appetizers.  She gets a mai tai and quickly catches up with me.

An hour and another beverage later, we are ready for the movie.  We get to the theater,find our seats and giggle about how awesome it is to relive our childhood...okay, Scarlett's childhood, my young adulthood...now that our kids are grown and don't need us except for laundry and when they need to locate their insurance card.

There were a nice handful of people in the theater.  I was pleased with the showing and it was clear there were several who worshipped this movie almost as much as we did.

Not, however, the people directly in front of us.

Somehow, and that large room with ample seating, the only three people who HADN'T EVER SEEN THE MOVIE showed up and sat directly in front of two women who had polished off two beverages and not quite enough food to sop up the silly.
Stop. Wrecking. Every one's. Good. Time.

How do I know this?  Simple.  The movie opened and all around us, people were whispering the lines of the movie.  I was amazed and really, really jealous of Scarlett, who, when she says she knows every line of Princess Bride, was clearly not kidding. She knows EVERY SINGLE LINE!

We were having a BLAST.  We weren't being loud.  Everyone was being respectful and whispering along and laughing and having a great time.  Except for the three people in front of us.

How do I know this?  Well, about twenty minutes in, two of them moved.  And when I saw they moved, I mean they moved as far away from every other person in the theater as they could, which put them right up in the front row of seats.  Now, folks, honestly, it's a movie that came out in 1987.  It's been on VHS, DVD, Blue Ray and on basic cable for years.  How are there still three people in the world who haven't seen this movie and how on earth did they wind up in front of us on the one night it was on the big screen?

Okay, so two people moved to the front row, which put a nice buffer between them and the rest of us who continued to enjoy the movie...and now perhaps a bit louder since they moved.  What we all didn't realize until later is that there was a third person, someone who didn't want to damage their neck in the front row, but someone who also couldn't seem to get the plot of the movie without being away from PEOPLE.  She got up ten minutes after her friends and moved down by them.

The rest of the night was awesome.  We in the back half of the theater cheered, awwwwwwwed, and laughed through the rest of the movie, and there wasn't one person who didn't say, "WUV , TWUUUUU, WUV."

No, there were three.  But they were in the front row.

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