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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Shameless promotional Tease: Elsie's first hour at work

Good evening!

So...we now have a little less than a week to vote for the official title of my book about Elsie W, my Lady Coworker.  I've decided, mostly because I don't think anyone would want to read a 5000 page book about my life with Elsie, that I'm going to limit it to about the first 100 days of my employment at Dunder Mifflin.

So today was pretty much the cut off for all new material for this  "first" installment of Elsie books.  (I might make it a series...let's see how long she lasts at this gig.)

I am going to give you a shameless teaser because 1)  I am eager for November to start so I can NaNoWriMo the crud out of this book and get it on those reading devices by Christmas and 2)  I am out of funny ideas for a blog topic today.

So now, I give you ....Elsie's first hour at work today.

Elsie is to arrive at work at 11AM.  This means her first hour is from 11 Am to Noon.  By the time Elsie arrives, I've typically been at work and actually working for about 3.5 hours. But this isn't about how the rest of the world spends their first working hour of the day...this is about Elsie.

11:03 AM  Arrive.  (This is just pulling up to the building in her car.  This isn't, as Frank Barone would say, "A. I. S.")

A. I. S. Means "A** in Seat."
11:07 AM  Make first phone call of the day.  (Elsie's ONLY task at work is to make sales calls.  She is to make 100 calls per day...the idea is that in making 100 calls in 8 hours, you might just land 5, 6, 7 sales appointments.  It should be noted that  she runs to her desk most days and makes that first call right away to detract attention from the fact that she's always late.)

11:08-11:32  Make a four dish snack in the microwave and eat it.  (Oh, you didn't think she was going to make a second phone call before her first at work meal, did you?  BTW, I eat breakfast at home and then do not eat until 1:30.)

11:33  Answer the phone.  (Oh, and she's the #1 person to answer every incoming phone call...again, because setting sales appointments is her only job.)

11:36 Complain about the phone call.  (This goes on for a bit.)

11:47  (I told you, it went on for a bit.)  Realizes her shirt is on backwards.  Announces it to the entire office, and goes to change.

Oh no!  I came to work with my shirt on backwards...so I told everyone!
11:50  Cough (She has a cough that can, and does, peal paint.)

11:51  Dial a phone number, get a wrong number, hang up before acknowledging she dialed a wrong number.  (Because no one has caller ID, so we won't look stupid if she doesn't say anything.)

11:53  Cough  (for a good spell)

11:57  Take a personal call on her cell phone.

12:01  Argue with the boss about whether or not she should be allowed to take a personal phone call on her cell phone.

12:05  Misdial another number...hang up.  Cough.

12:10  Make another snack in the microwave.  Rinse dishes.  Complain there's no paper towel.  (There's is plenty in the shop...she doesn't go in there unless she's on her way to the office next door to buy their 25 cent soda)  cough.

Elsie's cough is like gentle music to those around her.

It gets better from there, but if you're doing the math like I am, if she's supposed to make 100 sales calls a day...in an 8 hour day that's an average of about 12.5 calls an hour.  Granted, some days are harder to make those calls.  But, and we were told this, "robo dialing" where you dial and then hang up, does not count.  So...with an hour in the books...she's made one call and answered one call.

(And she doesn't make another call for at least another hour.)

What did I do during this hour?  Well, I made13 sales calls.  Answered the phone twice.  Booked two sales appointments.  Booked a service appointment.  Took a phone call from a sales guy  (they don't like talking to her.) filled out two permit applications and talked to a plumbing inspector for five minutes.


Have I mentioned she makes significantly more than I do?

Want to know what she did the with the next five and a half hours of her day?  Vote for a title!

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