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Sunday, March 27, 2011

Aren't regular photos bad enough?

Good afternoon!

Well my friends, the week I thought would never end has finally done so and I am very, very relieved!  But before I retire to the couch to sit on a heating pad and sip a very dainty amount of pinot noir while watching Amazing Race, I have to share this with you.

Less sniffy...more drinky please!
Now, I'm not saying I don't like to be photographed....

Wait, yes, I guess I'm saying exactly that.

I loathe being photographed.  There's only one photographer on the planet who's been able to get a picture of me when I didn't look stupid, drunk, fat, or all three.  That photographer did my high school pictures, my college pictures, and my wedding pictures, and, if I could convince him to drive 90 miles every time someone wanted to capture a memory of me on film  (or digital now) I would pay him to do so.

As it is, we all carry around an image of ourselves in our brain.  My image is about 10 years younger, 50 pounds lighter, and doesn't limp.  Which means every time I see myself in the mirror or in a photo, it's sort of a shock.  "Who is that chubby old woman with the gimpy leg?"

Oh, wait, that's me.

HORRORS!

So no, I avoid having my picture taken.  And I've been good enough at it that some day my grand children are going to ask my children, "Why don't we have any pictures of Grammy Sarah from the day she got married until the day we tossed her ashes from the top of Raging Bull, the roller coaster?"  (yeah, that's another post for another day.)

Well, today I could no longer duck it.  Mostly because I'm not as aware of the endless abilities teens now have to snap pictures.  What once was an innocent telephone is now a weapon of mass photographic destruction in the hands of a 14 year old girl.

One of Peaches' friends took a bad photo of me to the very next level.  She has an iPod touch, which I didn't realize was created by people who hated fluffy girls.  Not only did she take a very close up shot of me...always flattering....then she was able to put it through a sort of fun house effect so that my double chin now looked ENORMOUS. 

She hit another button...like that was going to help matters, which made my profile look something like what you'd see on a cooking show...you know where the cook makes something so horribly inedible they are removed from the show?

Yes, photographic humiliation in the digital world.  Every person with a phone is now an enemy.  I have become the prey and I'm getting very skittish.

I'm not paranoid...I just don't like having my picture taken!

And now my friends, I have one tiny announcement....

I GOT FLOOR SEATS TO SEE RICK SPRINGFIELD IN MAY!

I will now be off until Thursday.  Peaches and I are going adventuring in the near north woods where there are no cameras allowed...ever.

Have a lovely few days without me, and I'll see you all on Thursday!

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