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Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Forget gun permits...there should be a three day waiting period on this!

Good evening all!

One my favorite parts of the movie, "Gone With the Wind" is the scene after the war when Scarlett and her band of misfits are bathing and feeding the returning Confederate Soldiers as they stop at Tara on their way home.  Mammy's line is so brilliant:  "The whole Confederate Army's got the same troubles - crawlin' clothes and dysentery."
I warmed you...I warned you and warned you!
In the book, if memory serves, she elaborates a bit.  And if  you're still reading this and haven't picked up on what I'm about to say, then you have not been paying attention!  Beware!

The point I'm making is that forces that can destroy aren't just bombs and guns and various fighter jets.  As much as I loved the show JAG and pretty much most military movies  (And sorry Bob and Brian I do like the movie "Pearl Harbor."  I also like "Titanic."  It's the romantic in me.  Morbid romantic, no doubt, but romantic.)  I believe I have digested enough research on a weapon of mass bowl destruction so unsuspecting and quiet, I might be in line for a Nobel Peace Prize.

With this and those plastic divider
things from the grocery store, I
will dominate the world!
I am referring, of course, to tofu.

First of all, how on earth did a full blown meat eater like myself, a woman who has long mocked the ways of the meatless, a woman who gives up meat during Lent mostly to see if she can outlast her Catholic friends and family, a woman who thinks of bacon not as a meat but as one of God's proofs that He loves us, come to even have tofu near me?  How did I let this weird concoction of burn curd formed with soy whey even in my house?  How did it happen?

I birthed a vegetarian.  I know...I don't know how on earth it happened.  One day I'm going along feeding my children hot dogs and chicken nuggets and the next one of them is a vegetarian.  Peaches has been veggie since New Years'.  It's not a huge problem, since we don't generally eat as a family unless pizza is involved.  Most of the time I just buy her something from the frozen foods section and she fends for herself.

But over the weekend Hubby, who has purchased no less than 4 vegetarian cook books, decided it was time to give those books a look.  And thus, dinner on Saturday night was born.

He made a really beautiful stir fry full of peppers and pea pods and chopped up tofu, which, when fried and piping hot reminds one of chunks of chicked breast.

I had two helpings thank you.  IT was, strangely, delicious.  And, since it was completely meat free, I had plenty of calories left in my day to enjoy a gigantic bowl of ice cream...you know, the bowl I was going to have anyway, only now without the guilt.

STarting about three hours later and lasting...well, what day is this?  Wednesday?  Yeah, until even now, the mighty tofu attacked the blocking defenses I've spent decades building in my colon.  Saturday night, we made a joke of it.  Sunday, I lay on the couch, waiting for the next violent explosion to destroy another blockade.  Monday I dragged my tattered, battle worn self to work, praying that back up...in the form of a cheeseburger...would arrive.  It was not meant to be because Hubby, it seems, was taken prisoner and was now firing vegetarian selections at me!  My wounded shell of a body couldn't take one more heat seeking missle attack, so I evacuated one last time today...and waved the white bath tissue in surrender.

I once lived in Detroit, Michigan, where the local newscasters reported on a rash of car bombings...and then showed the viewing area step by step how to make a car bomb.  As of this week, I no longer believe that was the most dangerous every day normal thing there is.  How is Tofu not under lock and key?  How do we not need a prescription for this stuff?

Much rumbling has gone on about gun control and the new conceled carry law in Wisconsin...yet no one is saying a word about how grocery stores are selling tofu, the C4 of foods, out in the open for children and old people to trip on. 

I'm just sayin'...

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