This girl is funny...not skinny.

This girl is funny...not skinny.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Five for Friday: A week of Ridiculousness!

Good morning!

So this week it's just been one ridiculous thing after the other...and I realized that while I didn't have one big post to share with you, I did have a lot of mini things that can only, yes, happen to me.

So here we go:  The Five most ridiculous things I lived through this week.

5)  Just roll the Perrier around that old guy's butt so the rest of us can get our meds.

"Just because it's 4:30 doesn't mean I have
to move any faster!  You office people
just wait until I'm good and ready to go
home!"
This has been a rough week for me, medically speaking. Three weeks ago my spine doctor promised to call in a new prescription...one that won't do the evil things the other muscle relaxers did to me.  Well, he forgot to call it in, or whatever, and I never did pick it up.  But this week I went to him and he swore up and down he called it in.  To be safe, he gave me an old school hand writtern scrip.  So I mosied on down to my local "Buy in Bulk" club pharmacy.  It was almost 4:30, that magic time where the work force people are starting to get out and the old people haven't quite gone home for the day yet.  At the prescription drop off window there was an old couple yelling at each other...through the pharmacy tech, since she could hear them and they couldn't hear each other.  There was no way I was getting involved in THAT.  So I took a chance that the original scrip was in and I went to the pick up window.

At the pick up window I was next to a woman about my age who also had just been released from her office prison.  We were both behind elderly
folks; one, a lady with a cart full of bottled Perrier and the other an older gentleman in some tight fitting slacks.  (We'll call him Fred.)

The older lady just had to get her bottled water scanned and be on her way, but she was pinned in the corner by Fred, who seemed to be having some trouble scanning his debit card.

"No Fred, swipe it the other way."

Fred swiped that card six times.

"No Fred, that's not right."

So Fred did what every many should NOT EVER DO!  He squatted.  He squatted so he was eye level with the debit card scanner. 

Think about this.  He squatted, instead of bending at the waist.  That butt had to go someplace....and it went straight out.  Not pretty.

So now the older lady had no room to move her cart full of Perrier, because Fred's issues with his debit card took up more time than his butt did space.

The other office drone and I just waited...and waited...and waited....

Finally, Fred figured out how to scan his debit card, the lady got her Perrier scanned and I got to ask for my prescription.

4)  Somehow, it just doesn't seem worth the hassle.

I finally got to ask for my prescription and she asked me when it was called in.  I said, "on July 10."  She said, "well, anything that's been called in for more than ten days goes back on the shelf."

Here's the thing, before you restock the drugs, do you bother to call the customer and let them know the scrip is in?  Cuz I don't think ya do!

So she checked the records and sure enough...the scrip had been restocked.  "We'll get the filled out for you right away."

What's your definition of "right away?"  Because by my count you've had twenty one days.

See this goes hand in hand with the fact that I had a doctor's appointment with this doctor in question on Thursday of this week.  On Tuesday I called to double check the time.  I was told, "Oh, they have to reschedule that appointment?"

Hey, was anyone going to tell me that?  Or would that have been a nice surprise when I showed up on Thursday?

Normally this clinic is very on top of things, but between this prescription foul up and the change in my appointment time, I am starting to lose confidence.

Anyway, so they get the thing filled.  (The old couple at the drop off desk is still yelling at each other and the pharma tech looks like she wants to die.)  My pharma tech says, "Is this a new prescription for you or do you know this one?"

I make the mistake of saying, "Its' new."

"Oh, then you need to talk to the pharmacist.  He'll be with you in a minute."

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  All I wanted to do was go home and lie down.  That's all I ever want to do after a day at work.  But between Fred's butt, the arguing couple and now the pharmacist who seems to be watching "Sponge Bob" on his iPad instead of working, I've been at the pharmacy for way too long!

Pharmacist finally comes over and says, "So do you have questions?"

"No."

He then mumbles something I can't hear, and unbags my pills...and opens the bottle...and looks at them. Then looks at me...then looks at them.  He mumbles a few more things I can't hear and then he all but shouts, "BUT THIS IS HARDLY GOING TO BE WORTH TAKING FOR YOU!"

Oh, I get it.  Smalls pills.  Large woman. 

"Just some basic side effects.  Hearthburn, constipation, nothing serious."

Yes, so these will work exactly like the last three prescriptions have worked.  Only in this case since I'm such an elephant of a human, these tiny pills will barely scratch the surface.

Thank you.  Shoot me now.

3. Forget HEPA, we're in hell's waiting room.


I've been going to the Spine Care clinic for nearly nine months now.  I've often said the place looks like Hell's waiting room because most people are in some kind of wheelchair or brace or stretcher or body cast.  In that waiting room I'm the picture of health.

On Wednesday  (the day the appointment got moved to)  the place was packed.  It was like an old people's bus was on its way to Denny's and got rolled and everyone wound up with some sort of spine injury...all on the day I had an appointment.  So I waited in line while the women in charge of checking us all in discussed in great detail the previous night's episode of some dating show.  I don't watch dating shows on TV.  I tuned them out and instead overhead this delightful conversation between, yes, two old people.

LADY:  No, Edgar, you still have blood in your urine.

MAN:  I have what?

LADY:  BLOOD!  IN YOUR URINE!

MAN:  Why do I have that?

LADY:  I don't know.

MAN:  Well, how do you know?  I didn't know that.

LADY:  I TALKED TO THE DOCTOR AND HE TOLD ME YOU HAVE BLOOD IN YOUR URINE.

MAN:  Well, I hope they can fix that.  It sounds serious.

LADY:  I'm MORE WORRIED ABOUT THE BLOOD IN YOUR STOOL.

Strangely enough, even though he was the one in the wheelchair...they weren't there for him.  They were at that clinic for her.  He sat parked in the waiting room while she hobbled into the physical therapy room with her walker, her leg brace and her truss.

2.  Fun with BiFocals

Many of you may remember a few weeks ago when I was bullied into getting Progressive lens and frames I hated.  Well, after a week of feeling like I was in a box, I turned in the glasses and had them make me a pair of normal frames with lined bifocals.

Well /I got them yesterday...yes, after the pharmacy fiasco I went in for more abuse at the hands of the eye people. 

I like my frames now.  They are sporty, they are purple.  But lined bifocals...someone is going to get hurt, and it's probably going to be me. 

"They'll help you with working on the computer," says the woman who thought I looked good in the last pair of glasses.

How?  The line for the bifocals runs directly across the seeing part of my eye.  If I look down it's blurry.  If I look up, I get yet another pain in my neck.  So working at the computer...does not help.

And forget stairs.  Again, looking down makes the stairs blurry and looking up makes them invisible because stairs are DOWN.  Yep, I've tripped. I haven't fallen, but we all know it's a matter of time before I miss a step and go flying down a flight of stairs.

Meanwhile, trying to find that sweet spot where I have actual vision through my glasses has been fun.  At least for those around me.  But darn it all...those frames look great!

And who needs to actually SEE?  As long as you look good, that's what matters, right?

That brings me to this:

1.  I'm gettin' BOTOX!

Yep, if the new meds, the ones the pharmacist thinks are pointless for a girl of my advanced size, don't give me relief from pain...the next step is botox.

No, not around the eyes, where I need it because after a year of not sleeping more than 3 hours in a row, I'm starting to look a bit tired, no this would be in my neck.  The theory is that the botox would paralyze the muscle spasms in my neck.

And my neck will look smooth and sexy for 4-6 weeks.

So there's my ridiculous week.

Hope you are enjoying a great week as well!


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