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Thursday, February 19, 2015

Under Britches Falling Down!

Good morning!

My mother has an excellent funny story about her brother, my uncle, and his faulty underwear.  A thumbnail sketch of the story is this:  My uncle is a frugal guy.  He wore underwear well beyond its time. One fine day he was directing his church choir...during church, and the underwear, whose elastic had long since evaporated, started to slide down his hips, ultimately landing like two saggy rags on either side of his trouser crotch.  And he never stopped directing.

Oh I have a billion stories about my family!

But we are not talking about my family.  I'm telling you that story to explain what I'm about to tell
you about my own underwear issues.  

If you are a Sunday School student of mine...do not read this!  ( And yes, I will know it you do!







Now then, a few months ago I  wrote a post about a new style of underwear I was trying.  You may want to click here and read that post so you fully get this one.  We'll wait.

Welcome back!  

Okay, so a few months back I thought I'd try boy shorts.  And I liked them.  At the time. When the elastic was perfectly new and the cotton hadn't, you know, stretched to fit my fully formed caboose.  Recently I noticed that, while still very comfortable, the boys shorts were looser than they had been...and had a tendency of slipping down my hips a little.  No worries, because most of the time I'm either close to a restroom and can pop in and realign things, or I'm at home and can just fix the issue because no one's looking.  Since I've been out of work, let's just say I'm always as careful about making my adjustments subtle.  

I made the mistake, however, a few Sundays back, on wearing the boy short underwear to church. I have to walk you through my Sunday morning so you understand:  See, Sundays are a pretty long morning for me.  I've got church, during which time I sometimes sing in a choir.  Running to the restroom is sort of frowned on during the services and if I'm singing, then I'm in the balcony and I'm a vertical mile away from the nearest restroom.  So from the time I sit in the pew until the time I leave the sanctuary area there's no chance to make any sort of personal adjustment.

Now, you're probably wondering why I don't adjust after church?  Simple, from the sanctuary I sprint to the classroom where I teach Sunday School.  Now I don't have time to stop then because 1)  I teach in the most interesting classroom in the building.  The classroom teacher who lives there during the week has something on every surface of the room and it's all attractive to unsupervised children  2) I teach grades 6-8 who are very likely to get into things they aren't supposed to get into even when they are supervised, so leaving them unattended, even for a moment, is not a good idea and 3) church usually runs long so there's almost always an unattended child in the room before I get there.

Then there's the hour of Sunday School. I can't leave the room and I don't spend a lot of time sitting because I'm up, I'm teaching, I'm making very excellent points about Bible lessons. 

There is simply no time from the minute I sit in church to the minute I clear the class out of the room to make any sort of personal adjustments.  On the Sunday in question my boy shorts held up through church, but I noticed a little slippage as I walked into the classroom.  not a thing I could do.  And, in the course of the lesson....our theme this year is "Stupid people of the Bible"  (I'm a little bit of a renegade) I started to feel pretty stupid.  My boy shorts slid down my hips, over my seat, and hung loosely around my thighs.  Bonus, since I have a large gut and since people who make pants for fluffy girls believe that any girl with a large gut also has GIGANTOR hips and thighs, my pantlegs are very, very loose on my legs.  So there I was, trying to be serious about how stupid King David was when trying to cover up his affair with Bathsheba, and the only thing going through my head is, "And now your underwear is flapping around your thighs, just like your uncle...IDIOT!"

After that I decided that I'm at an age where it's time to spend some money on underwear.  I need something that doesn't slip or droop or fall down or tear or fail me in anyway. So, here's my product endorsement (and no, I'm not seeing a dime...although I think I should be compensated for this). Several months ago Hubby and I saw an add for Duluth Trading Company's "Buck Naked" underwear.  I said, "Well that's great...I bet they don't make them for women."

Hubby said, "I bet they do."

So we made a bet.  And I lost.  So I had to buy him a pair of Buck Naked underwear.  (They are pretty awesome.)  In the process, I bought myself a pair.

Ladies...this is the best underwear your's ever going to wear.  Yes, it's expensive.  I can't lie about that.  But it's lightweight, it doesn't bunch, it doesn't fall, it's so very perfect.  Click here to check it out!

  Okay, and while we're endorsing products you should be buying, I just want to let you know, if you don't already, my newest short novel, Love is Enticing is ready and available in all reading formats!


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