So last night I was at my friend Marie's house. This is our monthly girl's night out. I leave work early, get to her house, we have an amazing dinner out, hit a movie, or watch one at her place, and drink copious amounts of lovely pink wine. Then, in the morning, we drink copious amounts of lovely coffee and head on over to our Mad City Romance Writers meeting.
When we get together, Marie and I discuss a lot of topics. I knew the Golden Globes would be on the docket especially since the Hollywood Foreign Press was so kind as to feature many, of our favorite stars. (Jeremy Irons, Robert Downey Jr., Bruce Willis, Christian Bale, and the list of yum goes on and on.) But our conversations, while we sit on her couch and drink wine don't just stop at listing the men we love to love. Last night we talked about assisted suicide, weight loss, health issues, treadmills, and marriage. All with episodes of the Golden Girls playing in the background.
I'm not sure which glass of wine was, possibly the fourth, when we decided that we were brilliant and that our couch discussions should be MUST be a new TV show. Hey, we're easily as entertaining as someone who has four dozen cats in their house or someone who can't throw away their stack of newspapers dating back to 1977. And those shows do okay.
We poured another round and laid out the plan for our brilliant new talk show. We figured, now that Oprah has commandeered our favorite TV channel, Discovery Health (We hate her for that...now we can't watch "Inside Brookhaven Clinic (For the morbidly obese)" or "Dr. G" That was our FEEL GOOD TELEVISION!) there's a great gaping hole in daytime network TV. Thusly, we came up with the idea for this:
Marie, Sarah, and Three Glasses of Franzia
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| Just like real wine, but in a spill proof box! |
We decided on three as a limit because frankly, after three we just get silly. Anyway, it would be a talk show format, with us as the hostesses. We'd discuss the events of the day, and drink a glass of wine. Then we'd have regular segments called "People we hate and why we hate them" or maybe "How Martha Stewart made us feel incompetent and inadequate in every way."
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| Is anyone else disturbed by this image? We've got the very delicious, the truly annoying, and the turkey being mauled. |
We'd drink another glass of wine.
As we poured the third glass, we'd introduce our guest. This guest would be one of our favorite actors/celebrities. Maybe we'd ask them questions, although if my personal history is any indication of how that would go, if we had Rick Springfield on I would simply sit there and stare and mumble something only understood on Mars. Marie would have to ask the questions.
We'd have to have Melissa Leo on, she of the Golden Globes who received her GG from Jeremy Irons, who then kissed her. (Take a look at the You Tube clip...it's fun!) Hers was a squeal of delight that my friend Marie shared. (Although now Marie affectionately calls her "Melissa Leo, Lucky Bitch.")
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| And the Golden Globe for best talk show in this or any other Univerise goes to....Marie and Sarah! Of course, I will only be kissing Marie. Just thought you should know. However, Sarah, if you're interested, I understand that Rick Springfield is performing some place nearby, perhaps I could send a car for him to come here and kiss you. That would be, of course, the gentlemanly thing to do. |
Anyway the guest segment could be titled, "Why do we love you?" I don't know where the conversations would go, what topics we could touch on, but the segment would always, ALWAYS end with "Thank you for having me on Ladies. I love you." (Just thinking about Russell Crowe saying that gives me the shivers.)
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| "Would you not be entertained? WOULD YOU NOT BE ENTERTAINED?" |
And we finish the third glass of wine.
My guess is we'd pull in at least as many viewers as "The Doctors." Seriously, we may not be able to tell you why your neck itches (mine does, so if anyone out there has the cure, that would be really awesome by the way) but wouldn't just be much for fun to watch two semi soused middle aged women lambaste the planet and then stare in awe at their TV and movie idols?
Well, you KNOW if Oprah was our best friend, we'd at least have a shot!
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