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Thursday, April 19, 2012

The Road to Rickets: WK 1 Where Voodoo and PMS meet.

Good evening!

For those of you new to this blog, and for those of you who haven't been paying attention, I'll catch you up:

Last Saturday I paid a visit to my mother's 300 pound chiropractor/yoga instructor/nutritionist who informed me that I, the fat girl, needed to avoid all sugar, including, and especially:  FRUIT.   She also informed me that my thyroid was unhappy that I worked at a computer.  She of course has a necklace that wards off the evil (her words not mine) rays of computers and cell phones, but she didn't think to offer me one.

So, no candy, no cookies, no cake, and no fruit for me. And no magic necklace to ward off the evil rays and make my thyroid happy.

Something else you should know, if you don't:

Several years ago I was diagnosed with PMDD, which is basically a very high powered form of PMS.  Simply put, 2-3 days a month I am driven completely, utterly, and murderously insane by someone's voice.  It's always a specific person, like the Evil Bossman.  (He who blamed me for the fact that oil was $100 barrel because I, the fat girl, wanted to turn on the AC when the office reached 80 degrees.)  More recently it was Elsie's, and now, it is Noelle C's.
Note his collar.  His thyroid was probably
unhappy with him, too.
During these couple days, I take some medication (well, medication and CHOCOLATE), but I cannot tolerate the very sound of that specific voice.  (I think Edgar Allen Poe may have had...or probably more likely knew...someone with PMDD when he wrote "The Tell Tale Heart.")

I'm sharing that shocking tidbit with you to explain why I've not been terribly active online this past week:

I've been trying very, very hard not to kill anyone while I make it through this week of no sugar and no fruit and a major, completely unexpected, attack of my "pre days."

It has been less than easy.

IT hasn't been much easier when I try to explain to my family members why, the week after Easter, when candy is 70% off and I've bought a truckload of it, I cannot eat it.  It' hasn't been easy, spring time in Wisconsin, when the new spring and summer fruits suddenly show up, beautiful and ripe, and all I ache for is a raspberry or a strawberry, or a freakin' glass of ORANGE JUICE.

So tonight, wracked with guilt, a sense of failure, and quite possibly the worst cramps of my life, I saved my family from any anguished scenes of insanity, and I ate four mini Butter finger Eggs.

An egg a day will keep
the crazies away.
And I had a glass of orange juice.

And it was goooooooooooood!

I see Dr. Maime a week from next Saturday.  i was supposed to see her next week Thursday, but her assistant Flick couldn't seem to get his head wrapped around her schedule.  Was she in Florida this week?  Next week?  He just couldn't be sure.  And neither could she...until last night when he called to see if I wanted to see her tonight.

Uh, no, see Flick, even if I wasn't wrapped around a heating pad...I had other plans.  You'd think someone who calls them self and assistant would have someone who calls them self a doctor's schedule better in hand.

Before I see Dr. Maime again, I'm checking in with an actual MD, and gent I've never met before. Most of you recall, my former internal med doc, the one I think looks like Dudley Moore, said that the crippling pain in my hands was because I was old and I had to live with it.  Yeah, so I'm very done with him.

This new guy has NO IDEA the level of crazy that's going to hit him next week Wednesday.

I should probably eat another Butter finger egg before I meet him.


CONDA UPDATE:

While I have been slowly, very slowly, losing a pound here and there, it is clear that Conda is crushing me in the weight loss department. So yes, it is harder to lose weight on your own than it is when focused on nothing but weight loss 24/7. 

 However, in the department of people who don't hate you, I'm, pretty sure I'm winning.  Out of the blue, someone I work with announced, "I love Biggest Loser, but I HATE Conda."

Food for thought:  Those of you who watched Buddy and Mark walk out in protest...do you think Conda orchestrated the drama just to get everyone thinking the rules of the game where unfair so that everyone would walk...except for her and her brother Jeremy?  Because I totally do.  She's been behind every minute of game play, drama, and shenanigans since this game started and I believe that she looked at the final five and realized she wasn't going to beat at least the two guys.  So she waited until something got leaked about returning players and she worked her magic.

It sort of backfired...because Kim didn't walk and Kim is one of the two guaranteed in the finals.  GO KIM!

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