I've been informed, by some very reliable readers, that I'm not blogging enough, that my blogs are hilarious, that the print size is too small, and that my blog is a good cure for insomnia. (That last one came from my good friend Shay, again, not her real name, who read every post in one sitting one long night and enjoyed it.)
Toilet paper is one of those items that really, REALLY doesn't need to spend a dime on advertising. I don't care how cute that stupid puppy is. And I don't care how much dust is on a Bear's rear. It's toilet paper. It does quite possibly the nastiest job on the planet. (Mike Rowe should walk a day in the shoes of a roll of TP for his "Dirty Jobs.") It's paper we use to clean waste off ourselves and then we flush it.
My mother, so impressed, took pictures. And then, because not only was she impressed, but she was practical...she collected what she could, rerolled it (Because no one EVER takes the cardboard shell casings... I mean rolls, with them!) and yes, we used it.
It wasn't bad. A couple of random bits of twig here and there, but it was the one time we had colored TP, so that made up for the fact that it was...you know...used.
My mother now uses a TP that is so thin, not only isn't it absorbent, as so many others are, it's actually translucent. I'm not kidding. Oh, sure, there are like 3000 sheets on each roll. But ya have to use 90 at a time before you get even close to a "clean" feeling. And forget about blowing your nose in it. I actually gave myself a paper cut on the face trying to blow my nose in some at my mom's house.
|Boys, we're gonna need the two ply on this one.|
I watched a road crew patch crack in the road with toilet paper.
Now, this is a point that will start an argument at our house. Hubby says it wasn't TP. I say, it looked like it, it fluttered in the breeze like it (Who would know better than I?) and it was ROLLED LIKE IT. Road crew Dude had three rolls of the stuff on a plunger handle. He'd unroll several squares, then stuff it into the crack of the street, and tear it off with his foot. I was so amazed, watching him, I didn't move in my car, which backed up those trying to get out of the grade school parking lot. I ignored the honks. I was watching SCIENCE! (Or, at the very least, I was watching the sad state of our city budget at work.)
All the way to work I was thinking, How strong it that toilet paper and why haven't they advertised this?
"SO STRONG WE CAN PATCH A ROAD WITH IT. NOW PUT THAT ON YOUR DELICATE PARTS AND RUB."
Okay, I'm not a pitchman.
"IF IT'S STRONG ENOUGH TO STAND UP TO SUBURBAN TRAFFIC, IT'S STRONG ENOUGH TO STAND UP TO ANYTHING YOU CAN PUSH OUT."
Hmmmm, that's a little icky.
"THE STIMULUS PACKAGE GAVE US MORE MONEY TO PATCH ROADS WITH THAN WE KNOW HOW TO SPEND AND WE'VE DECIDED WE'RE GOING TO STRETCH THIS MONEY FOR AS LONG AS WE CAN BY DOING THE LEAST AMOUNT OF WORK POSSIBLE. TODAY, WE PATCH WITH TP. TOMORROW IT RAINS. THE NEXT DAY WE PATCH WITH TP. WE LIKE THIS BLOCK AND WE WANT TO WORK ON IT FOREVER. YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK."
That one might be a little wordy.
"FORGET THE BEAR AND THE PUPPY. THIS TP IS MANLY ENOUGH TO PATCH ROADS!"
That's the one we'll go with! Yes!
Well, I think if we've learned anything today it's that toilet paper can be useful in ways we have not considered.
And, Sarah's childhood was pretty messed up.