Holidays are fun.

Holidays are fun.

Saturday, February 6, 2016

Pride and Prejudice and Lumberjacks (There's a reason I have a buffer treadmill rule.)

Happy Saturday morning to everyone!

Before I launch into what brought me here this morning, I have to say this:  I went to the gym today, not something I've every done on a Saturday, and had a good workout. That's not the funny part.  No, the funny part is as I was leaving the gym, feeling all healthy and good about myself and resolved that I was going to eat good, healthy meals this weekend, in walks one of the Xperience fitness trainers...carrying his breakfast...from McDonalds.  Yes, a large soda and a sausage egg mcMuffin...and there was something else in the bag.  

Really?

This picture of fitness strolling past my sweaty fluffiness, eating the equivalent of crack in my world.
I wanted to yell, "Hey!  Guy!  I was once fit and trim like you. And about 30,000 sausage egg McMuffins later, here I am!"

But I didn't. I went to Denny's instead.

Anyway I'm not here to talk about my food fail.  I'm here to talk about my workout yesterday.  Admittedly, I wasn't feeling all that strong yesterday morning.  I was a little stiff (I've added hand weights to my afternoon walking work) and very tired.  I spent some time on the bike as a warm up, but mostly I was on the treadmill.

I have rules about using the treadmill.  I believe in the buffer rule. You know the buffer rule, because it applies to a lot of things like urinals, movie theater seats, chairs at the airport, chairs at the doctor's office.  We as a society feel the need for a space between us and any stranger next to us.  Now, it's not always possible for the treadmill because sometimes the gym is busy and you can't get a buffer mill on either side of you. Given that choice, I'll go closer to the person who is moving the slowest.  I'm not a runner.  I don't need to look like I'm actually moving in slow motion.

So yesterday I noticed that "Pride and Prejudice" was playing on one of the overhead TVs.  I love that movie.  And hey, the closed captioning was actually working.  Most days the CC on the TVs at Xperience is nothing but gibberish. Hubby and I think it's because the terrorists have gotten to those networks.  But only randomly. Like on Tuesday the terrorists had ESPN's CC while on Thursday they had CNN. 

I was excited about watching a slow paced British cast wander through Jane Austen's dense prose.  No one on my left, no one on my right, I got on the treadmill and started walking.
Nothing says, "get your burn on" quite like this movie.


Five minutes later, this hulking sweaty guy got on the treadmill DIRECTLY NEXT TO ME and started running.  Or rather...lumbering.  Lumbering heavily.  And sweating...a LOT...and grunting.  And wiping his face and grunting.  

It wasn't that busy. In fact in a row of 14 treadmills we were the only two people.  He could have picked any of the other ones.  But no, this brute of a human spent the next 20 minutes thumping and grunting and sweating and wiping less than two feet away from me.

Let's talk about sweat spray for a moment. No one thinks about it because, if we are honest, few of us work out hard enough to projectile sweat.  But this guy...well, let's say he was making it rain, and not like those guys in the club with money.  Ew.

I seethed about this the entire time I was there because he was definitely interfering with my enjoyment of the movie.  COME ON DUDE!  REALLY?  I'm trying to watch Keira Knightly get all in a twist about Matthew MacFadyen.  WOULD YOU STOP SWEATING ON ME AND GRUNTING LIKE YOU'RE STAVING OFF A HEART ATTACK AND TAKE YOUR INCREDIBLE HULK BODY ONE TREADMILL TO THE RIGHT?  And yes, I did have to wipe his sweat off of my treadmill and no, I didn't like it.  Ew.

I didn't say any of that, of course. I'm a well brought up Midwestern girl We are polite and keep our negative feelings to ourselves...until we can blog about it.  

Walking out of the gym with Hubby, he asked me this: "Why did you pick that treadmill?"

Me:  Because it was directly in front of the TV with Pride and Prejudice.

Him:  But that guy was on the one next to you.

Me: Not when I got on, no one was on any of those in the row. That's why I picked it.  

Him: I thought it was weird that you picked one right next to someone. (See, he knows my rules.)

Me:  Yeah, but he wasn't there. He picked the one next to me.

Him: No, he stopped to go use the bathroom or something.

Me:  Well then he should have left something ON the treadmill so everyone else knows he's using it.

Him:  Everyone else did know he was using it. 

Me:  (silent for a moment because I believe if you're going to leave a treadmill for any reason, then you're done on it. And if you're not, you should leave a towel or a water bottle or something.  And he didn't.  So by rule he should have then obeyed the rule of the buffer treadmill.)

Him:  I'm going to call that guy Jack.  (Hubby and I have nicknames for all the regulars.  yellow headphones guy, black headphones guy, old couple with trainer, three guys upstairs who all look like Skippy, George who Hubby knows,  guy who looks like George but isn't, and that
Even in high school I had a response for nonsense like this.
really old guy who talks Packers with everyone.)


Me:  Why Jack?

Him: Because...he lumbers!




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