First of all, yes, I'm aware it's Sunday night. And yes, I'm aware, it's Valentine's Day and the last thing the world wants to think about on this international day of love is me, gacking my guts out into a garbage can for hours on end.
Or maybe that's exactly what you want to think. I'm not a mind reader, I don't know what you're into...
Anyway, this past Wednesday was Ash Wednesday and many Christians the world over pick something to give up for the 6 weeks of Lent as a sign of sacrifice. Usually I give up Cheetos. This year I gave up keeping my insides inside.
I woke up feeling okay...went to my workout, started my workday. A little stressed because I was heading up a dinner at church that night, but things seemed to be in hand. And then...right around noon, KA BAM!
You know, when a kid throws up they do it and they're pretty much done. I used to be that way. I'd expel whatever it was, usually on some church dignitaries' suit (not my fault my parents insisted I sit on the lap of every minister, principal, deacon, and district president they came across. If a kid's gotta barf...well, it's just going to happen.) and I was done. No fuss, no muss, certainly no second show and definitely no fighting the feeling for a couple hours before jamming a finger down my throat to give myself some relief the the endless roiling going on in my gut.
But I'm not here to ruin your day of chocolate and heart shaped pizza and lovey dovey activities.
Nope, I'm here to impart knowledge. Being upright and conscious the better part of today was a big deal for me...hasn't happened since Wednesday. But while in a semi-coma state, I did realize five important things, so here we go.
5) No matter how many times I've seen it, "Friends" is still funny and I should not watch it after hard heaving for eight hours.
After a solid day of screaming and heaving little more than acid into whatever receptical was closest, I turned on Netflix and let "Friends" run. I had to turn it off when I started laughing and the laughter made my worn out, super stretched, very sore gut and back muscles howl in more pain.
4) Having a tiny bathroom is perfect when your body has decided to have a self induced exorcism from both the north and the south ends...so to speak.
I'll just let you figure that one out.
3) Not everyone gets that you're joking when you tell then you might have "the zika."
I went to church this morning and people were very kind, asking me how I was and what I had. We had decided it was either the flu or an inner ear infection. After explaining this several times I decided to be cute and tell one sweet lady I had the Zika virus.
I'm pretty sure they aren't going to let me teach Sunday School anymore...
2) "Psych" has REALLY LOUD THEME MUSIC!
When you're sick you pretty much just want something in the background to lull you to sleep. It used to be soaps. Soaps were all talking. Well, there aren't many soaps anymore. So I hit Netflix again and turned on "psych" which is a great show, but it's pretty mellow, no gun shots, not screaming cars or explosions, just talking. Clever talking. AND REALLY REALLY LOUD THEME MUSIC. I'd turn it down just so I could hear sound and then every 42 minutes BAM with the theme song.
1) Hubby is a rock star. And my hero.
I give him plenty of crap but the truth is we've been together 30 years and he's always been a much better person than I am. Proved it again this week when he worked from home for two solid days to make sure I didn't get up and fall and kill myself. Didn't run from the house when I was exploding, noisily. And was very attentive the whole time.
I really hope he doesn't get this. I doubt I'll be that good of a nurse.
Oh, and also, fun fact...since I had officially given up carbonated beverages, but drank some Sprite to settle my gut on Wednesday, I blew it. Except I didn't. Guess what I hadn't had since Tuesday morning? Yep. Coffee. So....6 weeks. No coffee.
Oh this should be fun.
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