This girl is funny...not skinny.

This girl is funny...not skinny.

Friday, June 29, 2012

The wedding was perfect...we are not...#3

Hello everyone!

THE DAY OF THE WEDDING!

Saturday dawned bright and clear...probably.  I haven't a clue because I was recovering from my attack of the half brat the night before.  We didn't even attempt to make it to the free breakfast at the hotel.  Instead, we all met at the Ihop attached to the hotel.  (Four steps from the "free breakfast."  Yeah, I'd close up shop early if I had to compete with Ihop.)   We all had a lovely late, late breakfast and decided that we had some time to shop before the wedding.  This was a NEED for me because after seeing myself in pictures in a dress, I realized that 1)  the terrain was far too rocky and grassy for me to manage ALL DAY in the high heels and 2)  I wasn't quite confident enough to appear in public in a loose fitting dress again...not just yet.

Hubby mentioned he'd spotted a mall on the way to the airport and the kids and we decided to GO TO THE MALL.  (Grandma stayed at the hotel and read a book.)  

As we got out of the car for what seemed like the 11000th time, Hubby confessed that he wasn't all that sure that this mall was...a real mall.

I wasn't quite sure what he meant until we got into the mall and I realized that it felt familiar.    It felt like...that casino in "Vegas Vacation" where they played Rock Paper Scissors.

There was not a single normal store in the entire mall.  About 50% of the mall was made up of empty stores whose windows were filled with stuff from other stores and directions where to find the stores in this mall.

There were several sports memorobilia stores.  Some looked legit, some looked like a woman got all the sports stuff in the divorce.  There were a couple costume shops, two furniture stores, a good health "Experience,"  and my favorite, "Christian Karate."

I was looking for shoes.

I was not succeeding.

Until we saw a Dillard's!  It was a department store, but it was the closeout store, so the racks were a mess and the shoes were mismatched and everything was 65% off!

MY KIND OF PLACE!

I found a skirt and a pair of shoes that were comfortable and looked okay on me.  The kids were bored because it wasn't a normal mall.

We got back to the hotel with enough time to fix our toe nails, shower, and get into our wedding duds.

Two hours later we attempted to collect everyone, load them in the car and get to the wedding venue in time for PEaches and Grandma to get dressed for the wedding.  (THe rest of us had to already be dressed.)

It's at this point in the story that I have to go back a couple days to the night we left.  Parker's mom dropped him off at our house.  Parker had a duffle back and a wedding outfit covered in plastic hanging on a hanger.  Flash forward 24 hours to our arrival in Asheville when the kids were unloading their stuff I said, "Isn't that Parker's bag of wedding clothes?"

Hubby said, "No, it's mine."

Parker and Peaches said, "Parker didn't have a bag with wedding clothes.  It's all in his duffle."

And we're back.  We're back to the moment when I get to the kids room and Peaches says to me, "Parker's still in the bathroom...he can't find his wedding clothes."

I, alone, knew exactly where those clothes were.  They were hanging up in my house.  In Wisconsin.

Now this was going to be a casual sort of wedding, but Parker's B outfit was a shirt and shorts that he'd worn all day the previous day.  It wasn't going to be THAT casual.

Thank goodness for Walmart!  We loaded everyone into the car, drove to the venue where Hubby dropped off Peaches, Grandma, and me and then he and Parker drove to Walmart to find the boy some suitable clothes.

With everyone I knew busy, I got to regail complete strangers with the story of our wedding trip thus far.  The two groomsmen's wives I was chatting with weren't really that impressed with much until I talked about the shoes I got. 

"Oh, what brand are they?"

Now, friends, I couldn't care less about brand names.  I look for clothes that 1) fit  2) don't make me look like a hippopotamic landmass and 3)  are comfortable.

I never look at labels.

I pulled off the sensible shoe I was wearing and said, "It's says Antonio Melani."

Had I said, "Jesus Christ Himself designed these shoes," those women could not have been more impressed.

They went on for several minutes about how awesome the shoes were.  Frankly, I thought they were sort of ugly, but they were almost comfortable, so I was happy.

hubby arrived with Parker all dressed in his new Walmart clothes just in time for the wedding.  The wedding was PERFECT!  The ring bearer was Carolina, The couple's basset Hound.  It was a fifteen minute ceremony followed by hours of fantastic food and beverages.

Oh wait...beverages.

One more thing I have to tell you, because it wouldn't be a story unless there was one more trip to Walmart involved.

As the reception was starting, the Bride's mother, Hubby's sis, approached us and said, "People want bottled water and we aren't serving bottled water."

Frankly, I was delighted with the raspberry lemonade...who would want bottled water when Wine, beer, lemonade and TEA were plentiful?

Apparently a lot of people.

So Hubby and I put Parker in charge of taking pictures  (I know...it was a huge leap of faith.)  and we went back to Walmart to get a few cases of bottled water.  While we were getting ready to leave, one of the servers managed to get stung by a bee.  So, hey, as long as we're going to Walmart, we'll pick up some Benadryl

She asked if she could repay us.  I told her to keep the fried green tomatoes coming right to me.

So there it is my friends...a three volume travel log.  Feels like you were there, doesn't it?

I have to share some of the pictures with you:

The groom and the ring bearer.
The happy couple.
My two beautiful nieces.
The bridesmaids and the couple.
Parker and PEaches...and Parker's Walmart Wedding outfit.

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