Holidays are fun.

Holidays are fun.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The worst thing a child can do is lie...the worst thing a fat person can do is lie to a personal trainer.

Good morning!

I've always told my kids that the worst thing a child can do is lie, because it hurts the relationship they have with the person they lie to.  Of course, that dedication to honesty doesn't always spill over into adults' relationships.  Face it, we lie to each other every day.  And on that happy note, I give you this:

Yesterday I enjoyed my personal training session that was included in my fee for joining Gold's 12 Week Body Challenge.  I got to meet with KRAM, the same personal trainer who got me restarted on my membership.  I discovered two things about personal trainers.

1)  They believe you're telling them the truth when you tell them what you weigh.

2)  The worst thing in the world is to lie about your weight to your personal trainer.

And I learned something about myself:

1)  I lie about my weight, even when I think I'm telling the truth.

Here's how this got started.  Back in August I met with KRAM and we did the whole, "Where do you want to be, what are your goals" bit that personal trainers are supposed to do.  He asked me my weight.  I gave him a number.  It wasn't completely a lie because at some point in my life I weighed that, obviously, because I had to pass that number to reach the number I was currently at.

And it never occurred to me that he would ever ask me the question again, since I haven't sold enough copies of Dream in Color to pay for actual personal training sessions.

So yesterday we sat down and I was very proud of the fact that I'd lost 16 pounds.  (Of course, I'd gained a couple back over last week, so I was actually at a -14 from my starting weight since, um, October.)  Then he showed me my stats from August...and I deflated.  According to HIS stats I'd only lost two pounds. 

So instead of just letting it go, I informed him that I'd lied about my real weight, that I'd lost as much as 16 pounds, and that I had done it pretty much on my own, thank you, and I'd done it since I got serious back in October.

Kram was not impressed.  Apparently lying to a personal trainer is pretty bad.  He gave me a stern look.  (I think it was a stern look. He's such a good guy, it's hard to believe he'd ever get really angry.  Of course, he isn't a parent...yet.  His wife is expecting, and I'm sure once that blessing enters his life, he'll learn the joys of explosive, uncontrollable shouting brought on by sleep deprivation and never having the answer to every why question that little bundle will ask.  But I digress.)  Anyway, he whipped open my chart.  (He KEPT A CHART ON ME?)  And said, "are you still 5'5"?

Well, sure.  I'm mean, I'm not going to lie about my HEIGHT!  How would that benefit me?

Oh wait, the whole height, weight ratio.  Yeah, I've probably lied about my height before.  But seriously, I'm not that tall.  It's not like I can tell him I'm 5'10" and get away with it.  (Of course, the Wii is different...)

I'm OUT OF CONTROL with this lying!

Once we had all my stats back in line, which involved a weigh in, awesome.  He got me going on some cardio.

Now, we all know that I like to sit down on the recumbent elliptical in Cardio Cinema and pedal for about half an hour. 

Kram had other ideas.

First of all, it was the bright lights of the big room for me.  Second, there's NO SITTING in personal training!  Third,

YOU WILL GET ON THE STAIR MACHINE!

I've walked past that stair machine a bunch of times...and I've always thought it would look far better in a closet someplace because that puppy is scary looking, given my childhood experience with escalators.  (Another story for another day my friends.)

But KRAM was having none of my whining and on the stairs I went.  I'm proud to say I didn't fall off.  And I didn't beg for mercy.  At least not out loud.

After a solid work out, he sat me down and informed me how many calories I get to have each day, how much fat, how many carbs.  To quote one of my favorite movies, "Gladiator"

This is a pleasant fiction, is it not?



(On a side note, I'm starting to think "Gladiator" quotes are going to pop up more as I go through this body challenge.  Who knew there were so many training focused quotes from that movie?)


I told you that stair machine would kill!  No one is strong enough to beat the stair machine!
But seriously,  I got a lot out of that session, including a snack!  KRAM shared a mini rice cake with me.  Now how can I be angry at someone who shares snack food with me?  Okay, so I was on the elliptical in Cardio cinema  (mostly because he guilted me into it, I really wanted to go home and just sit in a hot shower while eating a bucket of chicken.)  killing a few minutes before I had to pick up Peaches.  And okay, so I didn't have a water bottle handy.  And yes, I did get a bit of rice cake caught in my throat.  But still, if someone shares food with me, I'm sort of like a hound dog.  Share food, and I'll follow you for life.  Even a mini rice cake!

BUT, Gold's giveth and Gold's taketh away.  I had such a positive experience last night and a good work out.  I got to work this morning, feeling all good about myself.  And there was an email from Gold's.  I opened it, and what do you know?  Apparently Gold's thinks I'm six months younger than I am!  They must, because it had my stats from my measurements on Saturday and everything else, including a waist measurement that still makes me laugh, was right.  So I'm six months younger!  And, in spite of what the email claimed, there was no picture!  SCORE!

And while I was still feeling good about myself...a second email from Gold's.  Oh I'm still 6 months younger according to them...but the before picture is ALL ME.

The thing about having a picture taken is, you can think you know what you look like, but face it, you don't know what you look like until you actually see yourself.  I'm thinking I'll just send the picture in to "Biggest Loser" and throw myself on the mercy of Bob and Jillian.

On a serious note, my friends, if you have the means, I truly suggest you try personal training.  I look at Dee all the time and her results are undeniable!  (She's horrified by her before picture as well, but at least she doesn't look like someone who needs to be cut out of their house and taken to Brookhaven clinic for the super obese!)  If you have access to a gym, join it. If you can meet with a trainer, do it.  And if you live in the Waukesha area, head over to Gold's and ask for Mark V.  When I win the $75K from this body challenge, I'm putting a big chunk of it in his back pocket for more training sessions.  And if I'm willing to share winnings I have no reasonable shot at getting  with him, you should be spending ACTUAL cash on him...you won't regret it.  Well, okay, you may not love the pain he puts you through, but you will see results!


If you do, tell him Sarah sent ya.  (Yes, I'm hoping I get a couple free sessions for referring people to him!  PITY SESSIONS!)

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