Non verbal water Aerobics for the visually impaired...

Good morning!

Okay, Dee is waiting impatiently for this blog.  Which means, as most of you know, this one's all about Sarah in the water!  Buckle up my friends, this one's a wild one.

Last night Dee, Peaches and I hit Gold's for their Sunday night "Zumba Water Aerobics."  Now, water aerobics I'm familiar with. And I've heard people talk about Zumba, a nifty new aerobics class set to Latin music.  But the two together?  That sounded like too much fun for me.

I took Peaches along because she's been interested in taking a water aerobics class for a while, and since the Monday and Wednesday classes fall while she's at cheer practice, this Sunday was her opportunity.  Besides, being a ZUMBA class, it was going to be cool, full of younger folks, men and women. 

Yeah, thinking that was my FIRST mistake.

Apparently I've made a big enough splash  (pun intended) at water aerobics for some of the regulars to recognize me.  (Which means my "Q" rating is as least as high as "The Situation's" so where's my invitation to Dancing with the Stars?)  After some pleasant chit chat, I settled into the back lane with Peaches and we waited for Dee to show up.

Yeah, I was sort of hoping she'd bail so I could razz her.  But I should know better. Dee loves Gold's.  (So much so, she actually got a job there, and she starts today!  YAY DEE!)  Dee was NOT going to miss an opportunity to work out.

Now, let's remember, Sarah does NOT wear her glasses into the pool, which means her vision and her hearing are compromised.  That said, I'm moderately positive that the instructor for this class was the gorgeous Sofia Veragara from "Modern Family."  I couldn't make out her face, but if it matched the rest of her...WHY WEREN'T THERE ANY MEN IN THIS CLASS?



You will learn the Zumba!

 Seriously, guys?  What is up with that? What, you're too much of a man to get into the pool and do some moves in the water while ogling the instructor?  Did I miss a memo?  Are men no longer interested in staring at hot women?

Aside from her beauty, our instructor shared something else with the lovely Ms. Veragara...a very thick accent.

Now normally that would be a problem, since I'm already hearing impaired, what with no wearing my glasses.  HOWEVER, since the Latin music is SO LOUD, the need for verbal cues is minimal.  Mostly, in Zumba, you stare at the instructor and when she claps loudly, you change direction, or change what you're doing.

Works for me.  Especially since the few times she explained things to us verbally, I mostly heard this:

Gurble bluzz bummel gleek.....okay?  You see, Okay?

Sure, I nodded.  I'll see.  Then I'll get it and I'll not only be good at Zumba in the water, I'll be super sexy and fit...at least in the pool.

The warm ups were good.  Pretty traditional stuff, really.  (Aren't I the water aerobics expert?)  And then she got us into the more difficult moves.  Zumba is pretty much regular water aerobics on some kind of fast forward.  And, unfortunately for the instructor, the laws of motion are still in place.   A woman the size of a pick up truck cannot spin in shoulder deep water with any sort of speed. Beauty on the deck was spinning and lunging and kicking and hip thrusting with grace, speed, and talent. 

The rest of us were splashing in the pool.

I kept and eye on Peaches (even though she specifically told me to not look at her.) and she was just fine.  I, on the other hand, realized that unless I skipped every third move, I was going to be so far behind I would have to stay after class to complete.

Remedial Zumba anyone?

Now this class was completely up Dee's ally.  I'm sworn to secrecy, but let's just say, Dee has a dance back ground.  And Peaches is a cheerleader/dancer.  So I'm the one in the middle, floundering like drowning horse.

I did like the marching steps.  Those were fun.  I was in marching band. I can march!

But the swinging hips?  Swirling my hips suggestively?  To the music?

Um, my daughter is four feet away...is this really appropriate?

I do tend to focus on music in such situations.  I figure if I can connect with the song, I'll do better.  Well, Zumba, being a Latin thing, has music that's in...well not Latin because I took enough Latin in school to know that.  But the only Spanish I have is what I accumulated from working with my cleaning crew over the years and of course, watching Spanish soap operas.  (Yes, I do my own subtitles.  But I hear enough to get the gist.)  So, listening to the music as I'm marching and spinning and swiveling my hips to the music, I realized that the lyrics to one song was, "I want a Frito, I want a Frito, I want a Frito, yes, yes I do!"

And then, predictably, I wanted a Frito.

To my credit, I only ran into Dee a couple of times, and I managed to not crash into Peaches at all.  I thought I was pretty impressive in the hip thrust department, although when I tried to show Hubby and Skippy what I'd learned in class, they were both, what's the word...grossed out.  (Apparently I'm not as attractive doing the hip thrusts out of the water as I am in the water.)

Am I going back?  You betcha!  I'm going to break my long standing rule of staying on the couch from noon on Sunday until they drag me to bed after "Mad Men."  I'm going to go to Zumba water aerobics.  I'm going to spin in the water in time with the music!  I'm going to thrust my hips in such a way that no one will be grossed out! 

I'm going to RULE!

But first, I should probably either learn Spanish or wear my glasses to class.