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Friday, October 21, 2016

Sarah looks in the mirror and says, "OH COME ON!"

Good evening!

Not much funny has happened around here lately. We in the upper reaches of the US are gearing up for winter, or as many women my age call it, "hairy leg season."

And speaking of unwanted hair, I realized something knew in my never ending battle with my body hair.  But before I reveal my latest folicle fail, let's review my past issues with body hair:

1)  The hair on my face is coming in black. The hair on my head is coming in white.

2)  After decades of leg shaving, my leg hair growth has FINALLY slowed....but only on half my leg. This isn't a top half/bottom half issue. This is a left side/right side hair growth. Like I have line running from the top of my thigh to my ankle and on the right there is no hair, but I still have to shave the left side of both legs.

3)  My skin has become sensitive to the act of shaving, regardless of what kind of moisturizer I use before or after.  My skin burns for at least day after I shave my legs or my underarms....so...it's sort of like Woodstock most of the time for me.

And now...as if THAT wasn't enough hair war, I noticed something new and disturbing the other day, while sitting in the chair getting my white head hair dyed pink so that I don't look like an old lady with white hair.  Yes, I prefer to look like an old lady with hot pink hair, thank you.

So I was sitting there and my hair girl asked me how I liked my hair cut.  She's a dear family friend I'm going to call Sweetie. (She loves
steampunk and Dr. Who and Lord of the Rings and honestly, I looked up 'steam punk heroines" and this picture popped up and I think it looks just like her!)------------------>

I looked at my reflection in the mirror and was horrified. Not by my head hair, which always looks great after Sweetie's touched up the pink and given it a good cut and then styled it.  No, I was horrified because...

MY EYEBROW HAIR IS TURNING WHITE!

OH. COME. ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Because my continuing war on my upper lip, my chin, and my throat, my eyebrows have sort of been allowed to just be what they are.  I never liked tweezing my brows, and yes, I went through a fairly unfortunate period of Nads overuse.  (Self waxing my own eyebrows with a stick and a piece of cloth?  What could POSSIBLY go wrong?  Spoiler alert:  I spent one summer with almost no eyebrows after trying to "just even things up.")  So I decided about fifteen years ago to just have "strong eyebrows."  You know, like Brooke Shields.  I was just never, ever going to be one of those women who would pluck out their eyebrows and then draw them back in. Nope, I had thick, lovely black eye brows and I was happy to accept it.

Until last week when I looked in the mirror and realized the outside half of both of my eyes had...faded.  Faded to almost invisible.

WHAT?????????????

Beard and mustache firmly, fully black. Eyebrows, the one bit of body hair that has NOT REASON to do anything other than be what it's always been, are now vanishing into a white that blends with my skin. And in order to not look like some...I don't know..."dear leader"  ------------------> 


I'm going to have to DRAW THEM IN.


Or maybe I could just get really edgy.
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Who am I kidding?  I'm basically Kim Jong Un with pinker hair and lighter skin.  Oh, and no desire to cause any sort of international uproar.  I'm too busy trying to make myself look, you know, FEMALE.

Anyone who doubts that there's a God and that He has a rich sense of humor has never had to deal with unwanted facial hair.

I can hear the Almighty laughing right now.


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